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All Good Things Must Come To An End

24 Feb

This is a post about a breakup, my breakup. A breakup I’ve rarely discussed save a few long discussions with key people in my life. A breakup which started with love, and ended with love.

“A” and I met during transitional periods in our lives. I had some serious emotional issues I was dealing with, and he was beginning his journey of self-discovery. I was growing healthy while he was growing up. We were (and still are) different in many ways, but we were able to use those differences to help one another during a time when we really needed another we could call home.

A is a wonderful man. He is intelligent, loyal, trustworthy, compassionate, a great listener, understanding, forgiving, funny, attractive, fun, supportive, romantic, and a laundry list of other things you’d want a mate to be. I would look at other people’s partners and think, “What an idiot. I’m lucky to have A.”

We did all the things couple should do if they want to stay together. We communicated our thoughts and feelings. We resolved all of our issues instead of sweeping them under the rug. We hugged and kissed often. We practiced random acts of romance for the other. We always had fun, and believed in living a life of adventure. We never let “being right” become more important than being in love. We’d admit when we were wrong, and apologized when necessary.

As everyone knows, relationships are complicated. There are times when a breakup is the obvious choice, and people hang on by the skin of their teeth as they destroy each other. There are times when a relationship is copacetic, and the people in it find themselves having the “I think it’s over” discussion. There are reasons and seasons for everything, and I’m beginning to understand this more and more as I mature.

There wasn’t one thing that ended our relationship. No big fight, no act of betrayal, no dramatic event. It was a simple conversation we had sitting on the living room floor of our apartment. One of us spoke first, and the other agreed. Our relationship was over. Continue reading →

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12 Days of Christmas- Day 10

19 Dec

I’ve come to accept that there are things in life I can’t control:

  • Death
  • People actin’ a fool towards me
  • Weather
  • MTV playing reruns of the MTV Movie Awards for 6 straight months after it airs
  • My bladder

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While driving today, I came up with a great concept for today’s blog. I was going to talk about my family, love, friendship and all that other crap you’re supposed to be thankful for around the holidays. I was going to win awards with this post. The Nobel Prize committee might as well have been polishing my medal (they give medals, right?) Continue reading →

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Call Me

20 Nov

NaNoWriNO Day 20

Topic: Why don’t men call when they say they’re going to

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I feel like I’ve talked a lot about relationship stuff during NaNoWriNO. I’ve definitely had fun with it, and am happy for all of the suggestions I get. Still, it’s like calling your dentist and asking her to come fix the electrical wiring in your house. It’s best to leave that to a professional.

Women have been frustrated for years (decades? centuries?) over the “ask for my number and never call” bit that men do. You’re flirting with a guy at the bar, he says he’ll be in touch, and then you never hear from him. “Why?”

The better question is, “Who cares?” I only date good guys, and that’s not an accident. I don’t waste my time on guys who play mind games, use the words “fun” and “casual” when talking about relationships, and don’t call when they say they’re going to. If that’s their version of impressing me, imagine how they’ll be when we’re comfortable.

If you’ve given your number to a guy, and he hasn’t called yet, here are some things you can do to occupy your time:

Watch a little educational programming

Continue reading →

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Hallmark My Words

18 Nov

NaNoWriNO Day 18

Topic: Greeting cards – Part 2

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What do Charles Bukowski, E. E. Cummings, Langston Hughes and Jen and Tonic have in common? They are all amazing poets who have not only gifted the world with their words, but also with their incredibly sexy bodies.

My Poetic License post seemed to be a hit, and really showcased how versatile and talented and ridiculously funny I am as a writer. Who else could marry herpes and Slurpees in the form of a sympathy card? A GENIUS.

Ready for Round 2? I am.

For the happy husband on his wedding day

Continue reading →

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Love Connection

17 Nov

NaNoWriNO Day 17

Topic: Dating Shenanigans

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I’m a long-term relationship girl. I’m not commitment-minded in the least bit, but every few years someone comes along, and we somehow end up in a pretty serious relationship. It goes something like this: we meet, we’re friends, he tells me he loves me, we try dating, and then we’re heading to Ikea to pick out our new couch.

Still, I’ve been on actual dates. You know, the ones where you shave your legs for the first time in a month, and you eat a salad at dinner, and then you wait for him to call you? At least I think that’s how it goes. I wouldn’t know because I just wear jeans to hide my leg stubble, order a steak, and then never wait by the phone because I barely remembered I went on a date.

There was a period in my life when I went on so many “one date only” dates that it felt like being stuck in an episode of Love Connection.

Chuck Woolery, matchmaking badass

Let’s meet some of my potential suitors, shall we? Continue reading →

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Mating Call: Men

6 Nov

NaNoWriNO Day 6

Topic: Dating – part deux

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Yesterday I dropped a little dating knowledge on my lady Hooked on Tonics, and thought it was only fair to do the same for men. I’ll admit, that post was a bit difficult to write because when I went through the list of offensive things I’ve done on dates, there was enough to create a trilogy. I had to narrow it down to what normal women should or shouldn’t be doing on dates.

I’m sure none all of you are wondering how to land a hot mess lady like me. Despite my obvious animal magnetism, and raw sex appeal, getting my attention isn’t as hard you’d think. All you need to do is shower regularly, have a pulse, and abide by the following guidelines.

Drunkin’ Donuts

Having a cocktail on a date is totally acceptable, and can be a good way for both parties to loosen up and feel a bit more comfortable. It’s when one drink turns into five drinks, and you’re doing body shots off of a cougar you met while fetching your date a drink that it becomes an issue. The night will end with you wetting your pants while crying about your dad not hugging you enough as a child, and she’ll end up removing her Match.com profile as soon as she gets home. Jen approved alcohol consumption: The moment you get the urge to dance on the bar top to “She’s My Cherry Pie” it’s time to cut yourself off.

Continue reading →

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How About We…

19 Apr

A lot has happened in the world of dating since I went off the market. I recently wrote about Yoke which is a social application that helps singles find dates through Facebook. Now I’ve stumbled on a site called HowAboutWe which allows people to post short blurbs of things they’d like to do on a date. Another user can see some basic information about you, the date you’d like to go on, and can can then send a message to arrange the outing.

As someone who not only has an undiagnosed case of Attention Deficit Disorder, but is also the laziest dater known to mankind, this appeals to my senses. I don’t want to answer philosophical questions about myself, or update my profile with information on the last great meal I ate. Hell, I barely want to brush my hair before taking a default picture. I just want to look at photos and decide who would be least likely to reject me if I tried to have sexy times with them.

When you login to the site you get a list of matches, and their meetup ideas.

Credit: The sexy portland singles on HowAboutWe.com

Continue reading →

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Facebook Friends With Benefits

1 Apr

I recently came across an article about a company, Kingfish Labs, which raised $500,000 to help develop a social dating application for Facebook.  You can sign up for their app, Yoke, and select whether or not you’re in a relationship. If you’re coupled you can act as a matchmaker for your single friends, and if you’re unattached the application will recommend users to you based on the commonality of your Facebook profiles.

There are a couple of holes in this plan:

  1. I love my friends dearly, but many of them have a hard enough time setting themselves up. Add the fact that most of us are highly undesirable dating specimen, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.
  2. A computer can only account for the things that are being said in a profile and not the things that aren’t. You wouldn’t know that someone was a hardcore KKK member until they started fitting you for your head cover.

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How-to: Decipher M4W Personals

21 Sep

Last week I explored the wonderful world of W4M (woman for man) dating ads, and immediately knew that I wanted to write a follow up piece which helped women decipher the M4W (man for woman) personals. I didn’t think this would prove to be nearly as entertaining because, well, the ladies were stretching the truth more than politicians during election season.

I’m woman enough to admit I was wrong. Very, very wrong. It seems that the entire dating world is infected with a disease which makes people incapable of telling the truths about themselves. The men, just like the women, were unable to avoid catching the bug. Continue reading →

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