Tag Archives: love

5 Dating Mistakes I’ll Never Make Again

15 Oct

Nobody will ever accuse me of being a dating guru. I’m the most indifferent dater of all time, and I can’t think of many things that interest me less than going on a first date. This doesn’t mean my dating pool has been completely dried up; I’ve actually had a few serious relationships.

None of them worked out, but that doesn’t mean they were a complete loss. Each time one fell apart I managed to find wisdom among the pieces I was putting back together. What I’ve learned over time is that love isn’t about dating more, it’s about dating smarter, and that’s why I’ll never make these mistakes again.

Date a guy who is emotionally or otherwise unavailable.

Are you emotionally detached? Married? Hundreds of miles away? Currently serving a prison sentence? Still hung up on your ex? I’m not interested. If I’m going to be with someone I want to be with him. When someone doesn’t have the ability or desire to allow you into every aspect of their lives, you end up being second, third, fourth or even lower on their list of priorities. I’ve found myself feeling like a supporting character in my own relationship, and I deserve to have one of the two starring roles.

Give more than my 50%.

Relationships are like a high stakes game of poker between two people who are required to go all in. If one person doesn’t push their chips to the center of the table, the game cannot proceed. Not only does the game cease to be fun, but nobody is a winner. When someone is unwilling to do their part, what they’re really saying is that the relationship isn’t worth the investment of their energy and time. If it isn’t worth theirs, it isn’t worth mine. Continue reading →

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All Good Things Must Come To An End

24 Feb

This is a post about a breakup, my breakup. A breakup I’ve rarely discussed save a few long discussions with key people in my life. A breakup which started with love, and ended with love.

“A” and I met during transitional periods in our lives. I had some serious emotional issues I was dealing with, and he was beginning his journey of self-discovery. I was growing healthy while he was growing up. We were (and still are) different in many ways, but we were able to use those differences to help one another during a time when we really needed another we could call home.

A is a wonderful man. He is intelligent, loyal, trustworthy, compassionate, a great listener, understanding, forgiving, funny, attractive, fun, supportive, romantic, and a laundry list of other things you’d want a mate to be. I would look at other people’s partners and think, “What an idiot. I’m lucky to have A.”

We did all the things couple should do if they want to stay together. We communicated our thoughts and feelings. We resolved all of our issues instead of sweeping them under the rug. We hugged and kissed often. We practiced random acts of romance for the other. We always had fun, and believed in living a life of adventure. We never let “being right” become more important than being in love. We’d admit when we were wrong, and apologized when necessary.

As everyone knows, relationships are complicated. There are times when a breakup is the obvious choice, and people hang on by the skin of their teeth as they destroy each other. There are times when a relationship is copacetic, and the people in it find themselves having the “I think it’s over” discussion. There are reasons and seasons for everything, and I’m beginning to understand this more and more as I mature.

There wasn’t one thing that ended our relationship. No big fight, no act of betrayal, no dramatic event. It was a simple conversation we had sitting on the living room floor of our apartment. One of us spoke first, and the other agreed. Our relationship was over. Continue reading →

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