Tag Archives: dating

Love Disconnection

28 Aug

Bugs crawling into my ears at night.  Getting pregnant with triplets. Being forced to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon. There is only one thing scarier than all of those things, and it’s internet dating.

It should come as no surprise that I’m not the best at dating. I can certainly hike up my breasts until they’re at cruising altitude, and I always refrain from using my shirt collar as a napkin until we’re in the “I accidentally farted on you” stage of our relationship. The thing I don’t have on my side is the ability to pretend I like stupid people who waste my time.

Internet dating has its benefits, but the relative anonymity of it coupled with the ease of access to thousands of potential mates has created a problem for those interested in a serious relationship. Gone are the days of daters trying to pretend they’re halfway normal, and in are the days of suitors asking if you’d like a dick picture after you tell them you work in marketing.

Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at some of the gems I’ve met online.

The guy who isn’t letting his marriage get in the way of his dating life

internet dating, dating online, tinder, guys on tinder, dating, married guys online

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Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

16 Nov

“How’ve you been?”

That’s the message I received earlier this week from an ex-boyfriend. Not just any ex-boyfriend, but the ex-boyfriend. The one who crushed my heart into a million little pieces over a decade ago.

He was my first real love, and our relationship was built on a great friendship. I remember staying up all night on the phone with him, talking and laughing about anything and nothing.

They say love is friendship set on fire, and this was definitely true for us.

Our relationship was great in the beginning, but eventually began deteriorating. He and I had two very different view points on what it meant to be in a relationship. We seemed to fight about everything, and spent the last half of our relationship making up more than we did actually getting along. Continue reading →

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Bad Dating Advice

15 Nov

This post could alternately be titled “You Shouldn’t Believe Everything You Read on the Internet” because there is some seriously inaccurate stuff floating around out there. I wasted years of my life reading Cosmo, and my brain bled after somehow stumbling upon Yahoo! Shine. Yesterday I had the privilege of reading the worst post on dating advice I’ve come across in quite awhile.

women's magazine, bad dating advice, cosmo magazing

THIS

I didn’t comment on the post, nor will I link to it here. I understand and accept that other people are allowed to write what they want. That’s precisely what gives me the liberty to lambast that post here.

I assume that breakups are a dating blogger’s bread and butter because people are falling out of love all the time, and searching for ways to cope, and get back out there. Most of the time it’s pretty standard advice like keeping busy, and finding yourself. Continue reading →

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The 10 Most Bizarre Things I’ve Read in Dating Ads

5 Nov

1332720493427_9592690I know this is hard to believe, but I’m single. I KNOW! What, with showing strangers my hershey kiss, and accusing random men of being murderers, you’d think someone would have locked this down by now.

I am not actively pursuing a relationship, but from time to time I like to look at what’s out there to see what I’ll be working with once I’m ready for it. Most ads are filled with the same things: age, physical traits, kids/no kids, smoking/no smoking, and a list of things he or she is looking for in a partner. Very benign stuff.

Experts say the key to standing out is to write punchy, attention-grabbing lines. I think the men below misunderstood what that meant. Continue reading →

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5 Dating Mistakes I’ll Never Make Again

15 Oct

Nobody will ever accuse me of being a dating guru. I’m the most indifferent dater of all time, and I can’t think of many things that interest me less than going on a first date. This doesn’t mean my dating pool has been completely dried up; I’ve actually had a few serious relationships.

None of them worked out, but that doesn’t mean they were a complete loss. Each time one fell apart I managed to find wisdom among the pieces I was putting back together. What I’ve learned over time is that love isn’t about dating more, it’s about dating smarter, and that’s why I’ll never make these mistakes again.

Date a guy who is emotionally or otherwise unavailable.

Are you emotionally detached? Married? Hundreds of miles away? Currently serving a prison sentence? Still hung up on your ex? I’m not interested. If I’m going to be with someone I want to be with him. When someone doesn’t have the ability or desire to allow you into every aspect of their lives, you end up being second, third, fourth or even lower on their list of priorities. I’ve found myself feeling like a supporting character in my own relationship, and I deserve to have one of the two starring roles.

Give more than my 50%.

Relationships are like a high stakes game of poker between two people who are required to go all in. If one person doesn’t push their chips to the center of the table, the game cannot proceed. Not only does the game cease to be fun, but nobody is a winner. When someone is unwilling to do their part, what they’re really saying is that the relationship isn’t worth the investment of their energy and time. If it isn’t worth theirs, it isn’t worth mine. Continue reading →

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Matchmaker Mayhem

19 Mar

This should come as no surprise, but there are people who are worried about me. It’s not because the last time I brushed my hair Monica Lewinsky was smoking a cigar from her beef curtains. It’s not even because my I’ve begun talking about reality show characters as though they were my real friends. It’s because I’m single.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I wish my friends would stop telling me about a “great guy” they know. I appreciate the concern, I do. Everyone should be so lucky to have friends who care so much that they go out of their way to try and make you happy. My issue isn’t with their attempts at helping me find true love. My issue is that they suck at it.

I tweeted this the other day:

Screen Shot 2013-03-19 at 12.51.35 AM

It’s not fair to be critical of something if you’re not willing to help remedy it. Let’s take this time to talk about what Jen and Tonic looks for in a man. Continue reading →

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Love Connection

17 Nov

NaNoWriNO Day 17

Topic: Dating Shenanigans

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I’m a long-term relationship girl. I’m not commitment-minded in the least bit, but every few years someone comes along, and we somehow end up in a pretty serious relationship. It goes something like this: we meet, we’re friends, he tells me he loves me, we try dating, and then we’re heading to Ikea to pick out our new couch.

Still, I’ve been on actual dates. You know, the ones where you shave your legs for the first time in a month, and you eat a salad at dinner, and then you wait for him to call you? At least I think that’s how it goes. I wouldn’t know because I just wear jeans to hide my leg stubble, order a steak, and then never wait by the phone because I barely remembered I went on a date.

There was a period in my life when I went on so many “one date only” dates that it felt like being stuck in an episode of Love Connection.

Chuck Woolery, matchmaking badass

Let’s meet some of my potential suitors, shall we? Continue reading →

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How About We…

19 Apr

A lot has happened in the world of dating since I went off the market. I recently wrote about Yoke which is a social application that helps singles find dates through Facebook. Now I’ve stumbled on a site called HowAboutWe which allows people to post short blurbs of things they’d like to do on a date. Another user can see some basic information about you, the date you’d like to go on, and can can then send a message to arrange the outing.

As someone who not only has an undiagnosed case of Attention Deficit Disorder, but is also the laziest dater known to mankind, this appeals to my senses. I don’t want to answer philosophical questions about myself, or update my profile with information on the last great meal I ate. Hell, I barely want to brush my hair before taking a default picture. I just want to look at photos and decide who would be least likely to reject me if I tried to have sexy times with them.

When you login to the site you get a list of matches, and their meetup ideas.

Credit: The sexy portland singles on HowAboutWe.com

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How-to: Decipher M4W Personals

21 Sep

Last week I explored the wonderful world of W4M (woman for man) dating ads, and immediately knew that I wanted to write a follow up piece which helped women decipher the M4W (man for woman) personals. I didn’t think this would prove to be nearly as entertaining because, well, the ladies were stretching the truth more than politicians during election season.

I’m woman enough to admit I was wrong. Very, very wrong. It seems that the entire dating world is infected with a disease which makes people incapable of telling the truths about themselves. The men, just like the women, were unable to avoid catching the bug. Continue reading →

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How-to: Decipher W4M Personals

14 Sep

Credit: Craigslist

Last week I wrote about breakups, and the bad behavior which sometimes ensues as a result of them. So what happens to these people when they finally decide to put the pieces of their lives back together again? Well, they get back in the saddle and start dating again.

It used to be that you had to meet people at bars, parties, school, church, blind dates (shudder) or even through friends. Some people chose to commit career suicide and date someone from work. Nowadays there are so many more options for single people: speed dating, singles cruises, matchmaking services, volunteering, support groups or even the internet.

Meeting people on the internet is a completely viable option in my opinion. We connect with old friends that way. We network for new jobs that way. We go shopping that way. Why can’t we find a mate that way? I think people are hesitant because the internet has gotten a reputation for being the place where people take great liberty in embellishing (okay, lying) about who they really are.

Continue reading →

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