34 Going on 35

4 Dec

I turned 34 on Thanksgiving which means that I spent a lot of time reflecting on my life, the solution to the gun problem in America, and what it means to be human. Just kidding! I ate too much turkey, and did a number of regrettable dances in front of my family members.

Another passing year can only mean more wrinkles, more cases of not giving any fucks, and more time spent contemplating my strong eyebrow game. It also means it’s time for my birthday lessons post!

As some of you may remember, I thoughtfully stole this idea from a friend of mine. I didn’t ask him permission because anything you put on the public domain is up for grabs, and I was “inspired,” and [insert other excuses that will prevent him from suing me] (he’s a lawyer).

Without further ado, here are a few tidbits I’ve picked up in my 34 years of life. Continue reading →

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Blind Spots

20 Jul

The Oregon Coast is a magical place. There are sweeping coastlines, beaches with waterfalls, hiking trails with incredible views, and even a place where you can see the remnants of a shipwreck. I feel lucky to live relatively close to it.

beach sunset, manzanita, oregon coast, oregon, coast, coastline, beach, sunset, pacific northwest, PNW

Manzanita – Oregon Coast

I say relatively close because it’s a 70-80 mile drive from where I am. Not exactly a quick jaunt, but definitely something you can decide to do at the last minute. I did exactly that last weekend because it had been so hot my underboob sweat was sweating, and I needed to beat the heat. Continue reading →

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Updating My Position

27 Apr

I love Malcolm Gladwell’s work. The first book I ever read by him was The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference which led me to read Outliers which led me to read David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants. He is a brilliant thinker and writer, and if you’re looking for something in the social psychology realm, you should definitely check him out.

I was listening to excerpts from an interview he gave, and one of the things he said really stood out to me:

“I feel I change my mind all the time. And I sort of feel that’s your responsibility as a person, as a human being — to constantly be updating your positions on as many things as possible. And if you don’t contradict yourself on a regular basis, then you’re not thinking.”

This is the story of my life. I’ve changed my political party. I’ve changed my views on marriage. I’ve changed my style. I’ve changed the state in which I lived. I even changed my stance on David Hasselhoff (he’s dead to me now). Continue reading →

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The Swan Song

10 Nov

This post started out as an explanation of why I broke up with Facebook. As I was working my way through the original draft, it became clear to me that there are other chapters in my life I need to close as well.

I’ve dabbled in writing my entire life, but it wasn’t until early 2007 that I began trying to put my work out there for others to read. I joined a “citizen newspaper” online which allowed me to connect with other amateur writers, and publish content which didn’t fit into other sites I had previously joined.

I strayed from writing after a couple of years due to personal issues, but found my way back a few years later. Unfortunately, the site was sold during the time I had been away, and was no longer a hospitable environment. I needed a new place to hang my hat which is why Sips of Jen and Tonic was created. Continue reading →

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Kicking and Screaming

2 Sep

Today I’m over at Stories That Must Not Die writing about the power of letting go.

Stories that Must Not Die

I recently said goodbye to something that had long since run its course. Like bad milk you let sit in the fridge and accidentally drink in a sleepy haze, it continually left a bad taste in my mouth. Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over expecting different results, and I definitely had a case of The Crazies.

In the aftermath, I’m struggling with a host of emotions. I pollute my mind with the play-by-play of the situation until my brain floods with questions, and 1 a.m. has turned into 3 a.m.

Historically, I have not had an easy time letting go. I’m not a person who invests herself in things very often, but when I do, I’m all in. Whether it is in my personal life (family, friends, romantic partners, projects), or my professional life, I find it incredibly difficult to walk away…

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Love Disconnection

28 Aug

Bugs crawling into my ears at night.  Getting pregnant with triplets. Being forced to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon. There is only one thing scarier than all of those things, and it’s internet dating.

It should come as no surprise that I’m not the best at dating. I can certainly hike up my breasts until they’re at cruising altitude, and I always refrain from using my shirt collar as a napkin until we’re in the “I accidentally farted on you” stage of our relationship. The thing I don’t have on my side is the ability to pretend I like stupid people who waste my time.

Internet dating has its benefits, but the relative anonymity of it coupled with the ease of access to thousands of potential mates has created a problem for those interested in a serious relationship. Gone are the days of daters trying to pretend they’re halfway normal, and in are the days of suitors asking if you’d like a dick picture after you tell them you work in marketing.

Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at some of the gems I’ve met online.

The guy who isn’t letting his marriage get in the way of his dating life

internet dating, dating online, tinder, guys on tinder, dating, married guys online

Continue reading →

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Return of the Jeni

13 Aug

Hello, Hooked on Tonics.

What an amazingly catchy intro that was! I’ve been sitting on that gem all these months while I’ve been away. I don’t want to be presumptuous, but I see a major book deal in my future.

I’ve received thousands hundreds a few questions during my absence from WordPress about where I’ve been, how my battle with body hair is going, and which browser I chose in the Bing it On challenge. I’m using this post as a means of addressing all ten of my readers at the same time because I believe in efficiency, and want to use my saved time to watch reruns of Cop Rock on Netflix. Continue reading →

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Apologies Are In Order

22 Jan

I think I may be the neighbor from hell. I don’t throw raucous parties, or drive like one of those douchebag Audi owners through the parking lot. I pick up other people’s trash, and have even been known to say hi when I’m not daydreaming about almond croissants.

Despite my best efforts to be a decent member of society, some apologies to current and former neighbors are definitely in order.

To the neighbor who saw me topless:

Your expression really said it all. It was a mixture of pity, lust and confusion. Coincidentally, that was the same look I once gave to my reflection after eating an entire Little Caesar’s pizza by myself. I’m sure you had no idea that breasts could double as suspenders, or have so many stretch marks that it looks like there’s a freeway system tattooed on them. The truth is, puberty was not kind to me, and my breasts are now registered weapons in nine states. I guess I should’ve rushed to cover myself up, but I was pretty sure it was the last opportunity I’d ever have to show my chesticles to a man, and I had to soak it up. I’m sorry if this has stirred up a weird fetish, and your future wife finds you searching for “low-hanging tits” on the internet one day.

saggy breasts, meme, boobs, chesticles, stretch marks

Continue reading →

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Fools Rush In

10 Jan

There are few things that make me happier than jeans that don’t give me camel toe, Golden Girls marathons, or Slurpees. Celebrating my friends’ birthdays happens to be one of those things.

Today is the birthday of a woman who manages to turn me on and scare me at the same time. When people tell me they aren’t familiar with her blog I automatically assume they are a Communist. She has an impressive middle finger, and may be the only person whose mouth is as salty as mine. Continue reading →

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Crossing the Finish Line

30 Nov

Well, I did it. I survived NaBloPoMo 2013. I honestly can’t believe that this is the last post because it seems like yesterday I was only a week in, and telling my roommate that I couldn’t imagine lasting three more weeks.

This is how I feel on the inside right now:

winner, trophy

Winner winner chicken dinner

Would I do it again? To answer that I’ll need to do a recap.

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