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Fools Rush In

10 Jan

There are few things that make me happier than jeans that don’t give me camel toe, Golden Girls marathons, or Slurpees. Celebrating my friends’ birthdays happens to be one of those things.

Today is the birthday of a woman who manages to turn me on and scare me at the same time. When people tell me they aren’t familiar with her blog I automatically assume they are a Communist. She has an impressive middle finger, and may be the only person whose mouth is as salty as mine. Continue reading

Why You Should Attend Blogger Interactive 2014

29 Oct

BeccaLogoTX_largeThe very first installment of Blogger Interactive has come and gone. What started as a casual comment in a Facebook thread turned into something of which I am very proud. I’m glad I was a part of the planning process because if I hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have gone.

It isn’t that I don’t have the resources (vacation time, money, a child-free weekend) to do something like this. On the contrary, I live a very “no strings attached” lifestyle. The only thing that would have gotten in my way would have been myself.

I spent so much of my life invisible that being visible is a very hard thing for me to do. I don’t like meeting new people. I don’t like being in social situations without at least one friend there with me. I don’t like people knowing enough about me to have expectations because that could mean I disappoint them when we do meet.

Blogger Interactive forced me to go outside of my comfort zone, and I’m really glad it did. I learned that all of my fears were irrational, and would have caused me to miss out on a great time. If you could have gone, but didn’t, here’s why you should reconsider for next year. Continue reading

Blogger Summit: Mark Your Calendars

3 Apr

As I sit here writing this post, it occurs to me that in a few months I will be face-to-face with a large number of my blogging buddies. A normal person’s reaction would be, “Wow, this is great! I will meet all the people who are better friends to me than that one strange, butthole-scratching friend I still have from high school!” Instead I’m thinking, “I’m going to have such bad diarrhea while I’m there that I should download one of those apps that helps you find bathrooms.” I’m pretty sure adult diapers have two major markets: the elderly, and those of us with social anxiety.

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Despite worrying about sharting on all of you, I’m honestly happy that this is not just an idea, but something that is actually going to happen. I hope that those of you who are opting out due to fear reconsider because I know in my heart this will be the meetup of a lifetime. Something I’ve learned over the years is that the most fun you’ll ever have usually exists outside of your comfort zone.

So, for those of you brave enough, the very first (Unofficial) WordPress Blogger Summit will be from October 25th-27th! You can’t see it, but I’m throwing confetti in the air while thrusting my hips like a Chippendales dancer.

My stage name is Lord Sexy of the Speedo Kingdom

My stage name is Lord Sexy of the Speedo Kingdom

Because we’re super duper professional, we created an Evite (online invitation) for the event so we can keep track of who is going. This might also push those of you on the fence to go because you’ll see that your blogging bestie from another testie will be there. Click here to RSVP. You’ll have to register, but it’s really simply and quick.

This is a good time to remind everyone that anyone is welcome to come to this. You can, and are encouraged to, bring outside guests. Please make sure to include the total number of people in your party when RSVPing on the Evite. You can always update this number at a later time if more/less people will be coming with you.

Becca also came up with the great idea of having a logo/blog badge/something you can tattoo on your ass created for this event. We can use it for event swag, in any future posts, or in the sidebars of our blogs. Because our definition of photoshop is using Instagram filters on all of our photos, we thought we’d ask those who are worthy to create one for us. Please submit them to Becca at 25tofly@gmail.com. We’ll be taking them for the next…month-ish?

Lastly, Becca and I would like to use you. Not like that (unless you’re into that sort of thing in which case please e-mail me.) We’d love it if you’d help spread the word about this event by writing about it on your blogs. This will help reach people who, for some unknown reason, aren’t already worshiping at the altars of Jen and Becca.

The quick and dirty details for your post:

  • Location: Austin, TX
  • Date: October 25th-27th
  • Evite link
  • They can bring guests
  • Remind them to send logo submissions to 25tofly@gmail.com

Thanks in advance to everyone who helps us out! See ya round, kiddos.

Blogger Summit: Location Announcement

21 Mar

The Blogger Summit is really beginning to come together. You have all been so helpful in responding to the questions posed to you so far, and for that I thank you. I prefer not to strong-arm people, but I’m really good at it when necessary.

Becca and I last left with you options regarding location for the upcoming Blogger Summit. I must admit, I was a bit surprised by the results. We have a lot of people on the East and West Coasts so I thought for sure the winning location would be somewhere in those areas. Always keeping me on my toes, you collectively voted for Houston, TX.

Somewhere along the way, someone suggested that Austin may be a better location. Becca and I talked about it, and agreed hosting it in Houston’s sexier sister city would be ideal. Get excited Hooked on Tonics, it looks like Austin, TX will be the location of the very first Blogger Summit!

greetings-from-austin

I’m very excited as Austin has a slew of cool things to do and see. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m looking forward to going to Texas! Before we pop champagne bottles, there’s one big detail still left to decide, and that’s of the date for this legendary event. Continue reading

Blogger Meetup: Phase 2

4 Mar

I want to start by thanking Tracy Fulks for suggesting that we call this a Blogger Summit™ because supposedly it’ll help us on our taxes or something. Everyone go and thank her for being this group’s official CPA. She doesn’t know it yet, but she’ll have to give me extra attention since I only fill out tax forms with “EZ” at the end. What do you guys think of the name change?

I also want to thank everyone who threw in their two cents. The most frequent responses:

  • “I diarrhea in my pants just thinking about human contact so I’m out.”
  • “I’m in Canada and this meetup needs to be in a place where maple syrup is available 24/7.”
  • “Meeting you would fulfill me in a way my spouse/kids/meth can’t.”
  • “I can’t wait to meet friends I’ll end up having mediocre sex with!”
This will be my go-to pickup line

This will be my go-to pickup line

So now we move on to Phase 2. This is kind of like Miss America but without alarmingly white teeth, women butchering dance routines in bikinis, and Donald Trump. Continue reading

A Meetup of Epic Proportions

20 Feb

I have been away for awhile my dear Hooked on Tonics. I apologize, my life has been unusually hectic lately. You’d be surprised how time-consuming eating your weight in miniature eclairs can be.

I am very excited to be back not only because I am very attracted to love all of you, but because I have been scheming with everyone’s favorite redhead, Becca from 25toFly. You see, she and I noticed a trend happening in the WordPress community. Bloggers were taking their online friendships, and making them offline friendships.

First, Le Clown and The Ringmistress met Tracy Fulks.

ClownsTracy

Then Vyvacious met Sweet Mother.

VyvSM

Continue reading

A Birthday On Fire

27 Jan

There is a woman here on WordPress, you may have heard of her, The Ringmistress. She is married to a guy you may also have heard of, Le Clown. Together they form an incredibly sexy and disgustingly romantic couple. They make me puke in a way only Canadians in love can.

Today is Le Clown’s birthday, and The Ringmistress thought it would be fun if she sent him on a blog scavenger hunt. You know, because nothing says love like making someone work for their birthday gift. She asked his best bloggy friends to put up posts providing clues which would help him navigate the hunt. She gave me my assignment, cracked her whip, and I started brainstorming.

My first thought was to dress up like a clown. He’s a clown, I like makeup, and my nose is already red from all of this drinking. It just makes sense to commemorate his birthday in this way.

Dressing up like a clown is a totally normal way to spend a Friday night

Dressing up like a clown is a totally normal way to spend a Friday night

I look good, don’t I? A little too good. My eye diamonds, my blushing cheeks, my jazz hands. You can’t upstage someone on their birthday! Back to the drawing board. Continue reading

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