There are few things that make me happier than jeans that don’t give me camel toe, Golden Girls marathons, or Slurpees. Celebrating my friends’ birthdays happens to be one of those things.
Today is the birthday of a woman who manages to turn me on and scare me at the same time. When people tell me they aren’t familiar with her blog I automatically assume they are a Communist. She has an impressive middle finger, and may be the only person whose mouth is as salty as mine. Continue reading
There is a woman here on WordPress, you may have heard of her, The Ringmistress. She is married to a guy you may also have heard of, Le Clown. Together they form an incredibly sexy and disgustingly romantic couple. They make me puke in a way only Canadians in love can.
Today is Le Clown’s birthday, and The Ringmistress thought it would be fun if she sent him on a blog scavenger hunt. You know, because nothing says love like making someone work for their birthday gift. She asked his best bloggy friends to put up posts providing clues which would help him navigate the hunt. She gave me my assignment, cracked her whip, and I started brainstorming.
My first thought was to dress up like a clown. He’s a clown, I like makeup, and my nose is already red from all of this drinking. It just makes sense to commemorate his birthday in this way.
Dressing up like a clown is a totally normal way to spend a Friday night
I look good, don’t I? A little too good. My eye diamonds, my blushing cheeks, my jazz hands. You can’t upstage someone on their birthday! Back to the drawing board. Continue reading
NaNoWriNO Day 29
Topic: 2013 and beyond
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There’s this guy on WordPress named Le Clown. Haven’t heard of him? Consider yourself a (wo)man alone on an island because he’s kind of a big deal. He put up a post a couple of days ago talking about his plans for his blog in 2013, and graciously agreed to let me steal his idea and talk about what I’ll be doing on Sips of Jen and Tonic next year.
Of course, we might be getting ahead of ourselves here. If the Mayan calendars were correct, we’ll all be dust on December 21st, and any plans we had are going to explode into a fiery oblivion. What a downer those Mayans were. I’ve always had a problem with authority so I’m simply not going to let the apocalypse affect me.
Let’s start off by talking about what my plans were for 2012:
All I wanted to do was make it rain
If my bank account and social status are any indication of how I did, I’d say that I didn’t meet either of those goals. On the plus side, my credit is now good enough to get a real cell phone instead of a prepaid one. Finally! A phone that isn’t endorsed by every drug dealer in the city.
So there’s this guy you may have heard of, and his name is Le Clown. If you haven’t, you need to educate yourself because there are two things in life I take very seriously: (1) Law & Order marathons on the USA network and (2) blogging clowns. Without those things, what’s the point of living?
There are a few things you need to know about him:
(1) He breastfeeds sock monkeys
(2) He hates Rush, one of the greatest bands of all time
He’s also a very generous dude who loves to have a million projects going on at once. His latest effort is the Bloggers for Movember campaign. Movember is a cause which takes place each November, and helps raise money and build awareness around men’s health issues, specifically testicular and prostate cancers. Something I was unaware of is that it also aims to do the same for men’s mental health issues.
It didn’t surprise me that Le Clown wanted to get involved. I mean, this is a guy who massages his prostate courtesy of Klout. There are a handful of ways you can show your support, all of which are outlined in his post (all applicable links below.) My favorite is the growing of a mustache (or beard!) during the month of November.
Naturally, I wanted to participate because not only do I love me some charity, but I love me some facial hair. “Jen, you can’t grow a mustache. You’re a girl!” Oh, on the contrary my lovely Hooked on Tonics. I’m partially Mexican and have the testosterone level of Lou Ferrigno. This means I get a five o’clock shadow at half past two.
I know it’s not November yet, but I thought I’d kick things off to get people motivated to throw their hat in the ring when the time comes.
A nod to Le Clown, a sexy French ‘stache
Head over to A Clown on Fire and help me crush the competition in this post I wrote for Clown’s blogging duel against Edward Hotspur. Yeah, I handed his ass to him. Did you expect any less?
Expats Post: http://expatspost.com/category/columns/sips-of-jen-and-tonic/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jandtonic
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jandtonic
Le Clown’s Bloggy Blog: http://clownonfire.wordpress.com/
Le Clown’s Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/AClownOnFire
Thanks again everyone!!
Anyone who has followed my writing for awhile knows that I love to delve into the deepest parts of myself. I’m not talking about tapping into my innermost thoughts and feelings– we all know I’m dead inside. I’m referring to my affinity for discussing those things that take place in the parts of our bodies which only certified medical professionals (and aliens on a probing mission) go. I discussed the unpleasant nature of my menstrual cycle in this post, and who can forget about getting my butt hoovered by a fart-stealing colon specialist?
So it should come as no surprise that when Sweet Mother issued the challenge of taking your picture with a product which aids in colon health, I jumped at the opportunity. Originally I had planned on taking a picture of myself eating a bran muffin, but then I saw that Le Clown got creative and took a picture of himself feeding a squirrel McDonald’s French Fries. I needed to step my game up.
So I went to Rite Aid, and this happened: Continue reading
Sips of Jen and Tonic 