Poetic License

2 Nov

NaNoWriNO Day 2

Topic: Poetry


Do you have that one friend who loves to torture challenge you because they love laughing at you think they’re helping you become a better person? Bill Friday is that friend for me. I’ve known him for about a hundred years now, and I’m not really sure how our friendship has lasted this long. Let’s review:

  • He likes breaded meat. I prefer not to eat things that feel the need to go into the Witness Protection Program.
  • He watches horror films, and I get scared looking at my face without makeup on
  • He has children, and my uterus cries at the idea of me ever getting pregnant
  • He’s a fantastic poet, and I think a sonnet is something Quaker women wear on their heads

This is probably Bill’s handiwork

Knowing all of the above, it should come as no surprise that my good (and I use that word loosely) friend suggested poetry as one of the topics for NaNoWriNO. I love flexing my writing muscles, but I wasn’t prepared to pick this on the second day of the challenge.

There are three things I’m good at: arm wrestling the elderly, staining a brand new shirt, and never backing down from a dare. I’m especially good at that last one. Why else would I have a tattoo of Wilford Brimley saying “YOLO” emblazoned across my chest?

Instead of crying over pages of Pablo Neruda and Lord Byron, I decided to get creative. Poetry isn’t just mushy words over love lost; poetry is carefully placed wording with the intent to evoke a certain emotion. I used the skills I acquired during my time with Hallmark, and conjured up a line of Jen and Tonic greeting cards.

Feel free to recreate any of these for yourself, and pass them out to friends, family members, or your boss. You can thank me later for the looks your loved ones give you upon opening these little slices of heaven.


Thanks to Bill from Bill Friday for suggesting this topic, and for not allowing me to use the word Nantucket which I most definitely would have abused.

NaNoWriNO Day 1 post

NaNoWriNO Day 3 post

79 Responses to “Poetic License”

  1. Smaktakula 11/08/2012 at 9:03 am #

    I’m pretty sure you’re the first person ever to rhyme herpes with slurpees. Not only is it brilliant, but it’s a money-maker. I’m thinking 7-11 should introduce the “Valtrex Slurpee.”

    • Jen and Tonic 11/09/2012 at 10:23 am #

      I like to think outside of the box, and apparently so do you. I think you’re got a winner on your hands with the Valtrex Slurpee. I’d buy it! Not that I, uh, have herpes or anything.

  2. calahan 11/03/2012 at 5:10 pm #

    Hallmark needs to rehire you.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/04/2012 at 11:05 am #

      RIGHT?! They’re really missing out on a lucrative business opportunity.

  3. John the Aussie 11/03/2012 at 4:00 pm #

    Lmao, I want these cards… Neighbour one would be fun to buy a few hundred and drop off in random mail boxes.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/04/2012 at 11:03 am #

      Even dropping them off in boxes of people who aren’t your neighbors? Genius.

  4. Change My Body...Change My Life 11/03/2012 at 4:01 am #

    You are sick and twisted. Definitely my kind of lady. More please. more! More! More!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/03/2012 at 11:14 am #

      I will add another round of these cards to my NaNoWriNO topics to choose from.

  5. Ruby Tuesday 11/02/2012 at 11:40 pm #

    The baby card is my favorite. This is probably not an enormous surprise to you. But I loved the whole post. I sincerely hope that isn’t surprising, either.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/03/2012 at 11:15 am #

      Not a surprise at all! We’re scary similar, and the baby card was my favorite one to write.


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