NaNoWriNO Day 1
Topic: Scientology and their medication-hating psychologist-at-large, Tom Cruise
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It’s no secret that I hate Tom Cruise. He’s a terrible actor, he marries robots, and his toothy grin looks like it would chew through your soul if given the opportunity. Worst of all, he’s in a cult a Scientologist. I’m no spiritual adviser, but the last time I checked, most religions didn’t require payment plans.
I honestly don’t care that he wants to be part of an organization that has as much validity as a Bernie Madoff investment plan. I think everyone has the right to choose, and if you choose to funnel money into a spaceship built to take you back to the Galactic Confederacy, who am I to judge?
It’s Mr. Cruise’s insistence on opening his mouth and spewing his arrogant, half-witted philosophies that causes me to reach John McEnroe levels of anger. This is a man who chose to star in Rock of Ages, and we’re supposed to listen to anything he says? I’ll take my chances and search for the meaning of life on my own, Tommy Boy.
This got me thinking, what if he had the opportunity to toss his ideas around with some of the greatest minds that ever lived? Would he actually hold his own? Worse, would they find validity in his assertions? I did a little research, and found “sound bites” from sit downs with people who actually knew something about something.
The Dalai Lama and Tom Cruise at The Olive Garden
Word on the street is Plato put Tom in a Full Nelson shortly after this
Despite being a pacifist, Gandhi had no choice but to bitch slap Tom
“As an expert in the phallic stage of development, I can spot a dick when I see one.”
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a person by his ability to pick a religion…you will realize that Tom is a dumbass.”
“I know ‘thou shalt not kill’ is a commandment, but it didn’t say anything about opening a well-deserved can of whoop ass.”
This man is an atrocity on two legs, and the only praiseworthy thing he has done in recent years is call Matt Lauer glib on national television. We’re all entitled to our own beliefs, but that privilege stops when you use your celebrity to deliver an offensive and nonsensical diatribe. At minimum, he’s a narcissist; most likely, there are other mental illnesses hidden beneath Scientological brainwashing.
Tom, if you’re reading this, please stop talking. Stop talking about psychiatry when you are not educated enough to make medically accurate statements. Stop talking about how Scientology has improved your life when you couldn’t make any one of your three marriages work. Stop talking about how you’re the only one who can save someone from an accident when you probably aren’t even current on your CPR certification. Just. Stop. Talking.
Matt Lauer may be glib, but you’re an asshole.
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Thanks to the following bloggers for voting for this topic:
Sips of Jen and Tonic 
Great post. And although I pretty much agree with you (maybe even wholeheartedly), there is a perverse part of my nature which insists on playing devil’s advocate (it’s not one of my more charming attributes, unfortunately).
Yeah, Cruise is a bit of a turd, and opines adamantly and publicly on things about which he hasn’t the first fucking clue. He’s also short. But if you look at the big picture
Ah, I got nothing. He sucks.
For a second there I got really scared that you were Tom Cruise masking yourself as a cool blogger.
For me, Tom Cruise’s one redeeming quality is that he was in The Outsiders.
Good call. I think that is the only thing that has prevented the townspeople from storming his house with fire and pitchforks.
“One day [Tom’s] gonna get bitch slapped, and I ain’t gonna do a thing to stop it.”
Plus 100000 points for that 10 Things I Hate About you reference
Yesssss!!!! The fact that you got that makes me like you times ten.
I love this – I can’t bear to watch Cruise in anything anymore. I love those quotes – what a dork!
“Dork” is the nicest thing anyone has called him in recent years!
I know dork is too kind –
I wish you’d stop beating around the bush Jen. Tell us how you REALLY feel. 🙂
ALL CAPS RAGE!!!!!
I think if I knew about Einstein’s asshat theory, I would have paid more attention in science.
I liked when Tom-Kat chastised Brooke Shields for taking meds to deal with postpartum when vitamins are clearly the way to go. I will agree with him once he delivers a baby through his peen-hole and feel hunky-dory after some Centrum.
I wish that when Einstein had urged Roosevelt to build an atomic bomb, he also would have urged him to test it on Tom Cruise.
I mean, I already know the other quotes are obviously real, but are those real quotes from Tom?
I know it’s hard to tell because they just sound so DUMB, but they are real quotes of his.
Wow. I haven’t really cared for him one way or another since I was about eight, but damn. That’s pretty awful.