Tag Archives: sips of jen and tonic

WKRP Portland

19 Sep

A few days ago I posted about my opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream of torturing the masses via radio, and it finally happened! I must admit I was a little nervous, but the host assured me it would all work out. He advised me to drink hot tea, and send him topless photos to calm my nerves.

My pumpkin brings all the boys to the yard
Credit: FaceInHole

Quite a few people showed up in the chat room, and I even had two callers. Granted, one of them was my parole officer asking me why I haven’t checked in with him in months, but still! The show was great fun, and I’d totally do it again if asked.

Some of you mentioned wanting a link to the broadcast since you weren’t able to make it. You can listen to the full show here.

For those who want to explore the links which were mentioned in the show:

Expats Post  (Excuse us while we’re under construction!)

“Lasagna With A Side of Advice” post

Bill Friday’s website

Radio show facebook fan page

If any of you are interested in becoming a member on Expats Post, or want to know more about the radio show, you can e-mail me at SipsofJenandTonic@gmail.com.

Thanks Lovers!

My Baby Turned One!

16 Sep

Oh, please. You didn’t think I was talking about an actual baby did you? There’s a better chance of me pushing a Stretch Hummer Limo out of my Virginia Woolf than there is of me birthing a belly alien. I’m talking about my blog! Yesterday Sips of Jen and Tonic turned the big 0-1.

I honestly can’t believe it has been a year since I left a former site I wrote for and blazed my own trail. When I started this blog, I wanted it to be a platform for becoming rich and famous. I figured in no time I’d be raking in dough so quickly the FBI would think I was operating a drug ring in my spare time. I’ve got star quality; unfortunately, it’s not apparent to anyone else but me and my mom.

My parents consider me successful because I didn’t end up living in their basement

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Gracing The Airwaves

13 Sep

Some of you may not know this, but I’m kind of a Renaissance woman. I write, I hike, I craft, I wiggle my ears, I stalk David Hasselhoff, I make suggestive hand gestures to strangers. To be honest, I really do it all. However, the one thing I’ve always wanted to do but haven’t is be on the radio.

I’m not sure why. I’ve got the face for it, and I can talk endlessly about crappy music in yoga pants and a shirt with a questionable stain on it. I think it may have something to do with my foul mouth. Or my grating voice. Or my inability to speak into a mic without making those horrible popping sounds. Or how I love to say, “Check 1, check, check, check 1, check 2” over and over and over again.

A promo shot I sent to local radio stations. No callbacks yet.

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J&T: The Gift That Keeps on Giving

5 Sep

I have been on a blogging hiatus as some of you (okay, all of you) noticed. I’ve been busy with all sorts of life things, and had to take a step away to take care of business. I still owe you a post on everything that has been going on with me, but I had to come back today because it’s a special occasion. No, I’m not announcing that I’m pregnant with David Hasselhoff’s baby, or that scientists have decided to study a genetic mutation I have which causes my extreme awesomeness. Today is the birthday of my matey from another lady, Sara from Laments and Lullabies!

Some of you may not know this, but Sara and I go way back. Not like we-shared-a-womb-and-she-hogged-all-of-the-good-fluid kind of way back, but the kind that has allowed us to share many fun experiences together. How does one honor a friend like this on her birthday? I was going to write a long post about how beautiful and talented and funny and cool she is, but isn’t that common knowledge? Instead, I’ve decided to invite all of you to take a look back at some of my favorite moments with her.

Halloween 2009. She didn’t have a sidecar so she made me ride on the roof of her Smart car.

Photo courtesy of FaceInHole

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The Car Makes the Man

26 Jun

Credit: Meme Center

I was at the grocery store the other day when I watched a ’97 Camero with tinted windows hastily pull into a handicapped parking space. As I waited for the driver to get out, I immediately formed an image of what I thought he or she might look like. I came up with: male, 25-35, bad fake tan, a sweatband on his forearm, aviator sunglasses, and a spandex Under Armour shirt which prominently displayed his nipples. I got 5 out of the 6 right; I should have known people wouldn’t be wearing sunglasses this time of year. Rookie mistake!

This got me thinking as to whether or not you can accurately predict a man’s characteristics and/or lifestyle based solely on his car. Sure, there are vehicles which are obvious predictors of things such as wealth or the need for speed, but can you tell more about someone from his ride than just how much money he’s got in the bank? I called my high-ranking friends at the CDC, FBI, CIA, TSA and NKOTB to see if they would assist in gathering data, but I got a lot of dial tones. On the upside, I’m pretty sure I’m on some “Watch Lists” now!

Not one to be deterred, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I gathered my materials and performed highly scientific research in one of the most prestigious labs in the world: a Safeway parking lot. My findings (after 30 minutes and a bag of beef jerky) are as follows: Continue reading

Troublemaker: TJ Lubrano

13 Jun

Some of you may not know this, but I am married to a much younger woman. In a very official Facebook ceremony, I got hitched to the always lovely TJ Lubrano. We had a beautiful e-ceremony near a pond filled with afro ducks, and the guests feasted on Appelflappen and cupcakes all night long. We twirled in circles,  the guests UNTZed on the dance floor, and lots of glitter was tossed about. It was like an acid trip, but without all of the nasty side effects and eventual rehab stint.

Alas, I’ve been a terrible wife to her. I have not once done the dishes, and I constantly leave the toilet seat up. I’ve totally let myself go, and haven’t worn a pair of pants with a zipper and button since we walked down the aisle. I spend hours wrapped up in Pinterest, and I force her to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta with me. Worst of all, I never took my darling bride on a honeymoon!

I needed to redeem myself because, seriously, how can you just skip over the honeymoon like that? I needed to plan something spectacular, a trip for the ages. So I flipped through numerous (okay, two) travel brochures, and decided I should take her to Disneyland! She screamed so loudly when I told her that I now have permanent hearing damage in my left ear.

She took a Percocet prior to taking off, and slept like a little angel the whole way. She woke up refreshed and ready to go:

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Facebook Fouls

6 Jun

My post-dump sexiness

Nobody tell my boyfriend, but I’m in love with another. It makes me laugh with its witty memes. It keeps me updated on current events by directing me to news stories. It reminds me of birthdays and upcoming events. It doesn’t mind that I semi-stalk friends of friends. This lover has a name– Facebook.

But as much as I love Facebook, there are obvious drawbacks to the site: it’s a huge time waster, the new layout is mediocre at best, and perhaps the worst of all, some of your friends will really begin to annoy the crap out of you. Maybe you didn’t realize how much your friend from college griped about her children, or that your father-in-law should be an honorary member of the Klu Klux Klan. Thanks to Facebook, now you do.

Some Facebook offenses are definitely worse than others. I know someone who told his wife he was divorcing her by posting it to her wall. Another person e-mailed all of her ex-boyfriend’s contacts (myself included) to tell us how he sucked his thumb after sex. These are egregious and rare occurrences on Facebook; most of the offenses are far more subtle.

Man (or woman) in the mirror.

I can’t think of a place I’d want to take a picture less than in my bathroom. This is where you abandon what you ate for lunch, and somehow it is inspiring many of you to perform photo shoots starring you and a Smartphone. You brush your teeth in the bathroom. You take a shower in the bathroom. Some of you even groom your pubes in there. You don’t snap sexy pictures in the middle of a room which has particles of urine and dead skin cells floating around in it. Do what normal people do and learn how to use the self-timer feature so you can take a picture in front of a tree or a Burger King or anywhere else the world doesn’t equate with bowel movements. With so many of you wearing swimsuits in your photos I would have expected to see more poolside shots. Continue reading

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