Tag Archives: I got married on Facebook

Troublemaker: TJ Lubrano

13 Jun

Some of you may not know this, but I am married to a much younger woman. In a very official Facebook ceremony, I got hitched to the always lovely TJ Lubrano. We had a beautiful e-ceremony near a pond filled with afro ducks, and the guests feasted on Appelflappen and cupcakes all night long. We twirled in circles,  the guests UNTZed on the dance floor, and lots of glitter was tossed about. It was like an acid trip, but without all of the nasty side effects and eventual rehab stint.

Alas, I’ve been a terrible wife to her. I have not once done the dishes, and I constantly leave the toilet seat up. I’ve totally let myself go, and haven’t worn a pair of pants with a zipper and button since we walked down the aisle. I spend hours wrapped up in Pinterest, and I force her to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta with me. Worst of all, I never took my darling bride on a honeymoon!

I needed to redeem myself because, seriously, how can you just skip over the honeymoon like that? I needed to plan something spectacular, a trip for the ages. So I flipped through numerous (okay, two) travel brochures, and decided I should take her to Disneyland! She screamed so loudly when I told her that I now have permanent hearing damage in my left ear.

She took a Percocet prior to taking off, and slept like a little angel the whole way. She woke up refreshed and ready to go:

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