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Troublemaker: TJ Lubrano

13 Jun

Some of you may not know this, but I am married to a much younger woman. In a very official Facebook ceremony, I got hitched to the always lovely TJ Lubrano. We had a beautiful e-ceremony near a pond filled with afro ducks, and the guests feasted on Appelflappen and cupcakes all night long. We twirled in circles,  the guests UNTZed on the dance floor, and lots of glitter was tossed about. It was like an acid trip, but without all of the nasty side effects and eventual rehab stint.

Alas, I’ve been a terrible wife to her. I have not once done the dishes, and I constantly leave the toilet seat up. I’ve totally let myself go, and haven’t worn a pair of pants with a zipper and button since we walked down the aisle. I spend hours wrapped up in Pinterest, and I force her to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta with me. Worst of all, I never took my darling bride on a honeymoon!

I needed to redeem myself because, seriously, how can you just skip over the honeymoon like that? I needed to plan something spectacular, a trip for the ages. So I flipped through numerous (okay, two) travel brochures, and decided I should take her to Disneyland! She screamed so loudly when I told her that I now have permanent hearing damage in my left ear.

She took a Percocet prior to taking off, and slept like a little angel the whole way. She woke up refreshed and ready to go:

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Troublemaker: The Saucy Aussie

20 May

Man oh man, am I excited about this week’s troublemaker. She’s one of the first people I met on WordPress, and she’s still one of my favorites. Have you ever met someone you were convinced was your sister from a different mister because you are that much alike? That’s how I feel about this Team Tonic Troublemaker.

Things we have in common:

  • We both kill plants (even a cactus)
  • We both like to destroy our livers with lots of booze
  • We are both named Jen
  • We both love Ikea
  • We both love the idea of taking a bath, but get bored once we’re in the tub
  • We both love talking about eating
  • We are both so sexy that our faces are illegal in 82 countries

Without further ado, I’d like you to introduce you to the real thunder from down under. Her name is Jen, and you can find her over at The Modern Woman’s Society. She’s an insanely cool blogger, and you’d benefit from checking out her site. She talks about liquor, food, life lessons, and she also takes the most amazing photos. Do your life a favor and go read her posts.

She packed her bags, and made the long journey to the Pacific Northwest so we could hang out for bit. I’ve got to be honest, the Portland area hasn’t been the same since. Continue reading

Troublemaker: Anette

6 May

As many of you may remember, I was recently given the honor of being Le Clown’s assistant for a week. This entailed writing a short post about him which I thought honored him in the way that someone of such magnificence deserved. I had so much fun with it, and was excited when Anette over at Ink. said she’d be interested in “hanging out” with me as well.

I loved this idea. Love. Lovey love love. I’m always looking for new ways to connect with my readers, and what better way than to cavort around the greater Portland area creating mischief with them? And so, a new series was born: Team Tonic’s Troublemakers.

Even though Le Clown was a blast to be around (you’ll always be my first!) I must confess that it was nice having some girl time.

We decided we wanted to look cute and sporty (we didn’t actually want to work out) so we went to the Old Navy sale:

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Le Tonic on Fire

25 Apr

As many of you may have noticed, I am really awesome. I’m talking the kind of awesome that makes people want to print out my picture and put it in their wallets. This means others are constantly asking me for my autograph, naming their firstborn after me, and giving me blog awards.

Le Clown, a fellow WordPresser and all around sexy beast, recently gave me an award because I left a very dignified comment about farts on his blog. I got a cool Clown on Fire badge (which you can find under “Tonic’s Haunts” on the right side of my homepage) which I was to distribute around the internet at leisure.

Unfortunately, WordPress was being a major player hater, and wouldn’t let me sprinkle clown dust everywhere. Le Clown, not one to let a little thing like HTML blockage stop him, came up with a new plan. I was to act as his personal blog assistant as well as write a blog post about him. How convenient that this all worked out in his favor.

I must admit, being his right-hand (wo)man was actually really fun!

We answered a few e-mails together:

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