YouTube is a huge time suck for me. I love going on there and watching all sorts of different videos: music, DIY, fitness, hypnosis, inspirational, movie clips. Have any of you ever noticed how you get to a really strange part of YouTube if you surf around long enough? I once came across a video where a doctor inflates a patient’s penile prosthesis by squeezing his scrotum. If you don’t want to watch the video I’ll summarize it by saying it was a lot like those Air Jordans you could pump up by pressing on the tongue of the shoe.
One of my favorite things to watch on the site are videos put out by beauty gurus. Despite being a walking train wreck, I love looking at what cute, fashionable girls are doing with their hair, clothes and makeup. My linebacker shoulders, manly facial features and birthing hips won’t allow me to ever be like any of them, but it’s nice to see how the other side lives.
There’s a series of videos in this community called “What’s in my bag?” which allows viewers to take a look at what things they tote around in their purses. All of their handbags are almost always full of the same things: lipgloss, candy, brushes, blotting papers, sunglasses, deodorant. For those of you who have a life, you’re wondering why anyone would want to watch something like this. Obviously you’re not someone with a healthy addiction to stalking strangers like I am.
I thought it would be fun to show what was in my purse. Maybe this is my attempt at fitting in with the living Barbie dolls. Come on guys, let me have my moment!
Here we go…
The purse in question. I got this from Forever 21 even though I aged out of that store about 10 years ago.
A stain fighting pen because I have the table manners of a Tasmanian Devil.
A fork for all those eating-related emergencies.
Two wallets and a checkbook. Never has one person made it so complicated to carry around such little money.
J&T business cards to hand out to friends and family and anyone else who already knows about my blog.
Ray-Bans that my inner hipster made me buy.
I loved this SOYJOY bar so much I couldn’t even throw the wrapper away.
I think the unsharpened pencil really shows how concerned I am with having proper writing tools on hand.
It’s important to have enough perfume to cover up the stench of desperation and loneliness.
A wad of receipts which confirms why my tax guy hates me.
Two rogue batteries for those times when you randomly run across a dead remote.
A postcard from the Russian Consulate letting me know I am no longer allowed into their country after the “Operation Sex Panther” incident of 2008.
Breath fresheners because you can’t have your mouth smelling like you ate a Crap Sandwich for lunch.
My diary. The first line in it reads, “Dear Diary, why doesn’t Scott Baio love me the way I love him? Jenny loves Chachi!!”
Two sets of keys because I’m an aspiring building superintendent.
My digital camera because I never know when I’ll suddenly feel like sending lewd photos of myself to local government officials.
A beanie to cover up my forehead…which is really a fivehead.
I’m not a smoker, but I do carry a lighter like one because starting random campfires is high on my list of priorities in life.
Staying moisturized is very important to me because I don’t want anyone to think they’re kissing or boning a dinosaur.
You know, I always thought of myself as being a rather low-maintenance person, but I guess I’m really not. It takes a lot to keep myself together, and it’s no mystery as to why my left shoulder hurts after lugging my bag around. I’d like to think I’m just really prepared, but it’s more likely that I suffer from some form of compulsive hoarding that is contained to my purse.
Truth be told, I’ll probably always carry this much stuff with me. I have a sensitivity to light so I cannot be without my sunglasses. I need my moisturizers because my hands get really dry in the winter. My camera needs to be with me at all times because my life is one big adventure I’d like to capture on film. They say that what you carry with you is a reflection of who you are, and in my case that’s true. The contents of my purse is a hot mess, and so am I.