Tag Archives: jen and tonic

The Time Is Now

14 May

I am in the middle of completing a vision board, a collage with images and words which embody my life’s aspirations. I don’t believe in the idea that the mere creation of the board attracts some universal juju which will make my wildest dreams come true. Rather, having this visual representation of my ambitions will remind (and motivate) me to go after the things I really want.

One of the larger items on my board is a clipping of a home as I’ve recently decided I want to buy a house by the end of 2014. Being a homeowner is a very meaningful thing for me, something that reflects the hard work I’ve done to become a stable and financially independent adult.

Just kidding. This is what my board really looks like.

Just kidding. This is what my board really looks like.

I probably could have bought a house a couple of years ago, but never really put the effort into making it happen. I wanted to be sure my job was stable (it wasn’t). I wanted to be sure my boyfriend and I were going to end up together (we didn’t). I wanted to wait until I didn’t feel nervous about making such a big purchase (never going to happen).

I’m always waiting for the perfect moment to do things, but I’ve come to realize that perfect moments don’t exist. They only exist in movies, or in what we think we see when we scroll through others’ photos on Facebook. Real life is much scarier. Continue reading

Interview with Brother Jon: Hooked on Tonics Answered for Me

15 Mar

Pop on over to BroJo’s blog and read all about my love of David Hasselhoff, how I almost turned into a Kardashian, and the part I played in the resignation of the former Pope.

12 Days of Christmas- Day 7

16 Dec

I’m a sucker for Christmas traditions. Some people string popcorn and hang it on their tree. Some people sing Christmas carols. Some people attend midnight mass. I have fond memories of these lovely Tonic Family traditions:

  • Cussing up a storm as we try to figure out which bulb is causing the whole strand to blackout
  • Having tree sap stuck to my skin and hair for days after helping get the tree in the base
  • Waking up at ungodly hours because a tiny person in the house wants to get up before the sun does to open presents
  • My parents arguing because my dad forgot to charge the camcorder battery for the 900th year in a row
  • Feeling bloated and praying for a swift death after consuming too many sweets
Christmas 2009. This is me right before I "gave birth" to the cheesecake, rum balls and fudge I ate earlier in the day.

Christmas 2009. This is me right before I “gave birth” to the cheesecake, rum balls and fudge I ate earlier in the day.

Continue reading

Deuces Wild

24 Nov

NaNoWriNO Day 24

Topic: Colon Hydrotherapy

————————————————————————————————————————————————–

I  decided to take a much-needed vacation from a former (writing) stomping ground, and to my surprise, my absence did not go unnoticed. When I got back I had e-mails, notes in the Newsroom, and offline messages on Yahoo Messenger asking where I had been. Many theories were tossed around. Had I finally been institutionalized? Did I run off with the men of Thunder Down Under? Had I suffered a major brain freeze from a Slurpee-gone-wrong? Another writer threw out the possibility that a poo expert on the site (yes, we had one) had kidnapped me, and performed massive amounts of crap extraction on my colon.

Luckily, I was safe from harm, but an idea was sparked. Not having any shame, or ladylike tendencies for that matter, I resolved to leave my fecal matter in the hands of a perfect stranger. I began to research the process of Colon Hydrotherapy, its benefits, and reputable places where it could be performed. I decided on a place near my work, and made an appointment with a woman named Irina for the next week.

I tossed and turned at night over the next few days. Visions of Sugar Turds danced in my head. I could not believe I was willing to part with something that was such a fundamental part of me. I began to wonder who this woman was, and why I was going to allow this professional stool stealer to take what was rightfully mine away from me. I blamed her flashy website, something that had gotten me in to trouble many times before. This is exactly how I became a lifelong member of the Shannon Doherty fan club.

The morning of the appointment I was a nervous wreck. I could hear faint cries coming from my colon, begging me to reconsider my hasty decision. I drank away my sorrows at the local Starbucks, and decided to be strong. I had made my decision, and I did not care what my poop thought about it! Continue reading

Le-duel: Jen and Tonic

21 Sep

Head over to A Clown on Fire and help me crush the competition in this post I wrote for Clown’s blogging duel against Edward Hotspur. Yeah, I handed his ass to him. Did you expect any less?

WKRP Portland

19 Sep

A few days ago I posted about my opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream of torturing the masses via radio, and it finally happened! I must admit I was a little nervous, but the host assured me it would all work out. He advised me to drink hot tea, and send him topless photos to calm my nerves.

My pumpkin brings all the boys to the yard
Credit: FaceInHole

Quite a few people showed up in the chat room, and I even had two callers. Granted, one of them was my parole officer asking me why I haven’t checked in with him in months, but still! The show was great fun, and I’d totally do it again if asked.

Some of you mentioned wanting a link to the broadcast since you weren’t able to make it. You can listen to the full show here.

For those who want to explore the links which were mentioned in the show:

Expats Post¬† (Excuse us while we’re under construction!)

“Lasagna With A Side of Advice” post

Bill Friday’s website

Radio show facebook fan page

If any of you are interested in becoming a member on Expats Post, or want to know more about the radio show, you can e-mail me at SipsofJenandTonic@gmail.com.

Thanks Lovers!

My Baby Turned One!

16 Sep

Oh, please. You didn’t think I was talking about an actual baby did you? There’s a better chance of me pushing a Stretch Hummer Limo out of my Virginia Woolf than there is of me birthing a belly alien. I’m talking about my blog! Yesterday Sips of Jen and Tonic turned the big 0-1.

I honestly can’t believe it has been a year since I left a former site I wrote for and blazed my own trail. When I started this blog, I wanted it to be a platform for becoming rich and famous. I figured in no time I’d be raking in dough so quickly the FBI would think I was operating a drug ring in my spare time. I’ve got star quality; unfortunately, it’s not apparent to anyone else but me and my mom.

My parents consider me successful because I didn’t end up living in their basement

Continue reading

%d bloggers like this: