Tag Archives: christmas

12 Days of Christmas- Day 8

17 Dec

Every year when Christmas approaches, I get really excited. Because of Baby Jesus? No. Because of all the presents I’m going to receive? No. Because of the paid day off from work? Nope. My panties get electrified because of the salmonella-laden drink we call Eggnog.

I have a love-hate relationship with The ‘Nog. When I first see this holiday treat decorating the dairy section, I do a little happy dance right in the middle of the aisle. It looks like a cross between the Harlem Shake and the Cabbage Patch. Basically, shit gets crazy at Safeway.

You too can do "The Eggnog" in your local grocery store. (credit: Polycore)

You too can do “The Eggnog” in your local grocery store (credit: Polyvore)

Unfortunately, my enthusiasm causes me to lose my ability to judge how much eggnog I can drink before I want to die. I always go for the big carton, have a couple of glasses, and then regret my decision to purchase so much buttermilk liquid butter of the raw egg concoction. Continue reading

12 Days of Christmas- Day 7

16 Dec

I’m a sucker for Christmas traditions. Some people string popcorn and hang it on their tree. Some people sing Christmas carols. Some people attend midnight mass. I have fond memories of these lovely Tonic Family traditions:

  • Cussing up a storm as we try to figure out which bulb is causing the whole strand to blackout
  • Having tree sap stuck to my skin and hair for days after helping get the tree in the base
  • Waking up at ungodly hours because a tiny person in the house wants to get up before the sun does to open presents
  • My parents arguing because my dad forgot to charge the camcorder battery for the 900th year in a row
  • Feeling bloated and praying for a swift death after consuming too many sweets
Christmas 2009. This is me right before I "gave birth" to the cheesecake, rum balls and fudge I ate earlier in the day.

Christmas 2009. This is me right before I “gave birth” to the cheesecake, rum balls and fudge I ate earlier in the day.

Continue reading

12 Days of Christmas- Day 5

14 Dec

One of the great things about being a kid is that you can ask for the most ridiculous crap for Christmas. You have no problems writing down that you’d like a laser gun, a pack of Big League Chew and a new baby brother. My list used to look something like this:

Dear Santa,

I’d like to marry Jonathan Taylor Thomas for Christmas. I’d also like a puppy. Can you give me bigger boobs? Bigger than the ones that jerk Jillian has. Oh, and some of those shoes that turn into skates because I don’t look like a big enough asshole normally.



As you get older, and the suckage of adulthood sets in, you start asking for more practical gifts. Now, my list looks something like this:

Dear Mom & Dad,

I need a new set of dishes and silverware. I also just ran out of my hair serum and face lotion. It’s getting pretty cold here so some winter socks would be nice. I also need towels and meatballs so a gift certificate to Ikea is handy. If all else fails, cash is good. That way I can pay off the loan shark who is threatening to bust my knee caps.



Now I can get that new Flippenflappen couch I've had my eye on

I can get that new Flippenflappen couch I’ve had my eye on

Continue reading

12 Days of Christmas- Day 4

13 Dec

Holy bananas, Batman! You people really love gorillas. Or pizza. Or David Harding. Yesterday’s post was one of my most read pieces in the last few months.

I realized when I wrote this post that we’re four days into my “12 Days of Christmas” series, and I haven’t really talked about Christmas yet. Who has two thumbs and doesn’t think to talk about Christmas in a series with the word ‘Christmas’ in the title. THIS GIRL!

I'm going place

I’m going places

One of my favorite things about the holidays is the array of things you don’t get any other time of year:

  • Eggnog
  • Pumpkin Spice Latte
  • Christmas Peeps
  • A tree just straight cold chillin’ in your house
  • Wearing pants with elastic in the waist without shame
  • The McRib Continue reading

Caffeine and Christmas Cards

6 Dec

I wanted to publish this post yesterday, but couldn’t because of a monkey on my back. Not an actual monkey as they can be volatile and rip your face off without warning. Let me take you back in time so I can explain…

Caffeine and I have had a tempestuous relationship. Growing up, I thought coffee tasted like chalk. My mom and her relatives would sit around the table while the kids came around like waiters, bringing them their liquid crack. When I wasn’t acting like a slave, I was sneaking little tastes here and there. I vowed never to drink it.

Credit: Julius Schorzman

Photo by Julius Schorzman

Then college happened. It was the late 90’s. It was Seattle. It was cold. I was tired. Starbucks stores were on every single corner. I was like one of those vulnerable people who fell into a cult, only I was worshiping baristas. Continue reading

House of Cards

27 Nov

NaNoWriNO Day 27

Topic: Greeting cards- the final frontier


I didn’t intend to do another set of greeting cards as I have already done two posts like this during NaNoWriNO. In the comments section of the last post like this, a few of you requested specific/customized cards. How can I possibly say no? You guys have been kind enough to read this crap every single day for a month, the least I can do is give back a little.

To old wife from new wife (requested by UndercoverL)

Continue reading

HCP Announcement

3 Oct

This is a second blog I’ve started with the lovely Jen from The Modern Woman’s Society. If you’re crafty, love gifting, curious about DIY, want to contribute, or just love supporting friends, please stop by and say hi!

Handmade Christmas Project

Hello my handmade beauties! Its Jen W. here!

I’m beyond excited that the Handmade Christmas Project blog is finally up and running! Full credit and unadulterated praise to the talented and articulate Jen S. for saying we go big with this idea! Crafting Jens to the power of two has the potential to unleash a Christmas craft cataclysm of amazingness. If you haven’t already read the post that inspired this spin-off blog, you can check it out here.

If you’re anything like the two Jens, there simply isn’t enough time in your life for all the craft you want to do. And if you also work full-time (like the two Jens) declaring that you’re going to make all your Christmas gifts this year could be a foolish mistake. FYI kids – as of yesterday, there are only 12 weeks until the big day. Or if you do work full-time, you…

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