Every year when Christmas approaches, I get really excited. Because of Baby Jesus? No. Because of all the presents I’m going to receive? No. Because of the paid day off from work? Nope. My panties get electrified because of the salmonella-laden drink we call Eggnog.
I have a love-hate relationship with The ‘Nog. When I first see this holiday treat decorating the dairy section, I do a little happy dance right in the middle of the aisle. It looks like a cross between the Harlem Shake and the Cabbage Patch. Basically, shit gets crazy at Safeway.
You too can do “The Eggnog” in your local grocery store (credit: Polyvore)
Unfortunately, my enthusiasm causes me to lose my ability to judge how much eggnog I can drink before I want to die. I always go for the big carton, have a couple of glasses, and then regret my decision to purchase so much buttermilk liquid butter of the raw egg concoction.
I let it sit in my fridge for at least a week before I’m forced to make a crucial decision. Do I guzzle the remainder of the container, or do I admit my mistake and throw it away? I’m the world’s biggest cheapskate so there’s no way I’m tossing my money down the drain like that.
Ready the ‘noggy battlefield
Drinking the last of the eggnog is a complicated and painful process for me. It looks something like this:
Day 1: Contemplate drinking the eggnog, but watch “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” instead.
Day 2: Open carton and sniff it. Order pizza and then claim I’m too full to eat or drink anything else.
Day 3: Check the expiration date and see that I have a few more days. SCORE!
Day 4: Pray that the eggnog will magically disappear. Cuss like a sailor when I see that it’s still there.
Day 5: Drink a glass. Unbutton pants and let the bloat set in.
Day 6: Avoid the kitchen at all costs and eat a chip that fell out of my bra the night before.
Day 7: Decide to woman up, and drink the rest of the carton. I’M THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!
Today’s challenge is to tell me if you overindulge in a certain holiday treat, and how you manage to get through it.
Last, but not least, I want to congratulate Dani Heart who is Day 7’s winner! E-mail me at Sipsofjenandtonic@gmail.com to claim your prize.
Hasta mañana…
Sips of Jen and Tonic 
Yum. Eggnog.
My boyfriend is vegan so we get the soy nog! Let me tell you, there is no problem consuming that in our household. We need to restrain ourselves so that we don’t finish it too quickly. It could also be the amount of spiced rum we put in it though. . .
I have never even had eggnog before! I’m in the States next week so I think I should try Eggnog, just because I want to experience that battle. 😉
You’re going to be in the US?! WHERE?!
Kansas City, Missouri! Sorry for the late reply though… I don’t have wifi all the time… Sooo I guess you don’t live anywhere near Missouri, do you? I haven’t had eggnog!! Gosh! I’m bummed! You have some left??? 😀
I love eggnog, but pumpkin pie is my true downfall. I always eat the leftovers for breakfast every morning with coffee until it’s gone. This year I did it for ten days. On the eleventh day I took two bites, decided it was vile, and threw out the rest. I swear this has never happened before, but apparently the eleventh day is the point of diminishing returns.
Oh, pumpkin pie is another good one. I know people who eat a whole pie by themselves during the holidays. Ain’t no shame in that game. Unless you think eating too much and not fitting into your pants is shameful.
I don’t think I’ve ever eaten an egg nog.
On Christmas day I like to eat Dutch cobbler.
Very much.
Just looked up Dutch Cobbler. I need that in my life.
…what? I thought I had made someting up!
Glad you approve 😀
If I told you what eggnog makes me think of, you wouldn’t like me anymore.
Oh, I have a pretty good idea. I think Nikki put it best when she said it was like an “old man’s nasty jizz.”