One of the great things about being a kid is that you can ask for the most ridiculous crap for Christmas. You have no problems writing down that you’d like a laser gun, a pack of Big League Chew and a new baby brother. My list used to look something like this:
Dear Santa,
I’d like to marry Jonathan Taylor Thomas for Christmas. I’d also like a puppy. Can you give me bigger boobs? Bigger than the ones that jerk Jillian has. Oh, and some of those shoes that turn into skates because I don’t look like a big enough asshole normally.
Thanks,
Jen
As you get older, and the suckage of adulthood sets in, you start asking for more practical gifts. Now, my list looks something like this:
Dear Mom & Dad,
I need a new set of dishes and silverware. I also just ran out of my hair serum and face lotion. It’s getting pretty cold here so some winter socks would be nice. I also need towels and meatballs so a gift certificate to Ikea is handy. If all else fails, cash is good. That way I can pay off the loan shark who is threatening to bust my knee caps.
Thanks,
Jen
I can get that new Flippenflappen couch I’ve had my eye on
I thought it’d be fun to do Christmas like a kid again this year. Who cares that it’s better to ask for things that you can actually use rather than something that will end up at the thrift shop in six months? I’m taking back my childhood, and the stupid presents that go along with it!
Here is what I hope to find under the tree this year (click on the pictures to link to their product pages):
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle beanie
This t-shirt is totally appropriate for office functions
Beardo beanie
Bring a little class to your wine bottle
For the two times a year I bake cookies
Wine Rack bra: you can literally drink your tits off
How fun would it be to drive around town wearing this?
Today’s challenge is to tell me which items would be on your “stuff I don’t need but it’d be amazing to have” wish lists.
Speaking of junk that will just take up room in your house one day, yesterday’s prize winner is RFL! E-mail me at SipsofJenandTonic@gmail.com to claim your prize.
See you sexy beasts tomorrow!
Sips of Jen and Tonic 
Omg, the ninja turtle beanie is AMAZING! I’m so getting that for my friend for christmas!!
And all my friends did ask santa for boobs bigger than mine… š hahaha
I’m trying to catch up on my blog reading. Love the Turtle beanie and the dinosaur tshirt. š
When the blog reading gets backed up it’s a nightmare. Been there!
Hammacher Schlemmer submarine.
http://www.hammacher.com/Product/11726?promo=search
Hell. Yes.
I can’t live without this. I’m starting a kickstarter campaign.
I really must have everything on that list now or I will never be happy again. Seriously, that is living in la-la-land, I’d never get any of that. What is on my list this year are just practical things. For Christmas I would like: a trashcan without a broken foot lever that pinches my foot every time I step on it, some new underwear that don’t fall apart after I wash them 3 times (predicament of my life: what’s better, dirty underwear or no underwear), and a sofa for the front room so it doesn’t look like my house doubles as a bowling alley. But I simply must find that wine rack bra because I am tired of all the nasty judgmental looks I get in the school yard from mothers who are jealous that I am sipping my Pinot Noir while waiting for my son and they aren’t. With the wine rack bra, they’d be none the wiser.
The underwear thing happens to me too! I even got one of those delicates mesh bag things they sell, and my underwear was in shreds.
Victoria’s Secret is the way to go. FOTL and Hanes are Raggedy Undies. I even blogged about this. If you search “undies” on my page, you’ll find it. LOL
I’d like a different T-Rex shirt: T-Rex hates push-ups.
http://www.6dollarshirts.com/product.php?productid=12057
HA! I can’t believe that shirt is only 6 bucks.
That wine rack would make the wine all warm. And my boobs all cold until they warmed up the wine. Someone really didn’t think that through (cuz I drink white wine. duh.)
I like that you’re the level headed one among us.
I just like white wine and hate cold boobs.
T-Rex Shirt, YES!
I want a *Radio Controlled Tarantula*…as seen here:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000JM4S8Y?ie=UTF8&tag=americaninven-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B000JM4S8Y
Also, Santa please, I would like a *Nose Shower Gel Dispenser (even cooler than the tarantula) as seen here:
http://www.gifts.com/search/product/nose-shower-gel-dispenser?prodID=370359
Make it happen.
That tarantula is frightening. I could see seriously messing with people using that thing.
I’m saying a little prayer you get the gel dispenser!
Already got it. But, you can still buy me the Tarantula?
I love the unicorn mask. I could take the top off the jeep and drive around in it – the horn extending above the windshield. I would like some of those huge sunglasses to wear over the mask – that would make Christmas complete.
Oh god! Owning a jeep with this mask would be unbelievably funny.
That unicorn mask is DISTURBING! Which makes me want it. I also want that Ninja Turtles beanie. But what I’ve been bothering Joe to get me ever since we saw Frankenweenie in 3D…is THIS amazingness….
http://www.otacute.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=30060
Apparently he’s only available in Japan…but I told Joe to make. it. happen.
Japanese people always have the cutest stuff.
I smell what you’re steppin in. Check this out
http://www.kotulas.com/deals/kotulas-favorites/all-favorites/7in1-deluxe-game-table
Kotulas is like Finger Hut, or Sky Mall….but for dudes!! This whole site could be on the list.
WHOA. That is the ultimate game table.
I read “See you sexy breasts tomorrow” and I thought “Yeah you will!!” Don’t even know what that means…
Also, that t-rex shirt and wine rack bra are awesome!!
The wine bra makes sense for those nights when I’m too lazy to keep getting up and pouring myself another glass. Let’s be honest, I’m drinking the whole bottle.
I bet there’s less spillage involved too since you don’t have any open containers to swing around.
Scratch the Beardo Beanie off my list (one is enough)…
… so how ’bout A KILT!!!
(I hear the Beaverton Goodwill has ’em in stock)
Any excuse to let your johnson hang out.
Excuse?!!
The beardo beenie is pretty damn cool, but not as cool as… http://www.dudeiwantthat.com/style/clothing/reversible-chewbacca-hoodie.asp
A REVERSIBLE CHEWBACCA HOODIE!!!
My mind was just blown, and I suddenly feel like I’ve missed out on life not owning that.
Me, too. Now if only I had $190…
A Robot dog/pickle washer
Very practical.
Something that would be cool to have that I don’t actually need? Honestly, I want a 19th century throwing ax/tomahawk and lessons on how to throw it. Why? Because it looks cool when Davy Crockett does it. I am a 10-year old.
Otherwise, a date with Aubrey Plaza would be great.
True story: I used to own a tomahawk that I kept underneath my pillow at night. I’m not sure what made me want one, but I had it for a couple of years.
Because they’re cool? That’s why you’d want one!
I must admit by this age I have decided I don’t need anything. For the past few years I have asked that I don’t get a present. My parents send money, yes, but that goes straight to bills, my kids or savings account. I think you get to an age, at least for me, and no longer desire what you don’t have. Yet again, my parents told me I never really asked for much even when I was a kid – AND I was brought up in the 1980’s when you apparently wanted everything!
I suppose if I MUST ask for something – to meet Ewan. But realistically I just want to meet some of my friends, whom I have never spoken to in person, and sit down and have a cup of coffee or glass of wine. That would be a VERY special gift. I know it because it already happened with one friend and it was one of the greatest times in my life. š
I’ve heard Ewan makes the best stocking stuffer.
I’m trying to cut down on clutter, so I have nothing like that on my list. Although, I did see a cake pop maker at Target that would be pretty cool…
As for the guy who would wear a Beardo beanie? I’m guessing he wouldn’t have a girlfriend.
I saw that same cake pop maker! It’s so impractical, but so necessary at the same time.
There seems to be a ninja theme here, Jen. Having a subconscious urge to kick some ass? And I could go for that wine bottle cover. Believe or not, my favorite garb to wear around the house is my Carhartts. Amazingly comfortable.
If this life size Bruce Lee cutout is any indication, I would say I’m obsessed with being a ninja.
And maybe a boob massage.
And my rent paid for a year.
And something that makes me look kind and selfless, like world peace (but let’s be realistic here).
DONE.
I want of those huge, fluffy bean bags to get lost in! A comfy one! I would get stuck there and have to spend the whole day there.
I had one of those! They’re really great, until you can’t get out of them and have to do some weird roll out of it.
I have never needed anything more than I need that unicorn mask.
I’m not asking for anything this year except sleep. Or sleep for my children since I’m selfless like that. Either way, I want quiet, uninterrupted, reboot time.
We should get matching unicorn masks.
Seriously. Bucket list. I really really really hope this happens one day.
Oh, that T-Rex shirt is AWESOME. The beardo beanie is so weird it’s functional. And the vinderalls must be just as hard to get off a bottle as they are on a person.
Perfect gifts.
The beardo beanie just makes sense. It’s like a ski mask, but a lot less bank robberish.
Besides, who wants a cold chin this time of year?
I want all of those things. Especially the t-rex shirt. RAWR.
You sexy t-rex!
I am SO buying the T-Rex t-shirt for my brother – thanks for that most awesome of gift ideas!
Isn’t that shirt crazy awesome? Hope your brother likes it!