12 Days of Christmas- Day 5

14 Dec

One of the great things about being a kid is that you can ask for the most ridiculous crap for Christmas. You have no problems writing down that you’d like a laser gun, a pack of Big League Chew and a new baby brother. My list used to look something like this:

Dear Santa,

I’d like to marry Jonathan Taylor Thomas for Christmas. I’d also like a puppy. Can you give me bigger boobs? Bigger than the ones that jerk Jillian has. Oh, and some of those shoes that turn into skates because I don’t look like a big enough asshole normally.



As you get older, and the suckage of adulthood sets in, you start asking for more practical gifts. Now, my list looks something like this:

Dear Mom & Dad,

I need a new set of dishes and silverware. I also just ran out of my hair serum and face lotion. It’s getting pretty cold here so some winter socks would be nice. I also need towels and meatballs so a gift certificate to Ikea is handy. If all else fails, cash is good. That way I can pay off the loan shark who is threatening to bust my knee caps.



Now I can get that new Flippenflappen couch I've had my eye on

I can get that new Flippenflappen couch I’ve had my eye on

I thought it’d be fun to do Christmas like a kid again this year. Who cares that it’s better to ask for things that you can actually use rather than something that will end up at the thrift shop in six months? I’m taking back my childhood, and the stupid presents that go along with it!

Here is what I hope to find under the tree this year (click on the pictures to link to their product pages):

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Beanie

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle beanie

This t-shirt which is totally appropriate for office functions

This t-shirt is totally appropriate for office functions

Beardo beanie

Beardo beanie

Bring a little class to your wine bottle

Bring a little class to your wine bottle

For the two times a year I bake cookies

For the two times a year I bake cookies

You can literally drink your tits off

Wine Rack bra: you can literally drink your tits off

How fun would it be to drive around town wearing this?

How fun would it be to drive around town wearing this?

Today’s challenge is to tell me which items would be on your “stuff I don’t need but it’d be amazing to have” wish lists.

Speaking of junk that will just take up room in your house one day, yesterday’s prize winner is RFL! E-mail me at SipsofJenandTonic@gmail.com to claim your prize.

See you sexy beasts tomorrow!

58 Responses to “12 Days of Christmas- Day 5”

  1. GiggsMcGill Jill 12/18/2012 at 12:18 pm #

    Omg, the ninja turtle beanie is AMAZING! I’m so getting that for my friend for christmas!!

    And all my friends did ask santa for boobs bigger than mine… šŸ˜‰ hahaha

  2. writerwendyreid 12/16/2012 at 2:48 pm #

    I’m trying to catch up on my blog reading. Love the Turtle beanie and the dinosaur tshirt. šŸ™‚

    • Jen and Tonic 12/17/2012 at 4:04 pm #

      When the blog reading gets backed up it’s a nightmare. Been there!

  3. El Guapo 12/15/2012 at 8:05 pm #

    Hammacher Schlemmer submarine.
    Hell. Yes.

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 8:08 pm #

      I can’t live without this. I’m starting a kickstarter campaign.

  4. UndercoverL 12/15/2012 at 7:57 am #

    I really must have everything on that list now or I will never be happy again. Seriously, that is living in la-la-land, I’d never get any of that. What is on my list this year are just practical things. For Christmas I would like: a trashcan without a broken foot lever that pinches my foot every time I step on it, some new underwear that don’t fall apart after I wash them 3 times (predicament of my life: what’s better, dirty underwear or no underwear), and a sofa for the front room so it doesn’t look like my house doubles as a bowling alley. But I simply must find that wine rack bra because I am tired of all the nasty judgmental looks I get in the school yard from mothers who are jealous that I am sipping my Pinot Noir while waiting for my son and they aren’t. With the wine rack bra, they’d be none the wiser.

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 8:00 pm #

      The underwear thing happens to me too! I even got one of those delicates mesh bag things they sell, and my underwear was in shreds.

      • UndercoverL 12/17/2012 at 10:37 am #

        Victoria’s Secret is the way to go. FOTL and Hanes are Raggedy Undies. I even blogged about this. If you search “undies” on my page, you’ll find it. LOL

  5. incognitomusicmagazine 12/14/2012 at 10:54 pm #

    I’d like a different T-Rex shirt: T-Rex hates push-ups.

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:58 pm #

      HA! I can’t believe that shirt is only 6 bucks.

  6. Lyssapants 12/14/2012 at 8:24 pm #

    That wine rack would make the wine all warm. And my boobs all cold until they warmed up the wine. Someone really didn’t think that through (cuz I drink white wine. duh.)

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:57 pm #

      I like that you’re the level headed one among us.

      • Lyssapants 12/16/2012 at 4:55 pm #

        I just like white wine and hate cold boobs.

  7. Adam S 12/14/2012 at 7:20 pm #

    T-Rex Shirt, YES!

    I want a *Radio Controlled Tarantula*…as seen here:

    Also, Santa please, I would like a *Nose Shower Gel Dispenser (even cooler than the tarantula) as seen here:

    Make it happen.

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:57 pm #

      That tarantula is frightening. I could see seriously messing with people using that thing.

      I’m saying a little prayer you get the gel dispenser!

      • Adam S 12/15/2012 at 9:37 pm #

        Already got it. But, you can still buy me the Tarantula?

  8. artsifrtsy 12/14/2012 at 5:55 pm #

    I love the unicorn mask. I could take the top off the jeep and drive around in it – the horn extending above the windshield. I would like some of those huge sunglasses to wear over the mask – that would make Christmas complete.

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:56 pm #

      Oh god! Owning a jeep with this mask would be unbelievably funny.

  9. Nicole Marie 12/14/2012 at 4:14 pm #

    That unicorn mask is DISTURBING! Which makes me want it. I also want that Ninja Turtles beanie. But what I’ve been bothering Joe to get me ever since we saw Frankenweenie in 3D…is THIS amazingness….


    Apparently he’s only available in Japan…but I told Joe to make. it. happen.

  10. Brother Jon 12/14/2012 at 2:52 pm #

    I smell what you’re steppin in. Check this out


    Kotulas is like Finger Hut, or Sky Mall….but for dudes!! This whole site could be on the list.

  11. vyvacious 12/14/2012 at 2:50 pm #

    I read “See you sexy breasts tomorrow” and I thought “Yeah you will!!” Don’t even know what that means…

    Also, that t-rex shirt and wine rack bra are awesome!!

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:54 pm #

      The wine bra makes sense for those nights when I’m too lazy to keep getting up and pouring myself another glass. Let’s be honest, I’m drinking the whole bottle.

      • vyvacious 12/26/2012 at 9:32 am #

        I bet there’s less spillage involved too since you don’t have any open containers to swing around.

  12. Bill Friday 12/14/2012 at 12:43 pm #

    Scratch the Beardo Beanie off my list (one is enough)…

    … so how ’bout A KILT!!!

    (I hear the Beaverton Goodwill has ’em in stock)

  13. twindaddy 12/14/2012 at 12:33 pm #

    The beardo beenie is pretty damn cool, but not as cool as… http://www.dudeiwantthat.com/style/clothing/reversible-chewbacca-hoodie.asp

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:53 pm #

      My mind was just blown, and I suddenly feel like I’ve missed out on life not owning that.

      • twindaddy 12/16/2012 at 6:55 am #

        Me, too. Now if only I had $190…

  14. Christopher De Voss 12/14/2012 at 12:16 pm #

    A Robot dog/pickle washer

  15. calahan 12/14/2012 at 11:57 am #

    Something that would be cool to have that I don’t actually need? Honestly, I want a 19th century throwing ax/tomahawk and lessons on how to throw it. Why? Because it looks cool when Davy Crockett does it. I am a 10-year old.

    Otherwise, a date with Aubrey Plaza would be great.

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:52 pm #

      True story: I used to own a tomahawk that I kept underneath my pillow at night. I’m not sure what made me want one, but I had it for a couple of years.

      • calahan 12/15/2012 at 11:27 pm #

        Because they’re cool? That’s why you’d want one!

  16. Tired of Previews? (@TiredofPreviews) 12/14/2012 at 10:30 am #

    I must admit by this age I have decided I don’t need anything. For the past few years I have asked that I don’t get a present. My parents send money, yes, but that goes straight to bills, my kids or savings account. I think you get to an age, at least for me, and no longer desire what you don’t have. Yet again, my parents told me I never really asked for much even when I was a kid – AND I was brought up in the 1980’s when you apparently wanted everything!

    I suppose if I MUST ask for something – to meet Ewan. But realistically I just want to meet some of my friends, whom I have never spoken to in person, and sit down and have a cup of coffee or glass of wine. That would be a VERY special gift. I know it because it already happened with one friend and it was one of the greatest times in my life. šŸ™‚

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:51 pm #

      I’ve heard Ewan makes the best stocking stuffer.

  17. Carrie Rubin 12/14/2012 at 9:55 am #

    I’m trying to cut down on clutter, so I have nothing like that on my list. Although, I did see a cake pop maker at Target that would be pretty cool…

    As for the guy who would wear a Beardo beanie? I’m guessing he wouldn’t have a girlfriend.

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:51 pm #

      I saw that same cake pop maker! It’s so impractical, but so necessary at the same time.

  18. Cathy Ulrich 12/14/2012 at 9:04 am #

    There seems to be a ninja theme here, Jen. Having a subconscious urge to kick some ass? And I could go for that wine bottle cover. Believe or not, my favorite garb to wear around the house is my Carhartts. Amazingly comfortable.

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:51 pm #

      If this life size Bruce Lee cutout is any indication, I would say I’m obsessed with being a ninja.

  19. saradraws 12/14/2012 at 8:59 am #

    And maybe a boob massage.

    • saradraws 12/14/2012 at 8:59 am #

      And my rent paid for a year.

      • saradraws 12/14/2012 at 9:01 am #

        And something that makes me look kind and selfless, like world peace (but let’s be realistic here).

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:50 pm #


  20. The Bumble Files 12/14/2012 at 8:59 am #

    I want of those huge, fluffy bean bags to get lost in! A comfy one! I would get stuck there and have to spend the whole day there.

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:50 pm #

      I had one of those! They’re really great, until you can’t get out of them and have to do some weird roll out of it.

  21. saradraws 12/14/2012 at 8:58 am #

    I have never needed anything more than I need that unicorn mask.
    I’m not asking for anything this year except sleep. Or sleep for my children since I’m selfless like that. Either way, I want quiet, uninterrupted, reboot time.

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:49 pm #

      We should get matching unicorn masks.

      • saradraws 12/16/2012 at 6:35 am #

        Seriously. Bucket list. I really really really hope this happens one day.

  22. iRuniBreathe 12/14/2012 at 8:53 am #

    Oh, that T-Rex shirt is AWESOME. The beardo beanie is so weird it’s functional. And the vinderalls must be just as hard to get off a bottle as they are on a person.
    Perfect gifts.

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:49 pm #

      The beardo beanie just makes sense. It’s like a ski mask, but a lot less bank robberish.

      • iRuniBreathe 12/15/2012 at 8:56 pm #

        Besides, who wants a cold chin this time of year?

  23. becca3416 12/14/2012 at 8:49 am #

    I want all of those things. Especially the t-rex shirt. RAWR.

  24. DeeDee 12/14/2012 at 8:45 am #

    I am SO buying the T-Rex t-shirt for my brother – thanks for that most awesome of gift ideas!

    • Jen and Tonic 12/15/2012 at 7:48 pm #

      Isn’t that shirt crazy awesome? Hope your brother likes it!

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