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12 Days of Christmas- Day 5

One of the great things about being a kid is that you can ask for the most ridiculous crap for Christmas. You have no problems writing down that you’d like a laser gun, a pack of Big League Chew and a new baby brother. My list used to look something like this:

Dear Santa,

I’d like to marry Jonathan Taylor Thomas for Christmas. I’d also like a puppy. Can you give me bigger boobs? Bigger than the ones that jerk Jillian has. Oh, and some of those shoes that turn into skates because I don’t look like a big enough asshole normally.

Thanks,

Jen

As you get older, and the suckage of adulthood sets in, you start asking for more practical gifts. Now, my list looks something like this:

Dear Mom & Dad,

I need a new set of dishes and silverware. I also just ran out of my hair serum and face lotion. It’s getting pretty cold here so some winter socks would be nice. I also need towels and meatballs so a gift certificate to Ikea is handy. If all else fails, cash is good. That way I can pay off the loan shark who is threatening to bust my knee caps.

Thanks,

Jen

I can get that new Flippenflappen couch I’ve had my eye on

Continue reading →

Tags: beardo, christmas, humor, ikea, ninja cookie cutters, ninja turtle beanie, presents, rawr I'm a dinosaur, this unicorn mask makes me so badass, those skate shoes make you look like an asshole, vinderalls, wine rack bra

Comments 58 Comments
Categories 12 Days of Christmas, Do Gooding

12 Days of Christmas- Day 4

13 Dec

Holy bananas, Batman! You people really love gorillas. Or pizza. Or David Harding. Yesterday’s post was one of my most read pieces in the last few months.

I realized when I wrote this post that we’re four days into my “12 Days of Christmas” series, and I haven’t really talked about Christmas yet. Who has two thumbs and doesn’t think to talk about Christmas in a series with the word ‘Christmas’ in the title. THIS GIRL!

I’m going places

One of my favorite things about the holidays is the array of things you don’t get any other time of year:

Eggnog
Pumpkin Spice Latte
Christmas Peeps
A tree just straight cold chillin’ in your house
Wearing pants with elastic in the waist without shame
The McRib Continue reading →

Tags: 12 days of christmas, christmas, giveaway, Hello to everyone reading these tags, I have two thumbs, I want to rub my body with sourdough bread, mcrib, poinsetta cocktail, pumpkin spice latte, sourdough stuffing recipe

Comments 96 Comments
Categories 12 Days of Christmas, Do Gooding

12 Days of Christmas- Day 3

12 Dec

I thought Day 1 of this series was great, but Day 2 was even better! All of you brought your ‘A’ game, and I saw a lot of really cool videos for the first time. If I could, I’d buy each of you a drink, and then yawn and put my arm around you. Let’s face it, you want that too.

Moving on to Day 3…

I look a good challenge. I tried to get David Hasselhoff to tweet me back when Le Clown issued this Twitter challenge on his blog. I created and completed NaNoWriNO. I once outdrank a Russian gymnast in an effort to win $20 bucks and a blackened liver.

I recently read a post David Harding put up about his P izzaBoxDrawcember contest, and knew I had to enter. You need to click that little link to read the full story, but let me summarize the rules here:

Order a pizza
Ask the pizza making wizards to draw a gorilla throwing dice on the pizza box (other drawings acceptable, but I tried to keep with the original theme)
Leave the fate of your drawing in the hands of a pizza pusher

I like pizza. I like gorillas. I like David. I like winning. NO BRAINER. Continue reading →

Tags: contest, david harding, garlic jim's, giveaway, gorillas throwing dice, humor, Oregon, pizza, pizzaboxdrawcember, Portland

Comments 80 Comments
Categories 12 Days of Christmas, Challenges, Do Gooding

12 Days of Christmas- Day 2

11 Dec

Hooked on Tonics, you are magnificent beasts! Yesterday was a very successful first day for the 12 Days of Christmas bonanza.

Recap:

I discovered new bloggers, and I hope the rest of you did as well by reading through the comments section
@Freshly_Pressed took notice of the recommendations everyone sent
Madame “Midas Touch” Weebles managed to get A Smell Press Life Freshly Pressed!

Basically, we're taking over the internet

Basically, we’re taking over WordPress.

Big ups to everyone who participated! I apologize to those without a Twitter account as you weren’t able to fully participate, but that’s what the other 11 days are for! So what is today’s challenge? Continue reading →

Tags: 12 days of christmans, calahan, contest, freshly pressed, giveaway, Madame Weebles

Comments 145 Comments
Categories 12 Days of Christmas, Do Gooding

12 Days of Christmas – Day 1

10 Dec

Some of you may not know this, but I am quite the crafty little devil. I am a huge DIY (do it yourself) junkie, and I love upcycling things I find at thrift shops or garage sales. I always had tons of creative ideas floating around in my head, but it has only been in the last few years that I’ve acted on them.

Some of my projects include:

Chalkboard coffee table

Liquor glass candle holders

Taj Mahal

I tried to make a lot of my Christmas gifts this year. I’ve got a clutch, a vase, picture collages and a few others things in the works. I prefer giving personalized gifts because I think it really conveys how much I want my presents to be better than everyone else’s. Continue reading →

Tags: 12 days of christmas, contest, david hasselhoff, diy, freshly pressed, giveaway, humor, phonics by tonic, three wolf moon

Comments 110 Comments
Categories 12 Days of Christmas, Do Gooding

Mo Money Movember

19 Oct

So there’s this guy you may have heard of, and his name is Le Clown. If you haven’t, you need to educate yourself because there are two things in life I take very seriously: (1) Law & Order marathons on the USA network and (2) blogging clowns. Without those things, what’s the point of living?

There are a few things you need to know about him:

(1) He breastfeeds sock monkeys

(2) He hates Rush, one of the greatest bands of all time

(3) He has serious camel ball

He’s also a very generous dude who loves to have a million projects going on at once. His latest effort is the Bloggers for Movember campaign. Movember is a cause which takes place each November, and helps raise money and build awareness around men’s health issues, specifically testicular and prostate cancers. Something I was unaware of is that it also aims to do the same for men’s mental health issues.

It didn’t surprise me that Le Clown wanted to get involved. I mean, this is a guy who massages his prostate courtesy of Klout. There are a handful of ways you can show your support, all of which are outlined in his post (all applicable links below.) My favorite is the growing of a mustache (or beard!) during the month of November.

Naturally, I wanted to participate because not only do I love me some charity, but I love me some facial hair. “Jen, you can’t grow a mustache. You’re a girl!” Oh, on the contrary my lovely Hooked on Tonics. I’m partially Mexican and have the testosterone level of Lou Ferrigno. This means I get a five o’clock shadow at half past two.

I know it’s not November yet, but I thought I’d kick things off to get people motivated to throw their hat in the ring when the time comes.