Tag Archives: Oregon

Vag of Dishonor

2 Nov

It’s no secret that I embarrass myself on a regular basis. I’ve farted in a trainer’s face, a woman once congratulated me on my diarrhea, and I even confessed to taking a dump in an empty Porta Potty. Needless to say, I spend the majority of my time and energy trying to see if a person can actually die of humiliation.

Something else that people know about me is that I love to hike. I love the smell of the mountain air. I love the view at the top. I love being one of those annoying people on Facebook who posts dozens of photos to prove that her ass hasn’t yet melded with her couch.

"America's Funniest Home Videos, fuck yeah."

“Come on Maury, hurry up. I need to know if he’s the father.”

I had been wanting to do one particular trail in the Columbia River Gorge, and finally managed to get out there a few weeks ago. Most hikes have bathrooms at their trail heads, but once you’re out there, you’re on your own. Continue reading →

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12 Days of Christmas- Day 3

12 Dec

I thought Day 1 of this series was great, but Day 2 was even better! All of you brought your ‘A’ game, and I saw a lot of really cool videos for the first time. If I could, I’d buy each of you a drink, and then yawn and put my arm around you. Let’s face it, you want that too.

Moving on to Day 3…

I look a good challenge. I tried to get David Hasselhoff to tweet me back when Le Clown issued this Twitter challenge on his blog. I created and completed NaNoWriNO. I once outdrank a Russian gymnast in an effort to win $20 bucks and a blackened liver.

I recently read a post David Harding put up about his PizzaBoxDrawcember contest, and knew I had to enter. You need to click that little link to read the full story, but let me summarize the rules here:

  • Order a pizza
  • Ask the pizza making wizards to draw a gorilla throwing dice on the pizza box (other drawings acceptable, but I tried to keep with the original theme)
  • Leave the fate of your drawing in the hands of a pizza pusher

I like pizza. I like gorillas. I  like David. I like winning. NO BRAINER. Continue reading →

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Oregon vs. California

31 Aug

Credit: adapted from artwork by Vacuum3D

I’ve lived in Oregon for three years now, and only recently have I felt like I’ve adjusted to living here. It’s not that this is a bad place; rather, moving from California seemed like coming from a different planet. The two places couldn’t be more opposite, and sometimes it shocks me that they actually border each other.

Quite often in the first year after we moved I threatened go back home. The people drove too slowly, I couldn’t find one decent Mexican restaurant, I was convinced the radio stations only had three songs they all played on a loop. My significant other would remind me that homesickness clouds our judgment about the place we were so desperate to get out of in the first place.

He was right. I had forgotten about all of the things which really bothered me about my home state because I was so focused on griping about the new place. So I did some side-by-side comparisons, and realized both have their quirks.

Continue reading →

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