Hallmark My Words

18 Nov

NaNoWriNO Day 18

Topic: Greeting cards – Part 2

What do Charles Bukowski, E. E. Cummings, Langston Hughes and Jen and Tonic have in common? They are all amazing poets who have not only gifted the world with their words, but also with their incredibly sexy bodies.

My Poetic License post seemed to be a hit, and really showcased how versatile and talented and ridiculously funny I am as a writer. Who else could marry herpes and Slurpees in the form of a sympathy card? A GENIUS.

Ready for Round 2? I am.

For the happy husband on his wedding day

For the new graduate in your life

For your wife on your anniversary

For your husband on your anniversary

It feels good to be a gangster.


Thanks to Cathy at Large Self who suggested I do another set of cards from the Hooked on Tonic® greeting card line.

NaNoWriNO Day 17

NaNoWriNO Day 19

67 Responses to “Hallmark My Words”

  1. jeandayfriday 11/27/2012 at 11:21 am #

    Hilarious! I think you could give Hallmark a run for its money!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/28/2012 at 1:06 pm #

      I told the CEO of Hallmark you said this. He just told me to “bring it”.

  2. Smaktakula 11/23/2012 at 1:15 pm #

    These are wickedly funny, and I say in all seriousness that maybe you should look into having them produced somewhere.

    I don’t like cards–I think in most cases they’re a waste of paper. However, a few years ago there was a deliciously funny line of cards (I can no longer remember the name, I want to say ‘Truly Tasteless Greetings) that are sadly out of print. I loved them. They typically featured old woodcut images that looked to be produced in the 19th Century. My very favorite had on the cover a picture of a loving couple locked in an amorous embrace. The card reads “I’ve been searching all my life for you,”

    Inside it reads, “And now I’m going to kill you.”

    Another one (and this one may lose some of its impact thanks to my anemic powers of description) doesn’t have a caption on the outside, just an old picture of knights riding headlong into battle. Inside it says, “We’re fucked.”

    • Jen and Tonic 11/23/2012 at 1:44 pm #

      YES!!! I love cards like that. Rotten Cards and The Old Tomfoolery are two of my favorite greeting card lines. I am currently in the process of figuring out how to market my cards. People seem to like them so much it seems stupid not to give it a go.

  3. vyvacious 11/20/2012 at 10:59 am #

    The anniversary card to his wife is my favorite card 😛 Blowjobs help solve lots of problems!! …While creating a few more here and there…

    • Jen and Tonic 11/23/2012 at 11:29 am #

      Blowjobs could honestly stop wars. Think about how happy all of those politicians would be!

      • vyvacious 11/23/2012 at 12:17 pm #

        Ah yes, but their wives would not be so joyous.


  1. NaNoWriNO: The Conclusion « Sips of Jen and Tonic - 11/30/2012

    […] Greeting Card Post #2 […]

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