As many of you may have noticed, I am really awesome. I’m talking the kind of awesome that makes people want to print out my picture and put it in their wallets. This means others are constantly asking me for my autograph, naming their firstborn after me, and giving me blog awards.
Le Clown, a fellow WordPresser and all around sexy beast, recently gave me an award because I left a very dignified comment about farts on his blog. I got a cool Clown on Fire badge (which you can find under “Tonic’s Haunts” on the right side of my homepage) which I was to distribute around the internet at leisure.
Unfortunately, WordPress was being a major player hater, and wouldn’t let me sprinkle clown dust everywhere. Le Clown, not one to let a little thing like HTML blockage stop him, came up with a new plan. I was to act as his personal blog assistant as well as write a blog post about him. How convenient that this all worked out in his favor.
I must admit, being his right-hand (wo)man was actually really fun!
We answered a few e-mails together:
He sat in the big boss chair and dictated his next blog post:
We emotionally bonded:
I guarded the bathroom stall while he dropped a deuce:
I let him drive my car:
I helped him put on his clown makeup:
We went rock climbing:
I baked him cookies:
I put him down for a nap:
I’d highly recommend trying out for this prestigious award. Le Clown is one of the nicest people I’ve met in the blogsophere, and he knows how to have a good time.
Thanks for the memories! On to your next minion…
Sips of Jen and Tonic 
I was so inspired by your clever clowning that I enlisted all three of my children in the International Le Clown Traveling Circus.
Expect a lot of juggling, and water being squirted from their lapels.
SOL! (snort out loud) .. I ts like a three ringed circus in here… I can;t get a seat ringside and I don;t even have a bad pun…. you thought of everything.. that had to be a precarious moment there n the toilet seat no? I woulda said..donuts but that would be it… great job
The toilet situation went surprisingly well. Clown is a very “regular” guy.
might start a movement
LOVE this. I didn’t know you were such a proficient personal assistant Jen…my favourite is you and Le Clown doing a squishy face selfie.
Aren’t we just the cutest besties you’ve ever seen?
So totes. (That’s what the kids say these days).
I wanna come and stay with you ! Will you heat me up cookies and take me rock climing too ? 😉 Xx Kel
Climbing * fingers the size of a mans I swear ….. 😀
Absolutely! I’ll heat up those cookies like a professional baker.
You people positively SLAY me! Just the tonic I needed today!!!
The comment section on this is funnier than the post itself
I don’t think Le Clown did any of those things.
HE WAS FRAMED!!!!
(No, I couldn;t stop myself, and yes, I did read the rest of the comments to make sure no one else said it)
*heads back off in ignominy*
*while chuckling*
I laughed WAAAAAAAY too hard at that. DAMN YOU, EL GUAPO. Why must you be funnier than I am?
Jen, you appear to be an excellent assistant. Have you considered asking Le Clown for a raise?
Le Clown got me ten new followers and a ridiculous amount of views today. If I ask him for a raise on top of that he’s going to send Lord Evil Poppy to live with me.
This is hilarious… you baked him cookies 🙂 Did you squeeze his red nose too?
I couldn’t get close enough– he kept squirting me with the flower in his pocket.
I bet he did! I think you’re amazingly brave Jen.
Just had an epic laugh at your dating translation list. Hilariously funny.
If it saves even one person from a Craigslist nightmare then I’ve done my job.
I think you’ve done an amazing job Jen. Your list should be printed in the big newspapers. Some of your points are really frigging scary too, like the concubine in the closet. There are so many weird and fucked-up people out there.
I found an image should I mail to you now?
Really, there ARE so many crazies out there. You have to be really careful because the anonymity of the internet brings out the worst in certain people.
E-mail me at: SipsofJenandTonic@gmail.com
Okay picture aired, somewhere in cyberspace.
OMG. Just looked at the picture. I am going to have a ridiculously good time with this.
Jen, I’m so looking forward, sure you’ll have fun.
Please have fun responsibly.
Never
Good. Otherwise I’m not sure I would trust you with my image.
Note for posterity: should’ve left a peek-a-poo in the toilet shot. That would’ve been awesome.
Peek-a-poo sounds like a Pokemon character
Frickin’ awesome!
Thanks! Now go to Clown’s blog and leave an awesome comment so YOU can have this much fun with him.
No one will be able to top that. Great post! And I’m glad you didn’t drop Le Clown in the toilet by mistake. But as magnificent as he is, surely he would have been able to swim out…
I made sure he went through rigorous potty training before I let him go in there by himself.
That is too cool! Very creative!
Thanks! And thanks for stopping by 🙂
Kyle,
Fancy meeting you here? Have you done my flames, yet? And Jen is awesome, isn’t she?
Le Clown
Yes, the hype surrounding me is true.
The Clown you depict here seems strangely two-dimensional. And not at all on fire!
You’re right…I should have set him on fire. DAMN!
Smak,
I’d like to see you rival Jen’s work. Perhaps you should be next week’s Le Clown’s personal assistant…
Le Clown
A Smaktakula smackdown!
I think you need to take doodle Jen with you and see if the world thinks you are like the new cooler Olsen Twins!
YES! I’ll take my twin to the movies, to dinner, maybe do each other’s hair…
Viciously Sweet,
Hi.
Le Magnificently Sweet Clown
Wow, you took him rock climbing? Now I am impressed—by both of you!
He kept crying when he’d look down, but he made it to the top!
Jen’s right. And she had no clue my bladder was as weak as it was. Jen, so sorry that we had to stop peeing each 2 1/2 minutes.
Le Clown
That’s okay. I just wish I had you climbing below me, and not above me. Golden Showers are not so golden…
I must admit I do have a Tonic mask I occasionally wear and speak to in the mirror, had some great coversations, ah the memories, good times.
What a coincidence! I have a Garry mask I put on…
Garry,
I’m just leaving a comment as I think you have one rad name. “Garry” is fantastic indeed.
Le Clown
GAWDDAMMIT! Now he’s going to expect this shit from me…
J&T, you made me grunt mirthfully, and for that, I am grateful. You are the funny star in my emotional milky way. What does that mean? I don’t know…
I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I didn’t actually bake those cookies. I bought them from the store, and then heated them up in the microwave. Clown couldn’t tell the difference.
He likes microwaved non-foods. It kind of a hobby for him.
Sara,
I’ve read somewhere that Jen put a bow on her vagina for her boyfriend. Crazy, right? And inspirational…
Le Clown
No.
Sorry to interrupt, here, but I’m so stealing that funny star shit–that’s a classic line that I intend to tell all my co-workers tomorrow…cause I love them…and I love y’all too…
“Yo, Clown. I’m really happy for you, Imma let you finish, but Sara had one of the best comments of all time. One of the BEST COMMENTS of all time!”
Does this mean I get to be a J&T personal assistant for a week?
YES PLEASE
what kind of assistery do you need? I don’t do clogged drains or intimate waxing, but most other things are a go.
I need someone who can control this unruly mustache of mine. Oh, and my sideburns. Oh, and my chin hairs. Oh, and my nose hair #WolverineStatus
Make it yours and spread the weird love.
Haha! This is SO awesome 🙂 Love Le Clown’s picture too. I wiped away a tear when I saw you baked him cookies. Lovely, so lovely.
I had to get the baked goods in there! Sadly, I didn’t have any cupcakes on hand, but cookies are always a nice second choice 😉
TJLubrano,
Best. Cookies. Ever. And best week of my life. It bumped the birth of my kids as most fun I’ve ever had…
Le Clown
You magnificent cross-breeding bastards, you.
Brian,
Such crude language. But when it comes from you, it becomes so eloquent.
Le Clown
Westbye: eloquent as shit.
Brian,
My point exactly: A The Pulitzer Prize contender just here.
Le Clown
Sounds like you’ve got a new tagline for your blog!
Brilliant, Jen! Can you come up with one for my blog as effortlessly?
Self! Take a note!
Christine, I can’t take credit for that one since Brian came up with it on his own. For your blog I’d say…
“The Book of Alice: Shiz just got real”
I’ll let Brian throw his hat in the ring.
Jen,
You’ve set the bar so high, I do not know how any other personal assistant will be able to measure up to your magnificence. I will reblog this one this afternoon, and will give you an eternal place on Le Clown’s blog. Le Clown laughed so much, he had tears. You are the best.
Le Clown
AH! I’m so happy this pleased you, Le Clown. There were so many people on your post saying they couldn’t commit to the responsibility of being your assistant, but I wanted to prove it’s worth the work!!
After getting pummeled by your lady in the Sweet Mother challenge, I needed to prove myself with this one.
Also, you’re a terrible driver.
Now that is commitment to funny, Jen. Seriously.
Right?
Le Clown
The funniest part of the whole thing was a lady walking in on me taking a picture…of a picture in a picture frame…on a toilet.
Bwah ha ha ha ha! Fabulous.