NaNoWriNO Day 27
Topic: Greeting cards- the final frontier
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I didn’t intend to do another set of greeting cards as I have already done two posts like this during NaNoWriNO. In the comments section of the last post like this, a few of you requested specific/customized cards. How can I possibly say no? You guys have been kind enough to read this crap every single day for a month, the least I can do is give back a little.
To old wife from new wife (requested by UndercoverL)
Mother’s Day card for a terrible mom (requested by UndercoverL)
Early birthday card for Madame Weebles
Christmas card for Emily
Thanksgiving card for Lyssa
Final note: I am going to be making a fun little greeting card line on the side. The people have spoken, and I was listening. I’ll let you guys know when that is up and running.
Final final note: Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday yesterday. I had the craziest day ever, and haven’t gotten a chance to respond, but wanted you all to know I read each word and was very appreciative.
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Thanks to the following bloggers for making these requests:
Sips of Jen and Tonic 
Funny shit! Nothing says christmas like buddy jesus and ass spreads.
Only if Buddy Jesus had a spread ass.
Res erection.
Yessss!!! This will come especially helpful next year.
I like that you’re planning ahead to destroy next Thanksgiving. It shows you’ve got determination.
Good, quality destruction always requires planning.
Happy belated birthday!
And I love your cards.
Thanks and thanks!
Same as La La. I can hardly wait for your cards to come out for real. Funny as always.
I’m going to make at least $50 from this side business!
I will absolutely be buying your cards!
Omg – me too! Could you have predicted NaNoWriMo leading into a side business?? 🙂
NEVER EVER.
“For when you care to send something to mediocre to someone you can’t stand”
I would buy your cards, Jen. I’d use a bad check, but I’d still buy your cards.
You always know the right thing to say.
These are AWESOME!! I would so buy one or all of these! Great job…
I’ll definitely be posting when I make these for real.
I need a holiday card like no other…
‘Cause I’m a man with no sister or brother…
An “only child” limerick…
Will do me the big trick…
Until a well-written, all-purpose card that covers all forms of awkward family interaction during holidays, joyous celebrations, and all other odd ancillary social occasions is created and distributed under the catchy (and copyrighted) label, “Phonics by Tonic”.
There… that ought to do it.
(and my birthday is January 17th)
Does this mean I have to cut you in on the profits because I’m TOTALLY STEALING THAT NAME IDEA.
Oh, and I’ll remember your birthday this year. I know I really didn’t do anything huge or big or orchestrated for your last birthday.
Yeah, THAT birthday totally slipped by unnoticed.
I so need the Mother’s Day one. Happy belated birthday
Thanks lady! And who knows, you could be receiving EIGHT of these.
Eight?? There was a possibility of five, where did the other three come from?
I could have used that Thanksgiving card a few years ago. And every year since.
*puts arm around you* we need to celebrate thanksgiving together next year.
Alright, but I mean, did you read my post from yesterday? Consider it fair warning.
Happy Birthday after your actual birthday. Now let’s see the card you sent yourself.
OOOOOOH. I like this idea. I may have to craft one and post it on my facebook page.
Yes, yes!
They’re all hilarious, but the one for Madame Weebles is a gem indeed. May we all live that long. 🙂
I don’t need to live another day to have boobs that hit the floor. I just need to take off my bra.
I am telling you right now: You could sell these! Starting crafting up some and putting them on etsy or pinterest! Do it now, woman!! 🙂
I definitely will! Promise.
I have to tell you off, Jen. I am supposed to be on permanent sabbatical from WordPress because I was unkind to my husband’s ex in my previous blog and he banned me from blogging. He doesn’t know I am on WordPress again. This morning, I thought I would start my day off by looking at my stats (no, I am NOT obsessed with followers and views), and I saw this post. I tried to hold it back, but I snorted in bed. Twice. My husband asked me what I was laughing at. I lied to him, Jen. I told my husband that I wasn’t laughing, I was clearing my nostrils. I lied to my husband because your clever writing methods are too great not to laugh at. If I get divorced over WordPress, Jen, I am blaming you. (I also might subpoena you because you can tell the court that my witty writing pleases all the people who are blessed to be able to read it– all 4 of you. I might need character witnesses.)
I may be responsible for breaking up a marriage. Wow. I’m kinda digging this new responsibility and power. Is this the first step to becoming a villain in a movie? I think it is.
The boys won’t come to your milkshake because… Your. Milk. Is. Sour. (duhn, duhn, DUHN) You ARE a villain!
I’m weeping with laughter and gratitude. WEEPING.
You can thank me in person when I’m over changing your diaper.
Pure genious and kudos for making a girl choke on her coffee in the morning!
I hope you recovered! Wouldn’t want anyone dying here.
That first one. Oh my oh my. I saved that shit right there. I even shared it with a friend whose husband is living with another woman, but won’t admit it even though we know. He’s in the Navy and stationed across the country.
WOW! He is seriously doing that? Kudos to your friend for not going psycho pants on him. I hope the card helps.
Well, if I die tomorrow, I can honestly say I lived long enough to crap myself, cause I just did… So thanks loads < See what I did there?
I see what you did there, and I loved it.
I love the Christmas and Thanksgiving ones. So much fun. LOL
You and Noelle will be getting some in the mail 😉
Yay for seizing entrepreneurial opportunity!
MONEY!!!!!!!
I really don’t know why you aren’t at Hallmark. When you care to send the very shittiest, just ask Jen, I say. You could also take over the channel and make movies that were about mean hooker mothers who ruin Thanksgiving and get depressed at Christmas and burn down the houses of their husband’s ex’s. Wait – they already have that on Lifetime. Nevermind.
Hey, you should totally work for Lifetime.
I would love to produce those movies! My first film would be, “My daughter got pregnant with my gardener’s baby who also happens to be my lover…but wait! He’s bisexual and also sleeping with my husband”
That’s a working title.
Brilliant. TLC actually has a show called “My teen and I are pregnant!” Yay, world!
SHUTUP! Dear god…
Hmmm makes me want to write a poem…any suggestions? I can spurt filth and obcenities and make them rhyme…don’t you worry about that!
The holiday season! It’s coming up, and it looks like people really want to hear cuss words in the same line about their families.
Happy belated birthday! And tripping over tits has to be the greatest imagery ever created.
It’s a beautiful thing to be able to just kick your boob out of the way.
That Thanksgiving card…it’s like you were there! Spooky!
Maybe I was…outside…staring in your window.
Double spooky!
OMG,,,your so hiliarious!!
Happy Belated Birthday Gurl!
Thank you and thank you!