Party On

NaNoWriNO Day 28

Topic: Rocking a party until the early light

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I was a pretty big partier back in the day. I used to enjoy frequenting soirees so crowded that you couldn’t tell where  your body parts ended, and someone else’s began. Going to a bar and destroying my liver by consuming every alcohol the establishment stocked was a weekly habit for me. I’d stay up until the sun began poking its head out, take a power nap, and then go work a full day. (Fun Jen fact: I’ve never been hungover)

Every good partier knows that you need an arsenal of supplies to make it through the night. Some people choose to carry condoms because they’re looking to score. Others choose to keep snacks on hand to avoid the dreaded dip in blood sugar. I chose to carry a more colorful array of items.

Deodorant. I don’t know where I read this (most likely Ladies Home Journal or Highlights since those were the only two publications I was reading at the time) but a magazine claimed putting deodorant on your face would prevent perspiration. As a person who sweats simply at the thought of sweating, I was excited about this. I’d be able to dance without the fear of the strobe light hitting my face, and causing onlookers to wonder if I had just finished running a marathon. Not only did it not prevent me from sweating, but it broke me out, and people kept asking me why I smelled like an armpit.

Credit: Martin Spurny

Perfume. Exclamation, Jean Nate and Jovan Musk were my signature scents back in the day. Each one represented a different mood, and I’d spray them liberally before (and during) a night out. I’d walk confidently, sure I was leaving a trail of broken hearts behind me as I coolly passed every man in the room. What I didn’t realize was that the only trail I was leaving behind was the smell of what one could only assume was a prostitute from the 80’s.

Hand Sanitizer. Drunk people have no boundaries, and do things they wouldn’t do sober. You pee on the sidewalk of a very busy street in San Francisco. You vomit in a stranger’s boot. You hug and touch questionable people you barely know. It’s times like this that hand sanitizer is useful because the only thing you want to catch after a night of intense drinking is a case of The Regrets.

Me: The Earlier Years

Swiss Army knife. My favorite television shows include “48 Hours Mystery”, “American Justice” and “Unsolved Mysteries”. Not only am I hyper aware of the real danger lurking around on the mean streets of Anytown USA, but I’m also paranoid by nature. I always keep one hand in my pocket, firmly gripping the knife, and am ready to cut a bitch if needed. Granted, if the predator pulled out a gun, took the knife away from me, or doused me with pepper spray I’d be screwed, but the false sense of security is nice.

Oh, good. I can open the world’s smallest bottle of wine.

It’s no wonder I never get invited to parties anymore.

What do you carry for a night out?

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Thanks to my brother from another mother, MrMary from A Spoonful of Suga, for suggesting this topic.

NaNoWriNO Day 27

NaNoWriNO Day 28

Tags: a drunk girl vomited in my boot, being drunk, exclamation perfume, hand sanitizer, humor, jean nate, jovan musk, party rock until the early light, peeing in the street, pocket knife, swiss army knife