A lot has happened in the world of dating since I went off the market. I recently wrote about Yoke which is a social application that helps singles find dates through Facebook. Now I’ve stumbled on a site called HowAboutWe which allows people to post short blurbs of things they’d like to do on a date. Another user can see some basic information about you, the date you’d like to go on, and can can then send a message to arrange the outing.
As someone who not only has an undiagnosed case of Attention Deficit Disorder, but is also the laziest dater known to mankind, this appeals to my senses. I don’t want to answer philosophical questions about myself, or update my profile with information on the last great meal I ate. Hell, I barely want to brush my hair before taking a default picture. I just want to look at photos and decide who would be least likely to reject me if I tried to have sexy times with them.
When you login to the site you get a list of matches, and their meetup ideas.
Credit: The sexy portland singles on HowAboutWe.com
This is a language I speak. It’s immediate. It’s straight to the point. It’s fun. I needed to get in on the action! I set up a profile and posted these ideas:
So far, no takers. Romance is dead.
Sips of Jen and Tonic 
You’re leaving out the obvious mash-up “How about we…” Stovepipe hat, penis KARAOKE!!! Nothing growls First Date quite like little Honest Abe doing Steppenwolf covers of the Stephen Foster songbook.
Oh, and Abe drinks his Maker’s straight… with a Tonic chaser.
Abe + Steppenwolf + Makers sounds like a GOOD TIME to me. You always were a party animal, Friday.
(makes notes about Tonic chaser)
J&T
I think you would be the most popular girl on the site! I almost died of laughter when reading about “curling up next to the fire to read Courtney Stodden tweets”… I think all your ideas together could make the most terrifyingly awesome day ever recorded in the history of days!
“Terrifyingly awesome” should be my life’s tagline!!!
J&T
The toddler bit had me chuckling …
Because you know I’d probably do it 😉
J&T
That is so interesting. It’s just a very special way to find a mate. Also, I love how much fun things you wanna do together. Why don’t those lame guys just respond, huh? I mean, never again puke alone. It’s the cutest thing I’ve heard in my life. It’s good that you are off the market, Jen!
The men in the US don’t know what they’re missing!! I would stand by them and let them puke for days. That’s how loyal I am!!
J&T
Right. Vodka+Tonic. As always. I was meaning to say how fucking awesome you are, but that would just be stupid.
Flattery is NOT stupid, and is required of all participants on Team Tonic.
And yeah, Vodka + Tonic are the perfect combination!
I’ll get to the flattery part when I manage to figure out which account details I should use. Things were easier when I was allowed to drink at work.
I can’t f##king log into my new account, so that’s just brilliant. I probably look like some gay poser right now. We love groping you. With a drink in our other hand.
The fact that you knew that you had to have a drink in the other hand lets me know you’re not a poser 😉
J&T
Fantastic. Ever groped a gay man? 😉
Yes, although, they’re usually the ones groping me. It’s the gay way.
J&T
I happen to be bald, but I have always wanted someone to hold my hair back when I puke.
I’ll hold your pubic hair, Vinny
J&T
You’ve given me some excellent ideas for date night with Le Clown….
LOVE this. Quick question. Were you drinking a Maker’s and ginger ale while writing? Just curious.
I was. At work. It was 6 AM. You know how I roll, Stacie.
J&T
I will gladly let you steal these ideas to spice up your marriage. Except, I imagine you won’t do the Gettsburg Address thing…I’m sure there’s a kinky Parliament replacement.
J&T
NICE logo. Where did you get that little bit of magnificence? It’s very sexy.
The greatest French Canadian clown to have ever lived gave it to me. My life is complete.
Damn commentile dysfunction…I coulda had me a little, too…
Yep…I have to go with the general consensus and agree that the stovepipe hatted penis is awesome. But The Gettysburg address was delivered in only 200 and a bit words which doesn’t say much for the staying power of said penis- whereas, Fidel’s thrilling speech on “The Denouncement of Imperialism and Colonialism” is the longest speech given before the UN General Assembly, lasting almost 4 1/2 hours. There’s a lot to be said for communism.
Holy crap, that may be the funniest comment I’ve received on this blog yet. Women do like a man who can….give long speeches. Plus, communists are hot.
Hysterical as always, Paul 🙂
J&T
Are you kidding me? Who wouldn’t want to have sexy times with someone who arm wrestles toddler! You’re right. Times have changed.
As they say, partners are like parking spaces: the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.
J&T
What a great idea for a website. Also, I dunno if you’ve been following me around or not but most of my dates include challenging little kids to arm wrestling matches. 27-0 baby!
You are an arm wrestling champ! I really hope that you shout, “BOOYAH!” in their faces when you win.
J&T
Actually, I do it in the middle of the match. They get a little startled and then I finish them!
BOOYA!
Actually, I do it in the middle of the match. They get a little startled and then I finish them!
BOOYA!
Freakin’ hysterical! God, I love this!! We must get together someday soon – I have a feeling I will giggle the whole time – you crack me up!1
I will ROCK Florida someday soon. But I have to wait until the cooler months– we Oregonians melt when it’s above 70 😉
J&T
Hilarious. This, by the way, is a brilliant concept. If I were single, I would be addicted.
I know, right? Maybe you and your husband could join and just suggest dates to each other.
J&T
Good god, that would be hilarious. I giggle just thinking about what they would look like.
How about we… send the kid to her grandparents and paint the bedroom?
How about we… garden until our pasty skin can’t take another minute of sun?
How about we… talk all night? Or until 9:30. Whichever comes first.
Amazing! You should write your own “coupled version” of this 😉
iiittss haarddd to tyyppe thiss becussz i’mm still jigggglinggggg.
IIII’mmmm sttttilllll jjjiiigggglllinnnngggg!
J&T
Iiiiiiiiiiiiii’ve beeeeeeeeeen jigggggglllllllinnnnnnng alllllllllllll niiiiiiiighhhhht annnnd cooooould ooooonlllly tyyyyyypppppeeee thiiiiiiis coooooommmmmmennnnnt thiiiiiis mooooorrrrniiing…oh, good, it finally stopped….now I have to go make a hat….
Je vais reblogger ton billet, ma chum…
Le Clown
I’m sure that stands for “You’re so brilliant! How will I ever compare?” in French.
J&T
Courtney Stodden… Hilarious!
I’m glad you find it funny! What are you doing later? I’ve got this fire going, and her twitter page up…
J&T
So, you’re officially off the market? 😦
The CDC made me promise not infect the general population with my Tonicness. They pulled me from the shelves.
J&T
No takers? I was pretty sure the penis thing would woo over at least a few. Then again , being covered in a stovepipe hat kind of defeats the purpose I guess.
Apparently men don’t like you to put a hat on their penis, and make it talk into a microphone.
J&T
Omg, hilarious. I read this on my phone and didn’t see the pix at first. My god, they are funny. I think the Lincoln hat date is my fave. Lol. Xo
When I go down to LA we’ll have to meet up and do some of the things from the list. Maybe arm wrestle some gaybies?
J&T
you are so on. xo, sm
I’ve always wanted to try that Ode to Abe, I’m just really bad with crafts apart from macaroni art….Lill
With the size of some men’s junk, all you’d need is a piece of macaroni.
J&T
Hahahaha – penis with tiny stovepipe hat…ahahaha…could have given one to the guy I saw on the subway today 🙂
You should have! Nothing says “average Thursday” like putting a tiny hat on a stranger’s penis!
J&T
I am SO THERE!! How much FUN!! I’ll let you know what I come up with… but I LOVE our ideas and if no body had jumped on that yet then it’s THEIR LOSS … I’d pick you..just sayin
YOUR ideas…y the y didn;t want to appear..sheesh
Lizzie, it’s good to know that if one of us had a penis we could fulfill everything on this list.
J&T
it is rather comforting isn’t it?
Great effort. I’m sure you’ll get some…interesting hits.
You know, if you had the stovepipe hat and I wasn’t happily married…
If that whole marriage thing doesn’t work out, call me. I’m hosting a “four score and seven years ago” party this weekend.
J&T
