A Birthday On Fire

27 Jan

There is a woman here on WordPress, you may have heard of her, The Ringmistress. She is married to a guy you may also have heard of, Le Clown. Together they form an incredibly sexy and disgustingly romantic couple. They make me puke in a way only Canadians in love can.

Today is Le Clown’s birthday, and The Ringmistress thought it would be fun if she sent him on a blog scavenger hunt. You know, because nothing says love like making someone work for their birthday gift. She asked his best bloggy friends to put up posts providing clues which would help him navigate the hunt. She gave me my assignment, cracked her whip, and I started brainstorming.

My first thought was to dress up like a clown. He’s a clown, I like makeup, and my nose is already red from all of this drinking. It just makes sense to commemorate his birthday in this way.

Dressing up like a clown is a totally normal way to spend a Friday night

Dressing up like a clown is a totally normal way to spend a Friday night

I look good, don’t I? A little too good. My eye diamonds, my blushing cheeks, my jazz hands. You can’t upstage someone on their birthday! Back to the drawing board.

I decided I’d enlisted the help of one of my dearest friends in the word, Sylvester Stallone. I met him a few years ago through Brigitte Nielsen. She and I met in a hand-to-hand combat class, and bonded over our love of all things Flavor Flav. I asked Sylvie (that’s my pet name for him) if he could send over a picture wishing Le Clown a happy birthday.

He's bad at birthday wishes, but great at giving clues

He’s bad at birthday wishes, but great at giving clues

Numb nuts.

Okay, so my “special celebrity guest” idea was a bust. No sweat, my pet. Perhaps I needed to pare it down a bit, not be so flashy. How about paying him sincere compliments? Like Herpes, compliments are the gift that keep on giving.

Le Clown, you are:

  • Terrific
  • Talented
  • Trustworthy
  • Tremendous
  • Tittilating
  • Thankful
  • Thoughtful
  • Tall
  • T-rexish

As you can see, I ran out of steam towards the end. Come on Tonic, get your head in the game. Then it hit me! I wasn’t appealing to his senses. What better way to honor a man with an ego the size of Texas (have they seceded already?) than by building him a shrine?

Oh yeah, I said it. A motherfucking shrine.

This labor of love sponsored by Maker's Mark and Doritos.

This labor of love sponsored by Maker’s Mark and Doritos

Happy birthday, Le Clown! You’re a fantastic blogger, and an even better person. You deserve all of the fanfare you receive today, and then some.

Off to your next adventure…

63 Responses to “A Birthday On Fire”

  1. Viciously Sweet 01/30/2013 at 10:30 am #

    Your shrine made me Le Giggle!

  2. Ashley Austrew 01/29/2013 at 9:27 am #

    That Le Shrine is Le Awesome.

    Happy belated le birthday, Le Clown!!

  3. becca3416 01/28/2013 at 1:18 pm #

    Thanks, I AM a sexy beast. Oh yeah, Le Clown and his birthday. You went above and beyond, unlike me who just stole pictures from Google images.

    • Jen and Tonic 02/13/2013 at 1:14 pm #

      Stealing images from Google Search is ALWAYS acceptable, especially when setting up a dating profile.

  4. The Hook 01/28/2013 at 10:47 am #

    You make a sexy, crazy, dangerous clown, young lady!

    • Jen and Tonic 02/13/2013 at 1:13 pm #

      You can safely say that, sitting behind your computer screen. You’d scream if you saw me walking towards you on the street.

  5. writerwendyreid 01/27/2013 at 4:32 pm #

    Does this make you a shriner now:? Can I get a hat?

    • Jen and Tonic 02/13/2013 at 1:13 pm #

      I am a little bit of everything, didn’t you know?

  6. stephrogers 01/27/2013 at 3:31 pm #

    That shrine is all kinds of creepy fantasticness!

  7. Bill Friday 01/27/2013 at 2:24 pm #

    Saint putain (TABARNAK) de merde!

    Okay Shrinebuilder Jen©, you outdid yourself this time. In fact, I am going out on a limb to say that you give the best birthdays, no matter WHAT the theme happens to be. As we say in the language of my people (Google Translate®), “Joyeux Anniversaire Le Clown™”!!!

    • Jen and Tonic 02/13/2013 at 1:12 pm #

      I’ve been known to coordinate some pretty sweet birthday surprises.

  8. calahan 01/27/2013 at 10:37 am #

    Le Shrine should be a national le monument.

    • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:26 am #

      Yes it should! I think we can safely assume it will replace Mount Rushmore.

      • calahan 01/27/2013 at 11:27 am #

        If nothing else, there’s obviously room to add a fifth head there.

        • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:33 am #

          These are the moments when I wish I knew Photoshop better.

          • calahan 01/27/2013 at 12:34 pm #

            Give it time. Photoshop doesn’t open up to everyone right off the bat, but it’ll let you get to know it, eventually.

  9. El Guapo 01/27/2013 at 8:55 am #

    I only hope you and LC get a good payoff from Makers Mark and Doritos. (Seriously,this will probably be their most profitable weekend EVER!)

    Happy birthday, LC/E, and this is a great tribute Jen!

    • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:27 am #

      Our check is in the mail. And yes, anytime you put Clown’s face on something, it turns to gold. He’s the King Midas of our generation.

  10. daniheart21 01/27/2013 at 8:51 am #

    Love the clown make-up. Fun post Jen. Happy Birthday to Le Clown. 🙂

    • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:28 am #

      It was fun to be a clown, but taking off the makeup took forever. That’s probably because I didn’t use real clown makeup and used lipstick and eyeshadow.

  11. Adam S 01/27/2013 at 8:49 am #

    Jen, is the special edition Wheaties box available here in the states, too? Is there a toy inside the box?

    • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:30 am #

      Wheaties decided that Le Clown will be their forever mascot. You can’t top that. And the prize is the joy of seeing his face each morning.

  12. iRuniBreathe 01/27/2013 at 8:48 am #

    You are the bomb! This was so holy. That shrine will burn forever, or never burn away. You did not disappoint (as though anything you do could be disappointing).

    • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:32 am #

      The shrine is indestructible, and the flame burns so brightly it lights up 10 cities.

  13. michellestodden 01/27/2013 at 7:47 am #

    Nice shrine. I’m impressed.

    • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:30 am #

      That’s elbow grease and willpower right there.

  14. speaker7 01/27/2013 at 7:40 am #

    I am envious of your shrine-building and make-up applying skills.

    • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:25 am #

      I scared the crap out of my roommate by not saying that was dressing up as a clown, and then walking out into his room like it was no big deal.

      That shrine is a testament to how much time I have on my hands.

  15. Madame Weebles 01/27/2013 at 7:06 am #

    I have to tell you, Jen, you look smokin’ in that clown makeup. Also, I hope that’s an eternal flame burning at the shrine.

  16. Le Clown 01/27/2013 at 6:32 am #

    One word can resume this post, it’s French… scratch that, it’s Québécois:
    TABARNAK! Fucking tabarnak que c’est bon!!!! Merci Jen. You in a clown costume is as good as a poutine from La Banquise….
    Le Clown

    • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:23 am #

      TABARNAK?! That’s the Quebecian way of saying, “Not only are you powerful, sexy, smart and funny, but you’re the greatest writer on the planet.”

      Happy birthday!

  17. tracy fulks 01/27/2013 at 6:08 am #

    that shrine is the fucking bomb. i had a very hard time figuring out the letter, why did you make it so hard?

    • saradraws 01/27/2013 at 6:24 am #

      Jen is super duper smart like that.

      • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:20 am #

        That was written on my report card every year in school. “She is super duper smart. Just kidding! She sucks.”

    • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:20 am #

      This blog is educational, and I want people’s brains to work when they read my work.

      Who am I kidding? HANDJOBS!

  18. saradraws 01/27/2013 at 5:50 am #

    This is AMAZING.

    • saradraws 01/27/2013 at 6:25 am #

      Eric just guffawed in the other room. Mission accomplished.

      • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:19 am #

        A guffaw is the highest honor in the Le Clown Kingdom, no doubt.

    • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:18 am #

      You ask, you shall receive

      • saradraws 01/28/2013 at 6:49 am #

        Is that a football reference? Did I make a basket?

        • Jen and Tonic 01/28/2013 at 9:23 am #

          It’s a Jesus reference. I know in your house you only worship Le Clown. I apologize.

  19. TJLubrano 01/27/2013 at 5:42 am #

    Oh my gosh! I love the mime look (though I do wonder how long it took to wash it all off…hehe) and Le Shrine…truly, truly amazing. I should say Magnificent™ to honor Eric today!!

    Looove this!

    • TJLubrano 01/27/2013 at 5:43 am #

      OMG! I meant the clown look…the hands triggered the mime in me…my apologies *head desk*

    • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:17 am #

      Mimes are just clowns that don’t talk. Or squirt water from a flower pin. Or drive tiny cars. Okay, they’re nothing alike.

      Oh, and to answer your question, it wasn’t easy getting that makeup off. I had to get olive oil and power tools involved.

      • Bill Friday 01/27/2013 at 1:37 pm #

        Olive oil and power tools?

        *thinks too long*

        Um… nice makeup!

  20. Nicole Marie 01/27/2013 at 5:42 am #

    Awesome tribute! You DO look a little too good as a clown. Happy Birthday to Le Clown!!

    • Jen and Tonic 01/27/2013 at 11:16 am #

      I’ve got a naturally huge mouth which lends itself to the clown trade.

  21. H.E. ELLIS 01/27/2013 at 5:39 am #

    I am making the birthday rounds here, so Happy Birthday LeClown!

  22. twindaddy 01/27/2013 at 5:37 am #

    I heart Le Shrine. Great job, Jen!


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