Gender Bending

NaNoWriNO Day 7

Topic: All women are a bit lesbian

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I must admit, I was a bit surprised by how many of you requested that I write about this topic. I threw it out as a joke, and didn’t think anyone would actually want to read about it. Little did I know that my audience was largely made up of lesbians, and people who appreciate them.

Great. A claim I hadn’t given real consideration to is now a claim I have to prove.

I initially wrote a couple of paragraphs about bisexuality in Bonobo monkeys. Then I wrote a paragraph about the feminist movement, and how it has impacted female sexuality. Then I wrote about that scene in “Wild Things” when Neve Campbell and Denise Richards kissed in the pool. The post sounded like the weird ramblings of an undersexed teenage boy.

In these types of situations, you need to ask yourself what Jack McCoy would do. He would build a case around the evidence, and let it speak for itself. I present to you:

Exhibit A

We are always checking each other out. “Your boobs look great in that shirt!” “I would kill to have a body like hers.” “She has such a great butt, it’s so unfair.” You will never hear a guy say, “Man, I wish I had testicles like that guy.”

Exhibit B

A song about two women making out was #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart for seven consecutive weeks, and has sold nearly 4.2 million digital copies to date. As soon as “I Kissed A Girl” comes on in a bar/club/Olive Garden, groups of girls lose their damn minds. They will descend upon the dance floor, and sing this to each other while dancing provocatively.

“This single made millions of dollars because it’s a good song” said no one ever.

Exhibit C

Women love to travel to the bathroom in groups. I find it curious that, in a room where we get naked from the waist down, we feel more comfortable when other ladies are in there with us.

Exhibit D

We are always complimenting each other in ways that border on flirting. A related story: I used to troll my female friends’ Facebook pictures, looking for ones with a bajillion comments to the effect of, “You’re sooooooo pretty!” Then I’d wait until it died down, and I’d write, “Why don’t you all just get a room?”

Exhibit E

We are constantly hugging and kissing each other. Women always greet each other like one of them has been locked up in the penitentiary for years, and this is their first time seeing each other since the release. Lots of hugging, and often times there’s also a kiss on the cheek. If it’s a really good friend they slip you the tongue. When drinking is involved, forget it. You’ll find women sitting on each other’s laps, whispering in each other’s ears, and holding hands.

Exhibit F

We have pillow fights in our bras and underwear. Yes gentleman, this really happens.

This pillow fight sponsored by Hugh Hefner’s saggy balls

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen of the WordPress jury. Please take your time when examining the above evidence and determining whether or not I’ve proven my case beyond a shadow of a doubt. I respectfully request that you charge all women with a single count of being slightly lesbian in the first degree.

Court is now adjourned.

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Thanks to the following bloggers for encouraging me to write about this topic:

• Ruminations on Love and Lunchmeat
• Castleheart Times
• Turning Inside Out
• John the Aussie
• Sweet Mother

NaNoWriNO Day 6 post

NaNoWriNO Day 8 post

Tags: all women are a little bit lesbian, bonobo monkeys are bisexual, gender bending, girls always complimenting each other, girls always hugging, I kissed a girl and I liked it