81 Responses to “Mating Call: Women”

  1. John the Aussie 11/06/2012 at 3:16 am #

    ” while you were saving turtles in Australia” wait… you should’ve seen what she (more to the point, what I) was getting up to ‘Down Under’

  2. speaker7 11/05/2012 at 4:57 pm #

    I swear we would have the best first date ever. It would be pajama jeans 24/7 and the watching of Lifetime Original Movies while inebriated.

  3. writerwendyreid 11/05/2012 at 4:16 pm #

    “Let me see the check so I can give you what I owe for my portion. It’s the least I can do considering you won’t be touching me tonight.” hehehe priceless Jen. 🙂

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:45 am #

      Who am I kidding? I let them play with my sweater puppies!

  4. rollergiraffe 11/05/2012 at 2:59 pm #

    I hear wedding bells for all tha single ladies in tha house!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:44 am #

      2013 and 2014 are going to be busy years for me. What, with going to all the weddings.

      • rollergiraffe 11/06/2012 at 7:29 am #

        You should go ahead and get ordained; there’s going to be a lot of requests.

  5. Bill Friday 11/05/2012 at 1:57 pm #

    As an intro to my comments, let me remind everyone (over the age of Disney Channel) that Vanessa Hudgens sent Drake Bell those naked cell phone pictures FOR A REASON!!!

    The rest of my train (wreck) of thought goes like this.

    (1) Always keep your Ex in the rear view mirror… and your car in drive.

    (2) As a man with the olfactory acuity of a Superhero, let me say that any scent on a woman (up to AND including boob sweat and beer) that is NOT HER OWN, is trying to hide something. Or as I have been known to chant before a close encounter of the “I’ll have what she’s having” kind…

    “See the pheromone, BE THE PHEROMONE!!!”

    (3) If I had known the “Checkmate Stratagem” was in play, I would have suggested Filet Mignon over Nachos Bell Grande every time.

    (4) My full and manly beard acts as a shield against any and all first date, female razor neglect. I’m willing to admit it… just sayin.

    (5) Closing thought on SCENTS. Is it just me, or is “new baby smell” kind of an aphrodisiac?

    I hope that, some time in the future, you have the other barrel of this dating shotgun pointed squarely at the other half of the population. Because guys… we have it coming.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:44 am #

      (1) An active restraining order prevents me from talking about my ex

      (2) Can’t speak for other women, but I use perfume to hide my desperation and loneliness.

      (3) A man who springs for the Nachos Bell Grande is a man after my heart

      (4) So you’re saying you’re the kind of guy who sleeps with girls on the first date?

      (5) I will sniff a stranger’s baby when they aren’t looking just to get that high

  6. calahan 11/05/2012 at 1:19 pm #

    A reason not to slip anything into the girl’s drink on the first date is because she may not have shaved her legs. Got it.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:39 am #

      This article is teaching things I didn’t even intend it to.

      • calahan 11/06/2012 at 8:11 am #

        You’re not only doing a favor to women, but to the skeezy guys who circle them like sharks.

  7. SocietyRed 11/05/2012 at 1:18 pm #

    So damn funny! The perfume thing is the worst. So glad I’m not in that arena…

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:38 am #

      I love perfume and scented lotions, but even I have a limit. A little goes a long way.

  8. GiggsMcGill Jill 11/05/2012 at 1:10 pm #

    “It’s the least I can do considering you won’t be touching me tonight.” – HAHAHA so. true.

  9. Lyssapants 11/05/2012 at 1:02 pm #

    Honestly, I think the smell of us humans in our natural state is highly underrated.
    Plus, perfume mucks up the pheromone party we could be having!

  10. benzeknees 11/05/2012 at 12:43 pm #

    Okaaaaaaay! I’m not sure how to take this – thank goodness I’m married!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:35 am #

      I obviously take this very seriously, and know what I’m doing. You should take this as the best dating advice to have ever been written.

  11. badfads 11/05/2012 at 11:50 am #

    I have mixed sentiments on the check thing. I had friends who would quite literally both pounce on the check the second it came. I was waitressing when they came in for a date once, and I dropped it in the middle of the table and RAN, since I knew they would probably end up fighting over it.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:31 am #

      You must have looked like a referee in a hockey game. Drop it, and skate away as fast as you can.

  12. Love and Lunchmeat 11/05/2012 at 10:55 am #

    I’m already married, but just out of curiosity… If my husband dies, and I move to France, do I still have to shave my legs? Because unfortunately it always seems to grow back…

    Oh yeah, and if I were a guy (or expected to make the first move), I would have been been single until death. I’m that inept.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:30 am #

      I think you can get away with it in France. Maybe Canada. In Oregon people tend to get lenient in the winter when you need that extra layer keeping you warm.

  13. Storkhunter 11/05/2012 at 10:15 am #

    Marriage has so many advantages – I can wear sweats, not shave my legs and let him pay the bills. I’m with you on the “eau de wife,” thing though. If I feel like I can’t stand next to myself nobody should have to either.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:26 am #

      It’s just awkward when someone thinks you’re Celine Dion or Jennifer Lopez or Heidi Klum, and then realize you’re just an imposter wearing their perfumes.

  14. incognitomusicmagazine 11/05/2012 at 8:56 am #

    I agree with you on the beer scent. Bacon and whiskey are also acceptable.

  15. Dani Heart 11/05/2012 at 8:37 am #

    Very fun dating advice. I like the checkmate part a lot. I have always found it interesting that as a society that we are conditioned to feel that as women we are not beautiful unless we are nearly hairless. Many other cultures are not afflicted, but hey..Gillette and Schich are getting rich rich rich. LOL

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:23 am #

      So you’re saying you let your leg hair grow out to insane proportions? Sounds like we have a lot in common.

      • Dani Heart 11/06/2012 at 9:08 am #

        LOL omg…well I wasn’t exactly going to say that…but since you did..well…yes…I don’t feel that I need to shave my legs and luckily..Noelle could care less. I do shave sometimes but only when I feel like it. I must confess I cannot deal with female pit hair… I know European women grow it long…and that is more a personal preference for me than conditioning, but I just cannot stand the sight of even the stubble. euwww. I think it’s because my skin is so fair and it just looks wrong to me. LOL But leg hair is fine. 🙂

        • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 1:22 pm #

          Hairy on the bottom, hairless on the top. Got it!

  16. La La 11/05/2012 at 8:36 am #

    So, wear a lot of perfume, wear leather vest, talk about my ex a lot, vajazzle, and expect him to pay the bill. Got it. Thanks, Jen, I’ll be married in no time!

  17. aliceatwonderland 11/05/2012 at 7:58 am #

    Big Bird dominatrix would be a good band name too. What would we do without Cosmo to to tell us how to be women? Also those quizzes have really helped me with dating, which can be complicated when you’re technically married to someone else.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:21 am #

      Cosmo quizzes have taught me I may be too shy with men, I may not be assertive enough at work, and I may not be eating enough protein. It’s all very concrete and scientific.

      • aliceatwonderland 11/06/2012 at 4:20 am #

        Just like horoscopes! They probably have those too. I haven’t looked at one in too long. My education is suffering!

  18. Stacie Chadwick 11/05/2012 at 7:42 am #

    I’m all about leaving something to the imagination. =)

  19. Kelly 11/05/2012 at 7:35 am #

    Boob sweat OR beer? I am loving the idea of a two for one, boob sweat and beer? Mmmm….

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:19 am #

      He’ll be reminded of those Budweiser commercials where women are pouring beer while prancing around in bikinis. You’ve got a knack for this dating thing, I can tell.

  20. MissFourEyes 11/05/2012 at 7:12 am #

    You never know, if you’re lucky he might have a secret Sasquatch fantasy

    • aliceatwonderland 11/05/2012 at 7:55 am #

      Which might prove a problem later on . . .

      • GiggsMcGill Jill 11/05/2012 at 1:09 pm #

        Problem?? But you get to be as hairy as you want! Even AFTER Movember!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:19 am #

      I hope he does, and I hope I find him. He’ll love running his fingers through my chest hair.

  21. The Waiting 11/05/2012 at 6:47 am #

    Vanessa Hudgens’ stylist needs to be fired.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:17 am #

      Someone got paid a lot of money to make her look that badly.

  22. A Single Parent's Life 11/05/2012 at 6:41 am #

    Last year I was out looking for a new pair of boots my 6 year old tried to get my to get thigh high boots like that. He kept telling me how cool they were and how I would look pretty in them.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:17 am #

      Wow, really? Maybe not all men hate those boots. These younger generations are more adventurous.

      Curious, did you ever end up buying them?

  23. Christopher De Voss 11/05/2012 at 6:40 am #

    Does Bigfoot vajazzle?

    • La La 11/05/2012 at 8:33 am #

      Yes. I wrote a post about it, remember?

      • Christopher De Voss 11/05/2012 at 9:18 am #

        I remember. It’s why I had to return your birthday present for something different.

      • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:22 am #

        I was wondering when someone was going to tackle the issue of Bigfeet (Bigfoots?) who vajazzle. NEEDS MET!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:16 am #

      He does. I think it’s called Bijazzling.

  24. El Guapo 11/05/2012 at 6:24 am #

    Those turtles needed to be saved, dammit.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/06/2012 at 12:15 am #

      If only they could have returned the favor by saving her from the heartbreak.


  1. Open Letter: Female GOP Supporters « Sips of Jen and Tonic - 11/06/2012

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