Some of you may not know this, but I am married to a much younger woman. In a very official Facebook ceremony, I got hitched to the always lovely TJ Lubrano. We had a beautiful e-ceremony near a pond filled with afro ducks, and the guests feasted on Appelflappen and cupcakes all night long. We twirled in circles, the guests UNTZed on the dance floor, and lots of glitter was tossed about. It was like an acid trip, but without all of the nasty side effects and eventual rehab stint.
Alas, I’ve been a terrible wife to her. I have not once done the dishes, and I constantly leave the toilet seat up. I’ve totally let myself go, and haven’t worn a pair of pants with a zipper and button since we walked down the aisle. I spend hours wrapped up in Pinterest, and I force her to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta with me. Worst of all, I never took my darling bride on a honeymoon!
I needed to redeem myself because, seriously, how can you just skip over the honeymoon like that? I needed to plan something spectacular, a trip for the ages. So I flipped through numerous (okay, two) travel brochures, and decided I should take her to Disneyland! She screamed so loudly when I told her that I now have permanent hearing damage in my left ear.
She took a Percocet prior to taking off, and slept like a little angel the whole way. She woke up refreshed and ready to go:
Being from The Netherlands, she didn’t understand that the carousel was for baggage and not for people. She took a few spins before TSA officials threatened to throw her in airplane jail:
Once we got to the park, we made a mad dash to the castle so she could live out her Disney princess fantasy. Now she says I’ve got to buy her “something with a tower”…GREAT:
The first ride we went on was “It’s a Small World” and she loved it! I wanted to shoot myself, but you have to make sacrifices for the ones you love:
She attempted to pull the sword from the stone, but she choked. All the strollers watching her made her nervous:
Even though it was a hot day, she made us climb up Tarzan’s Tree House. I almost died of heat stroke, but it was all worth it when I saw the smile on her face:
We headed over to Disney California Adventure Park, and she forced me to go on the Monsters Inc. ride with her. I think we were the only people over the age of 5 on it:
We played some carnival games, and because I have an arm an MLB pitcher would envy, I won her a Dumbo stuffed animal:
We visited Fantasyland, and she was running around begging me to take pictures of her with every statue we came across! I found out later she had been drinking Jungle Juice she snuck into the park:
It was obvious I needed to get her out of there so we went back to the hotel, and I put her in some water wings and let her swim herself sober:
As we walked back to our room, we noticed people with gaming t-shirts on. Upon further investigation, we found out that there was a Major League Gaming tournament going on in the convention center next door. TJ is a huge League of Legends fan, and got to meet a famous gamer girl called Nikasaur:
On our last night there, we decided to head on over to Downtown Disney so that we could check out all of the shops. 17 souvenirs and $800 dollars later, we had t-shirts, postcards and enough magnets to fill up 5 fridges. Unfortunately, on the way out, their SUPER AWESOME security team tried to confiscate my bride because she supposedly posed a security threat to the park. The only thing being threatened at Disneyland are the visitors’ credit card limits:
I had a great time, and I hope you all enjoyed getting a peek inside our romantic, drunken, expensive Honeymoon. If you want to learn more about the woman who captured my heart, please visit her on all corners of the web:
I love you TJ!!!!!!!!!
Do you want to be a Team Tonic Troublemaker? E-mail me at SipsofJenandTonic@gmail.com along with a picture. Not interested in being a Troublemaker? You can still have sexy party times with me on Twitter or Facebook.
Until next time…
Sips of Jen and Tonic 
Did I tell you you are hilarious Miss Jen Lubrano?
Oh and looky, I’m on Fartbook too *wink wink*
http://www.facebook.com/melancholicallymanic
You did 😉 And I LOVE that you called me Miss Lubrano!!
Just fanned your page!
Merci Miss Lubrano 😉
And you look hella cute in those glasses. Tell TJ Lubrano not to get jealous. I’m just speaking honest here, nothing more.
Thank you PAZ! I’m lucky my wifey isn’t jealous so no worries there 😉
This post still makes me SO happy!!!! ^_^ and the comments are too funny to read back as well haha!! *waves*
Do you know that I get 40-50 (last week I got 101!) hits a day JUST for this post? The power of TJ Lubrano!
No way! For real? That’s a LOT! I can’t take the credit for this alone…it’s the Power of TeeJonica!! 🙂
People can’t get enough of us!!!!!!
Hmmm…we should get bodyguards or something.
Now I feel like we should hire Kevin Costner and act out scenes from “The Bodyguard”
Oeh la laaa, this is going to be interesting! Haha ^_^
This is SO sweet and SO funny and SO lovely, Jen! I think your Facebook marriage to TJ is off to a fine, fine start!
Thanks lady! I think we’ve got a long and happy life together ahead of us.
: ) I agree! You both are quite a Facebook match for each other!
A match made in FB heaven. Zuckerberg would be proud!
*snortlaugh!* May like buttons festoon every moment of your first newlywed year!
Loved it! I see someone is going to send you her 1970s pic. If old shots are allowed, can I send you one from the 50s? In my hula outfit? Huh Huh? Huh?
You can send me any picture you want. Nudes are preferred….you know, for my personal collection.
Sorry, the pic I’m thinking of is when I was about in the third grade, possibly younger. Not that it would matter…even into my 40s I was wearing a bra size 32 nearly A. I kid you not.
Okay so I over-rode my virus software and here I am. whew…that was a little scary…lol These are very fun. I knew I just had to read the one about TJ and I wasn’t disappointed. You rock Jen!
Woohoo! You gotta loooooove Jen!! 🙂
yes..TJ Jen is awesome. 🙂
You went against your virus software’s recommendation?! You live on the edge Dani!! I like that 😀
I’m glad it was worth the security risk 😉
That was hilarious! And the first line really caught me… Loved every moment you had in that honeymoon 😛
Melissaaa!! So glad you visited Jen’s site and I loved every bit of the honeymoon as well ^_^
Thanks for stopping by and commenting Melissa! Glad you enjoyed our honeymoon as much as we did 😀
She’s so photogenic. You’re a lucky woman
You are so kind! Thank goodness you haven;t seen the other pictures of that day…*bows for the Queen*
My My Jen, first you write about how you fell in love with Facebook. And now you went on a honeymoon with troublemaker TJ from the Netherlands. I am shocked. 😛
It looks like TJ had a great time though! She’s lucky to be married to you! Yup!
Like you said Ruthie…better than winning the lottery 🙂 I had the BEST.TIME.EVER!!
I’m such a player!
My Lovely Darling Jen! How can you call yourself a terrible wife? I couldn’t ask for a better honeymoon 😀 I’m still over the moon and seeing stars. The jungle juice might have something to do with this though. Not so sure. *sips a drink*
Goodness. I don’t even know where to start. I had such a FUNTASTIC time. I mean, the rides, the statues, Dumbo stuffed animal, Nikasaur (how awesome was that?!)…no words here.
Hey, hey I can’t recall the cute swimmer! NOT that I’d trade you for him…but well…just saying he is cute. You know, well…*ahem*…right. I’m glad you took your meds after the Tree House climb….but come on…have you seen Tarzan’s pose? It was worth the climb right? I am so proud that you didn’t kill someone after “It’s a Small World” ride either. The fact you did it for me means the world to…well me. I should sing a Disney tune for you *sings a Disney tune*
Who would have thought that real trouble would hide in a family theme park huh? I still find it quite rude that the security wanted to take me away. They were thinking that I was a serious threat…thank god they will never see how serious of a threat I really can be. Separating me from you? Who do they think they are huh? Bastards.
I could go on and on, but it all comes down to this: YOU, my lady, are one in a million. I will always adooooooore you!!!! XOXO ❤
I’m so glad you liked our honeymoon!! 🙂
The cute swimmer was my nephew. I’m not surprised you didn’t remember him considering how Jungle Juiced up you were 😉 He had a great time with you though!
And yeah, I refrained from killing someone because murder just isn’t romantic, know what I’m saying?
Seriously, Disneyland was SO RUDE thinking you were a threat to the park. I had to beg them to let me keep you (I also slipped the security guard $50) but they let us finish out our honeymoon. PHEW!
I am so so so so so so happy you loved this! I wanted to really go over the top on this one. XOXOXO ❤
I’m so jealous! Any interest in being a polygamist? I’ll do anything to go to Disneyland. 🙂 Seriously, what a fun post. I hope you (and TJ, of course) had a great time. It sure looks like you did!
Ohhhh mixing a touch of outer-space in the marriage? I do like the sound of that!
Variety IS the spice of life 😉
TJ, you and Disneyland. I couldn’t imagine a better combination. 🙂 Glad you all had a fantastic time on your honeymoon. Can’t wait to see your next adventures together 😉
Weeeee!! I’m still high on Jungle Juice, but I had such a great time!! 🙂
I can’t wait to spend the next 50 years causing trouble with her!
Great sip! Sounding off in gales of laughter, thanks for the fun 🙂
You are always welcome!
🙂
Awesome post and I think I may super impose my kid’s photo’s on your vaca pics,,,and tell them they’ve allready been to Disney!!
Please feel free! I’ll also send a picture of me passed out in the middle of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride so you can show your kids the danger of drinking.
i friggin’ love these. you are going to have to schedule more vacations. i’d like to go to bermuda…or at least have my picture do so…i’m going to send you my headshot from 1976 right now…
SM!!! I got your e-mail but have been too busy to respond! I have one person in front of you right now, but am already brainstorming ideas. We are going to have SO MUCH FUN. xoxo!
yyyyyyaaaaaaaaayyyyy! i am ready to travel with you whenever you are ready! there is no rush and i look forward to it. weeeeeeeeeeee! xo, sm
You know Nika Harper…?
http://www.facebook.com/OfficialNikasaur
(but I digress)
Anyway, never have I been more proud of you and TJ as I was the day I walked the two of you down the cyber-aisle, until today *sniffle… tear*. TJ and The Tonic (or “TeeJonica” for your Hollywood Power Couple name) will now and forever be my favorite pair of Troublemakers. Unless you can somehow score a weekend in Astoria with the last surviving Corey at the Goonies House.
Yeah, yeah, dare to dream.
Oh, and I have me a great Jungle Juice recipe that involves cheap Bourbon and Extra-Pulp orange juice (from concentrate), in case TeeJonica wants to have their second honeymoon closer to the foggy, friendly shores of Redondo Beach. How’s August for the happy couple?
We couldn’t ask for someone better to walk us down the cyber-aisle. It was such a fabulous day. And you know, I loooove TeeJonica!! ^_^ I need to talk Jen into getting those stick on tattoos now…
YES! We’ll get matching temporary tattoos so all the world can see our love.
TeeJonica just rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it? Who better prepared to give us a celebrity couple name than the man who walked both of his girls down the aisle? What a beautiful day that was *tear*
Um, you NEED to make that Jungle Juice recipe for me someday. Imagine all the trouble we’ll cause!
My most favorite place to go on earth – other than any surf spot on the Pacific coast of So Cal. 🙂
You know, I remember really disliking it the previous times I had been, but I toooootally enjoyed myself this time. I finally saw the magic of Disney!
This is such a cool idea, Jen. Did you take the picture onto Tom Sawyer’s/Pirate’s Lair Island?
Pirates? Did someone say pirates? I do like pirates! *starts singing Yo ho Yo hooooo…*
*sings* YO HO HO and a bottle of rum!
No! It was closed off during the hours we were at the park. SADSIES.
Couldn’t stop laughing the whole time I read this. Sounds like a “Honeymoon” for the ages!!
It definitely was! It helped keep our marriage intact 😀
Jen,
Oh. Sweetie. You made me laugh. Hard. TJ and the swimmer? Priceless. You are one of a kind.
Le Clown
I seriously love that picture…though I can’t recall it at all. Jungle juice interference I think. TWP is a cutie too!! 🙂
My nephew kept asking me why you were talking nonsense and swimming in circles. I just told him you needed a nap.
Glad I could give you a chuckle Le Clown. And yes, I am one of a kind….the world couldn’t handle two Jens.
Or can they?? Mwahahahaa.
OOOOOOH. That’s true!!!
The gauntlet just got thrown down.