Tag Archives: Yeah Write

5 Stages of a Juice Cleanse

18 Nov

I know it’s hard to believe, but there was a time in my life when I cared about what I looked like. I wore nice clothes, carefully painted my face with makeup, and even managed to brush my hair daily. Obviously those days are long gone.

There was also a time when I did juice cleanses because I cared about health or something like that. A juice cleanse is when you only drink liquids for a certain period of time as a way to kickstart an eating disorder remove toxins from your body. It’s also a great test to see how long  you can go without eating before seriously considering robbing someone at gunpoint for a piece of pizza.

While the cleanses themselves were often different, the outcomes of them were always the same.

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Bad Dating Advice

15 Nov

This post could alternately be titled “You Shouldn’t Believe Everything You Read on the Internet” because there is some seriously inaccurate stuff floating around out there. I wasted years of my life reading Cosmo, and my brain bled after somehow stumbling upon Yahoo! Shine. Yesterday I had the privilege of reading the worst post on dating advice I’ve come across in quite awhile.

women's magazine, bad dating advice, cosmo magazing

THIS

I didn’t comment on the post, nor will I link to it here. I understand and accept that other people are allowed to write what they want. That’s precisely what gives me the liberty to lambast that post here.

I assume that breakups are a dating blogger’s bread and butter because people are falling out of love all the time, and searching for ways to cope, and get back out there. Most of the time it’s pretty standard advice like keeping busy, and finding yourself. Continue reading →

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American Nightmare

14 Nov

“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find someone to share it with.”

That’s what a loan officer told me after I had informed her that, yes, I would be attempting to buy a home by myself. There was pity in her voice, and if it wasn’t for the sake of professionalism, she probably would have said, “Whoa. You’re buying a home alone? SPINSTER ALERT!”

forever alone, single, spinster

Me, apparently

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21 vs. 31

13 Nov

My birthday is in a couple of weeks, and I’ll be waving goodbye to 31, and saying hello to 32. I’m not one of those people who dreads her birthday; in fact, I’ve enjoyed getting older. There’s a certain confidence and wisdom I’ve gotten after experiencing a few things, and settling down a bit.

There’s no denying that you can run from aging, but you certainly can’t hide from it. I think I’m still pretty young at heart, but I’ve definitely noticed that some things have changed over the last 10 years.

Dating

21: Want a guy who is in a band

31: Want a guy who won’t ruin my credit score

Breasts

21: Above my waist

31: Saying hello to my belt buckle

saggy breasts, getting older, boob meme, someecards

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Bloggers For Movember Giveaway

12 Nov

If you’ve never heard of it, Movember is an annual event which encourages people to grow mustaches to help raises funds and awareness for men’s health issues. Last year Le Clown set up a Bloggers for Movember campaign which rallied bloggers to support the cause. It was a huge success, and one that Becca from 25toFly is repeating this year.

I had so much fun with the campaign last year that I told Becca I most definitely wanted to be a part of it this year. Not only do I love supporting charities, but any excuse to grow out my facial hair is aces in my book.

mustache, movember, handlebar, men's health, bloggers for Movember, Movember women

You think this is photoshopped, but it’s not.

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In Good Company

11 Nov

I wasn’t going to do NaBloPoMo this year. I did my own antisocial rogue version with Speaker7 last year, and remember thinking that I’d rather have my arm sawed off by a butter knife than do it again. When it rolled around this year, Speaker7 sent me a very threatening “do NaBloPoMo or you’re dead” e-mail. That, coupled with Rarasaur’s crazed enthusiasm over literate chili peppers, convinced me to give it another go.

I’m pretty sure this is the slippery slope that leads to people finding themselves in cults. I’ve somehow managed to narrowly escape that fate all of these years. The only cult I belong to is the one which worships Jack in the Box tacos.

jackintheboxtacos Continue reading →

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Making the First Move

10 Nov

wisdom-vs-pride-quoteMy friends mean a great deal to me. I don’t have very many of them, but the ones I do have are incredible people. My loyalty runs deep.

I recently got into a fight with one of my oldest and dearest friends. This is someone who knows me better than I know myself sometimes. He has been a listening ear over the years, and supported me when things in my life were falling apart.

Our bond is so tight that our friendship is like an extension of myself.

Our argument wasn’t explosive. Neither of us said anything hateful to the other, nor did anyone utter the words, “You’re dead to me.” It was simply one of those conversations where you realize you’ve reached an impasse with another person. Continue reading →

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Liz Lemon is My Spirit Animal

9 Nov

I am almost always the last person to watch a hit television show. I saw my very first episode of Breaking Bad a few months ago. I’ve been saying I’ll get around to having a looksie at Dexter. It’ll be another 20 years (and gut-wrenching boredom) before I watch The Walking Dead.

As one would expect, I was very late to the game when it came to viewing 30 Rock. I wasn’t interested in the premise of the show, and it wasn’t until a friend encouraged me to watch it that I finally did. “I think you’d really like one of the main characters, Liz Lemon.”

To say she was right is a very serious understatement. I mean, we’re practically the same person.

Neither of us understands how to meet a men:

30-Rock-Meme Continue reading →

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Panty Droppin’ Coffee

8 Nov

If you’ve been following this blog for years awhile this week, you know that I work from home. I’ve been telecommuting for the past year, but prior to that, I was part of the daily grind just like everyone else. This was before I started barking at strangers, and considering brushing my teeth optional.

I am not a morning person in the least bit. I was meant to go to bed at 2AM, and wake up at 10AM. Anything deviating from this means you’re not getting me at my best, and by “best” I mean everyone else’s version of mediocre.

This is how my mornings used to look:

  • Alarm goes off
  • Curse myself for not being born a Kardashian
  • Get up and drop a couple F-bombs on my alarm
  • Look in the mirror and wonder if science will one day be able to help me
  • Wash face/brush teeth/pee while checking Facebook on my phone
  • Pick out an outfit that screams “you don’t pay me enough to dress well”
  • Head to work vowing to find a rich husband because I’m too awesome to work
  • Get coffee because my hypothalamus is bossy as hell

brainasshole Continue reading →

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Things My Therapist Has Taught Me

7 Nov

bc425f09027fd13912ac10b6728e4ea3I don’t typically write serious subject matter on this blog, but a few months ago I wrote about my desire to seek therapy for a myriad of issues I’ve faced for years. A woman of my word, I began going almost immediately.

I don’t like talking to friends or family members about my problems so the idea of talking to a stranger about my innermost thoughts really put me off. Luckily, I found someone totally aces on the first try, and she has taught me some very valuable things in our time together so far.

How you feel about yourself is not a democracy.

I would never have described myself as a “people pleaser” until I started seeing her. Now I can’t believe I never saw it before. In every facet of my life I am living for someone else: at work, in relationships, with my family, among friends. No wonder I’ve spent half my life asleep at the wheel; trying to be everything to everyone is exhausting. Once, when I was expressing anxiety over Blogger Interactive, she said, “Who cares if people end up disliking you? How you feel about yourself is not a democracy. The only person who gets a vote in that is you.” All this time I’ve been basing my self-esteem on what I assume or know to be others’ judgements of me. I’m trying to see that I am good enough as-is, and if someone doesn’t like me, that doesn’t diminish my worth. Continue reading →

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