I love traveling. I enjoy seeing landmarks, feasting on local cuisine, and going to historical museums to get my knowledge on. While I appreciate the luxury of travel, I’m not fond of flying. Between the security pat-down, flight delays, and cramped seating arrangements, it’s just not at the top of my list of things in life I fancy.
On my latest trip to Vegas, I was reminded that one of the things I do really like is the literature that comes in the seat pocket in front of you on the airplane. While I like reading the evacuation instructions and airline-specific magazine, the thing I really look forward to is SkyMall Magazine.
While most of the stuff in there is pretty standard fare, there are some tucked away gems which are so bizarre you have to wonder if the altitude is affecting your perception. I took the liberty of flipping through the latest issue, and finding the biggest “WTF?” merchandise SkyMall has to offer.
The Solowheel. For those who have an extra $1800 in the bank, and think walking is too damn difficult. Must be a unicycle enthusiast who loves looking like an asshat. Click on the picture to watch this bad boy in action.
Credit: SkyMall
Large Super Skate Sail. I can’t prove it, but I’m pretty sure this thing is responsible for at least 20% of the divorces in our country. Husband: “Honey, I bought this great thing that allows us to windsurf in the park!” Wife: “I bite my tongue when your mother says I looked good with all this extra weight, and supported you when you wanted to start the brazilian waxing for men mobile spa, but I refuse to look like a beached water sport enthusiast.”
Credit: SkyMall
One Of A Kind Shirt. Armenian nightclub owner. BMW driver. South Beach regular. President of a frat. This is a one of a kind shirt for more than one kind of douchebag.
Credit: SkyMall
UpRight Sleeper. You know what I love about this product? How discreet it is! There are probably people who were beat up for wearing head gear who want to punch anyone who willingly wears this in the groin. I wonder if the inventors have ever heard of this little thing called A FREAKING PILLOW.
Credit: SkyMall
Custom Pet Canvas. This is the kind of thing you put above a house guest’s bed when you hope he/she will never want to return again. Seriously, this is the stuff nightmares are made of.
Credit: SkyMall
iGrow Hair Rejuvenation Laser. The same technology that burnout college kids use to grow pot in dorm rooms is now being used to turn your loved one into a chia pet. Brilliant.
Credit: SkyMall
SkyRest Travel Pillow. I can barely open a newspaper when I’m in an airplane seat, and this is guy is able to whip out a blowup mattress and take a catnap? Yeah, I can see this going over well with the traveler next to you who just lost his half-inch worth of elbow room.
Credit: SkyMall
Cat Toilet Training System. Little known side effect of this product: “I’m almost ready to leave, but I need to wait for Nathaniel Pawthorne to finish reporting for doody so I can grab my overnight case from the bathroom.”
Credit: SkyMall (the cat’s stare courtesy of the seventh circle of hell)
Let the record show that consumerism is alive and well in America.
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Sips of Jen and Tonic 
Oh brother, this made me laugh out loud! I also love Skymall. It’s a bit like those daytime TV ads…if you buy this, we will throw this in for FREE! Congrats on getting FP
“For 3 easy payments of $49.95, you can have this shirt made from quilt scraps AND a knife that can cut through your shoe!”
Thanks!
Oh sweet lord. Landfill fodder, all of it – but particularly that patchwork looking shirt, it makes the guy look like an Eastern European pimp…
Eastern European pimp! Damn! That’s one I missed…you’re so right. I’ll be consulting you on my posts going forward.
…And the name “Sky Mall’ sounds like the place Judy Jetson and her friends go to shop.
YOU’RE RIGHT!
Is SkyMall Hipster approved?
Yes…Yes it is.
*fist pump* YES!
Oh man… hilarious. I have to admit though that the blow up pillow would be something i’d probably buy as I just can’t sleep on planes, and i am not sure i’d be concerned i’d look like a complete prat!
PLEASE promise me if you do, and actually use it, you’ll give the world a gift of a picture of that.
You got it 😉
there are just no words………..
congrats on being FP–but I was already a loyal follower
Don’t lie, you just put in an order for the Super Skate Sail!
Thanks and thanks 🙂
how did you know? are you having me followed–I also got that one wheel thingy – ha ha
Solowheel + super skate sail = hijinks
hijinks are good! I am up for it
Thank you for this! I am obsessed with Skymall an the ridiculous things in their catalogue! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
I never realized how many people love SkyMall! Maybe this is all part of their marketing genius. They suck us in with the crazy stuff, and then sell us the REAL items in their catalog.
Thanks on the congrats!
Bizarre stuff for bizarre peeps … what’s the world coming to? I want that upright sleeper!
I think the UpRight Sleeper wouldn’t be so bad during turtleneck season, but you can kiss your social life goodbye during the summer!
Hilarious! I have a theory about in-flight magazines. I think their secret purpose is to keep people with a fear of flying from doing something they’d regret instantly – basically by diverting their attention towards doing something they’ll come to regret only later (once they see their credit card bill at the end of the month).
Thanks for the follow, btw! Looking forward to staying connected. 🙂
That is brilliant, and I think you may be right. It’s also the perfect time, when people are on vacation, to get them to spend money. People forget they have a mortgage, a car, and a college degree to pay off when they’re on holiday. Those bastards are diabolical geniuses!
I love each of description on the “One of a Kind Shirt” it’s so funny and that “Upright Sleeper” is hilarious.
The only way to get over the trauma of looking directly at that shirt is to make fun of it.
Looks like to me that SkyRest Travel Pillow person needs 2 seats!
No kidding! And at that point, who needs that stupid pillow? Stretch out and enjoy all the extra room.
Awesome. http://www.segmation.wordpress.com
So, this is what people do who have all kinds of extra money. Hilarious post! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!!
Thanks! And yeah, if I had extra money I’d spend it on worthwhile things like a cotton candy machine or a jetpack.
Reblogged this on The Numbered Life and commented:
Top 8 Most Bizarre SkyMall Merchandise: American consumerism is alive!
Thanks for the reblog!
LOL these are amazing! I’ve always thought SkyMall was the weirdest catalogue of all time… But this post says it best!
It’s like Sharper Image but for WEIRD CRAP.
AWESOME MEMORY! Thank you! I totally forgot about those things, big ear to ear grin on my face just glazing your highlight pics. Yah. Can’t wait til the era of TSA is over and done with and some kind of new jet fuel develops so flight is more fun and affordable again. Great post, much love!
This post could have been an entire SERIES. There were so many strange things in that catalog. I guess they’ve got to cater to anyone’s in-flight whims.
Thanks for stoppin’ by!
SkyMall products are so funny. However, I do think one of the felines I live with could be trained to use the toilet. I’m not sure I want another life form in line for that one though.
I love them dearly, but cats have such bad attitudes. First, you teach them to use the potty. Then they start hogging the counter space. Next thing you know, you’ve got no more hot water because Boots is taking 30 minute showers.
Hilarious post. The solowheel looks like a power saw when it is folded. Half expected it to tear up the road when the guy got onto it again.
Doesn’t it? You know that’s going to be the second version of this thing. “If you call in the next 30 minutes, we’ll upgrade you to Solowheel Power Tool Edition. It rolls, it saw, it transports, it builds!”
I love how the people in the video make the Solowheel look so convenient and easy to carry around. It looks like it weighs a TON. And no demonstration of what happens when you want to carry a few bags of groceries while on Solowheel?…I have a feeling it wouldn’t work out too well. Nice post!
SERIOUSLY. The director: “CUT! Look, when you pull that thing up you can’t make it look like it’s not pulling your arm out of the socket. Act natural. Light as a feather. I can’t believe I quit directing ‘America’s Next Top Model’ for this shit.”
HAHAHAHA, this collection is hilarious
Pretty terrible stuff, no?
I just saw that this post was FP’d. Congrats! Totally tits!
This blog is colder than a witch’s titty! Wait…
It’s the altitude.
But seriously, I LOVE the Skymall catalog and I steal it every time I fly. Okay, I think they actually encourage people to take it, but it makes me feel more daring than my years to say that I “steal” it.
You steal those things they give away for free! Thug life.
OUtstanding and congrats on the FP!
Thanks and thanks!
Those are great!
I’m sure all are still available for purchase!
Hilarious. Funniest thing I’ve read in ages. I watched the solowheel video and I wonder how many takes they went through before they got one where the rider didn’t wipe out. They are standing on it so awkwardly. I smell a serious backache… maybe the upRight sleeper people make some sort of aparatus to straighten your spine overnight. Thanks for the laughs.
I also want to know how the audition for the part went! “Number 185, please step right up. I am gonna need you to look business casual while you ride this down the street. Just relax, the camera will love you.”
Whenever I’m getting frustrated or bored by the hassle of airports, I just keep in mind how much fun I’m going to have flipping through Skymall’s ridiculous products. Would love to know who actually buy this stuff.
People with no class or taste: Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich.