Yesterday I wrote a post that seemed to touch a nerve with quite a few people. Exes always drudge up mixed feelings, and a lot of you showed genuine concern for me. I’m here to tell you that I have not lost my damn mind.
Let’s clear a few things up…
I’m not going to be rekindling a romance with my ex. I’m not going to develop a deep bond with my ex. I’m not going to go down an emotional rabbit hole with my ex.
There are approximately 3.5 billion men on Earth. I assure you that I’m focusing my energy on the 3,499,996 men I haven’t already dated. I don’t even watch movies twice.
The whole situation got me thinking about blogging, and what it means to share yourself with the world. You’ll have readers from different parts of the world with different backgrounds, and different experiences. Sometimes this means that people won’t always agree with you.
If you blog long enough, your followers become like your family. You share, they share. You laugh, they laugh. You cry, they cry. You disagree, they disagree.
I love that.
It means I’m making a real connection with you guys every time I post something. I’m glad I have the type of relationship with my readers where they feel they can express their honest opinions, and I can openly receive them.
I feel lucky that the people who show up here always remain respectful. Not just with me, but with each other. I know I don’t really write about controversial things, but this is the internet, a place where people can pick a fight about anything.
I hope that you know I read all of your comments, and I do take them to heart. When you give me advice I listen. When you share your stories I listen. I even listen when you say, “WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO YOUR EX?!”
You’re my WordPress family. Of course I listen.
Thank you to everyone who commented, tweeted and e-mailed me about my post yesterday. I heard you loud and clear. I always do.
Sips of Jen and Tonic 
Hearts, hugs, and kisses! =D
I somehow missed that post (trying to keep up with my reading but I have several of you doing this stupid nanocrap (I forget what it’s called) who are spewing out daily posts and I’m having a helluva time keeping up. (gets off of soap box). I don’t know what’s happening with your ex but you have a good head on your shoulders. And I’m always here if you want to talk (if your other hundreds of friends are all busy). 🙂 xo
On behalf of all the people spewing out posts every day, I apologize. It is WAY TOO MUCH of us. I’m sick of myself.
I’m not sick of you. Just wish I had more time to read everyone’s posts. 🙂
Great post! It’s funny how much of a connection we make with the people with whom we interact on a regular basis through blogging, isn’t it? Non-bloggers cannot understand. And by “non-bloggers” I mean my husband. He thinks it’s crazy.
It really is… 🙂
Crazy? Yes, WordPress especially.
Also, 3.5 billion is a lot men in the ocean of dating, I’m sure you’ll find your man !
True. That’s a lot of penis.
I see someone is specific in what they want in a man !
You’re absolutely right. When I explain to non-bloggers what blogging is like, they don’t grasp the awesomeness of it. But when you have dozens of people showing up and caring about you, even just for a moment, it’s really a special thing.
I used to belong to a forum for a couple of years while I was hopelessly in love with an asshole. I received a LOT of advice at that time. Looking back, they were so right and I was so delusional. Thank goodness I can say that now! 😉
Hey, I think it’s great that you can look back on it now with an open mind. You’re probably much more open to advice. Everything is a learning experience!
I wasn’t on the computer much this weekend, and I read this one first. Blogging does extend our family. It’s good we have people who will freak out with or for us.
“It’s good we have people who will freak out with or for us.” Yes! This is what I was trying to say in all of this jumbled nonsense.
Damn, now I have to go and read yesterday’s post! 🙂 In the meantime, since I’m easily much older than you and that gives me the right to dish out advice, go listen to some Taylor Swift girly pop. 🙂
Please, dish out advice! I don’t even know if you’re that much older, but you are definitely wiser.
Oh now you’ve done it. 🙂 well, the first thing which I thought of is that old adage that people come into our lives and after their purpose is served it’s time to let them go. I think kind of like a plumber who comes and fixes the faucet and, after he’s done, we say thank you very much and he’s off to do another job. There’s no point to hang on to him and say, “please don’t go, there might be something else you can fix.” No, we just let go. So this might be the same as the ex. He’s been in your life, served his purpose (for lack of a better term), taught you what you needed to learn and now it’s time for him to go. But, just like that plumber, when you meet ex, you want to say “hello, how’ve you been? Fix anyone’s plumbing lately?” That’s all good. 🙂
Ah… But the real question is: Is he trying to get back together with you?
😉
Excellent question. I’d guess, based on the fact that we haven’t talked, that the answer is no. If he does, I mean, could you blame him? *Points at face*
Exactly. He’d have to be crazy.
It never even dawned on me that you’d want him back. My first reaction upon reading your post was, “Why the fuck is he contacting you and do I have to fly out there and kill him?”
I’d love for you to fly out here. Killing him is optional, but you would be paid a modest fee.
A cup of Portland’s finest java would be payment enough.
Hugo was very excited to hear of your interest in dating the 3,499,996 other men on the planet. He’s assuming you’re also including half-man puppets?
My number one choice.
OF course mine was the advice you listened to. I’m sure of it. 😉
Oh, of course!
Because you quoted Frank Zappa – you’re my favorite blogger of the moment!
Your love is so conditional.
Only on Wednesdays
I’m on my way to read it now, but we have similar views about blogging/readers. Sometimes wires get crossed or people interpret your writing in a way you never imagined they would. Good on you for dealing with it.
Yeah, it does happen a lot. I think it can actually help me as a writer because I noticed, in some of my old writing, that what I meant and what I said weren’t in synch. Helps tighten up my writing.
Alas, I so relate to it all. Comments and exes a like! I enjoyed both posted and actually it reminded me of myself. 🙂 Keep Blogging! 🙂
Glad you could relate!
LOL, hmmm, others must have seen something I didn’t. It never occurred to me your post yesterday had anything to do with “getting back together” with your ex. It seemed more reflective to me. A writer can only give so much depth to their words, the rest is up to the reader.
“A writer can only give so much depth to their words, the rest is up to the reader.” So true! If I wrote every word that popped into my head, it’d read like the crazed rantings of tinfoil hat wearer.
I think that’s how I wrote Jen :p
Interesting what happens when you reveal little tidbits of your life. I think people rush in with advice because they want to express that they care. It could be difficult to be on the receiving end of it. I hope I didn’t say too much! Hugs.xx
I didn’t find it difficult at all! I’m at a point in my life where I want to hear it all. How else will I learn? I think people who get upset about advice are missing the point of it. Sure, it may not always be good or right, but the intention is noble.
I also didn’t read it as trying to get back together with your ex, or even secretly hoping– but then, I’m friends with all my exes still. It’s less of a red-flag for me, I guess.
I do, however, watch movies more than twice… and listen to the same songs about a hundred times in a row.
This was a great post– full of awwwww-inspiring, squishy moments, and strength. I’m proud to be one of the strangers who is uncommonly invested in the innerworkings of your life.
I live with my most recent ex-boyfriend! HA. We grew apart and realized we were no longer romantically in love. I could never have done this with any of my exes. I think each relationship you have with anyone is different, and you have to treat it as such.
Also, you are not a stranger to me. You’re my friend. GET IT STRAIGHT.
I didn’t get a chance to say anything yesterday (long story), but looking at some of the traffic, I can see why there’s some strong statements being made. You do assure people that this is way too soon in the encounter to go into any kind of stance as you process this.
For what it’s worth, I had an ex reach out to me once, when it had been a few years since we’d seen each other.
Long story short,we have been married for seventeen years so far, so you never know…
WHOA! Have you written about that on your blog? If so, please link here. If not, please write about it.
I hadn’t really thought of it like that, but it is kind of like that. I can never help being a mom.. even-though I don’t talk about my kids that much cause they’re grown..you are just a teency bit older than my daughter and I have come to care for you genuinely so those protective things just kick in for me. lol Actually I am protective like that with all my friends. I would like it very much Jen if you remain protected from the evils in the world and you continue to flourish because you are a bright and lovely young woman and I wish there were more young women like you in the world. Hugs
Your heart is always in the right place, and is always appreciated. I am not free of flaws, and there will be a time when I contemplate something stupid. It’s comforting to know you’d be there wagging your “mom finger” at me. No judgment, just tough love. That’s what real friends do.
This strikes a chord with me.
I am reminded how difficult it can be sometimes to check my own past-relationships-that-were-toxic-baggage, at the door. If I am to step into a different room, one where I can see another persons truth, then even if it takes a herculean effort, that is what I must do.
And if I don’t move my own crap out of the way? Then my response has a 90% chance of coming from a place of fear. And that, does. not. work.
It takes chops to show up and share in a public forum, I appreciate immensely the opportunity you afford me (and others) to see you, as you are, in that moment.
Likewise! One of the reasons I am now a devoted follower of your blog is because you share yourself so openly on it. It’s like sitting down and talking with a friend…if that makes sense.
One of the biggest reasons I love blogging is because it holds a mirror up to me. What if I had lost my mind and was going to try and spark up something with this guy? I had a ton of people saying, “STOP! DANGER! NO!” How many people can say they’re that lucky?
An ex is a person with whom someone shared deeper personal connection than with anyone else some time in the past. So for me, the default question is, Why wouldn’t you talk to your ex? There are, of course, plenty of valid reasons not to – painful break up, abuse, and so on – but every case is different.
I can think of 2,000 different reasons (give or take) of why I shouldn’t speak to him. I can also think of one huge reason to talk to him: we were friends before we dated. Having said that, we haven’t really talked since our initial encounter. Sometimes it’s just nice to know someone you once knew so well is still alive and kicking.
You set the example here, Jen. You’re a fabulous human being, and a talented writer.
Thanks, TD! I know when you were going through some stuff that I was in awe of how much people rallied to lift you up. The kindness on WP is plentiful.
It really is. The community here really looks out for its own. It’s like no other community I’ve been a part of.
He had his chance… You are right there are billions of other guys who would show up in your parlor with offers of marriage and boxes of salt water taffy and daffodils. (Hey I’m old. What do you want?) the point is he added to who you are right this second… What’s texting by the way…. Wait my party line just freed up… See ya..
Candy and flowers? If that’s “old” then I’m a senior citizen! Sounds good to me.
Laughed out loud at the party line reference.
Around here there’s this candy company called See’s… It’s the bestest! I’ve had others but nothing beats Grandma See’s! I’ve had others and nothing can compare… I’m so old I used to fix rotary phones…
See’s is amazing.
In order of ranking: one that round marshmallow round one with Carmel in chocolate, almond square and vanilla square with walnuts… Check check and checkmate…
YES! YES! YES! Now I’m craving it.
You buy a little white and black bag of nine pieces with the promise to yourself of, “Saving it until you watch your favorite tv show…. Well may be one now. The bag is empty by the time you make it home… There is satisfied guilt and you say to yourself, I should of bought a few more pieces…
I haven’t read the post and I only recently discovered you, but let me tell you something. There are always people who would go ahead and tell you: Oh my God, have you lost your goddamn mind? You can’t do that.
These people are usually the ones who’d do that in real life as well, whether you’ve asked for advice or not. Blogging is so intimate – it’s like opening yourself to al those strangers and expecting sympathy…even empathy. I think you have the right to do whatever you want, if it feels right for you, when you do it. No need to explain. You are bound to meet criticism the more you share intimate stuff. I’ve been there – I have read quite a few direct and weird comments on my own blog which made me feel hurt, confused and sad. I doubt the person writing them wanted to denote exactly that, but it did anyway.
I am sure your blog has touched a lot of people already, so it doesn’t matter whether some of them don’t agree with you.
🙂
“We all sin differently.” I read that on a bathroom stall somewhere. Something I’ve only just begun to get through my thick skull is that we all make choices. They might not be the choices someone else would choose, but it’s up to us. Yes, it may be a mistake, but a lot of things could be mistakes. All you can do is use your best judgement and hope it all works out.
That is a great quote. I will steal it. And so true…most things we can never tell how would end if we don’t see for ourselves.
I think we all bring our personal experiences to people we care for. You’re a smart, smart girl. Glad you’re treading lightly but if you decide to jump in with both feet? Let me know. =)
Of course! I mean, I have a group of people who care about me so much that they want to save me from heartache they’ve experienced. How can you get mad about that?
Jen,
I know what a well balanced human being you are, and that wouldn’t try to get even publicly with your ex. You are a clever woman, and his bed would be filled with bed bugs and his room with black mold without anyone of us knowing… something you would deny ever doing, obviously.
Le Clown
Oh, so you have heard about my post-breakup tactics?
I didn’t read it like you were trying to get back with him, but goes to show it’s all in who is reading and what they may or may not bring to it. 🙂
Excellent point. That’s kind of the beauty of writing, that what you’re saying could have different meanings for different people. Basically, that you’re a badass whose words appeal to everyone.