NaNoWriNO Day 26
Topic: My Birthday
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On Thanksgiving Day in 1981, a very pregnant Mexican woman (along with her feathered-haired Caucasian husband) stumbled into a hospital, and gave birth to a baby girl. They looked at her and said, “What do we call this amazing gift to humanity?” They named her Jen and Tonic.
Fast forward 31 years. Today is my birthday.
When I think about being alive for 31 years, it kind of blows my mind. I mean, I’m older than some modern day inventions:
- Windows operating system
- Apple Macintosh
- Disposable cameras
- Digital cellular phones
- Viagra (I’m older than dinosaur boners!)
- High-def television
- HTTP and HTML
- Disposable contact lenses
Basically, I’m farting dust these days.
There’s so much pressure to “go big or go home” on your birthday. Everyone wants to know what huge party you’re throwing for yourself, or what bar you’ll be going to with your friends to commemorate the day. These types of events usually end with whiskey on my breath, and crying while “Cat’s in the Cradle” plays on the jukebox.
I killed it at my birthday party last year
So what should I do this year? I know 31 is a stupid age, but I should still try and celebrate it in some way.
Maybe bowling?
Bowling ad, or description of my typical Saturday night?
Getting a makeover?
I’m calling up my local raccoon and seeing if he can help me recreate this
Going dancing?
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
Wine tasting?
Watching a local dance performance?
This dollar bill isn’t gonna stuff itself into your pants, fellas.
Oh, who am I kidding? Here’s what I most likely be doing tonight:
Keepin’ it mad classy
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I guess I should thank my mom and dad for making me. Yuck.
I hope you had an awesome birthday… or a really great bottle of scotch… either one.
Why choose?
You leave a blessed life, don’t you?
Happy Birthday!!!!!
No reason why you can’t do them all…at the same time.
I got stuck while singing “Cat’s in the Cradle” and it was all downhill from there. Fun fact: my landlord doesn’t appreciate me bowling in the apartment. Or smoking in it. Or not paying him each month.
I think your birthday means you were conceived in the day I was born. I am 9 months and 1 week older than you, which means I need to start thinking about retirement (can you retire from being a mother?). At any rate, I hope you had a great birthday and I would definitely go to the yard for your milkshake.
The two greatest days aligning like that. Could it be possible? I shook my milkshake super hard, but no boys came to the yard.
Oh no! You didn’t milkshake yourself into a sore back, did you? You know, ladies of our age have to start worry about breaking a hip and sciatica. Maybe the boys are just lactose intolerant.
DAMN! I’m going to start advertising that I’m using lactose free milk. Thanks for the tip!
I just want to tell you that you have ruined my day now,because I am now humming Feliz Navidad over and over in my head because at the beginning of this post I had no idea what Feliz Cumpleanos meant.
Oh and happy belated birthday gurl! xo muah!!
Isn’t that the worst? I hope this comment isn’t a reminder to GET FELIZ NAVIDAD STUCK IN YOUR HEAD AGAIN.
That is exactly what I do on my birthday. But, you know, in my birthday suit (I keep the socks on though)
Am I too late? Damn!
Happy Birthday! Hope you had a great one 🙂
I couldn’t do any of this in my birthday suit. WAY too much jiggling for my taste. Or anyone else’s.
(Me singing)
Cumpleanos, Feliz
Cumpleanos, Feliz
Felices, Querida Jen
Cumpeanos, Feliz!
(don’t know how to do a tilde, sorry)
Happy Birthday!
Cathy
No tilde needed. Thank you so much Cathy 🙂
Mixed kids are the best – I know, I have three. Happy birthday Jen.
*HIGH FIVE* to your awesome kids.
Happiest Birthday ever Jen! I hope your year is so awesome that rainbows appear when you open the door, and glitter pours from the ceilings of every room you enter!
It did! But do you know how hard it is to remove glitter from certain places? I do now.
That is my challenge ever day Jen.
Happy Birthday!! I think I may have a gift for you.
LOVED the gift!
Happy Birthday, Jen! I hope your 31st is a lot more memorable than mine was; no big whoops, no major events, but on the plus side no arrest report or lost rent deposit, either…
I did get frisked by an officer. Well, actually it was just a guy I know dressed up as an officer. Same thing.
Happy… birthday. Mama’s… vajay.
Baby… booties. Boys have…. cooties.
Tiny… kittens. Ate your… mittens.
Grown assed…. woman. Now I’m… all done.
(that’s ^ said in a robot voice)
exes and ohs
This may be the most romantic and wonderful birthday poem ever created for me. You’re the best! XO
Your birthday celebration looks an awful lot like mine except I wear even dirtier socks. Happy Birthday, my dear friend. May it be filled with cake and not with dinosaur boners.
I got cake AND dinosaur boners, so basically it was a wash.
Merry birthday. MAKE IT RAIN.
All I had were quarters. True story: strippers don’t like it when you throw coins at them.
So Ms. Tonic… today’s your birthday? Or more specifically, right the hell NOW is your birth minute. It isn’t every day that you get to tell your bestie from another testie just how much she has meant to you over the years. You have encouraged me to do the one thing I want to do more than write… and that is, be “real”. Not easy to do, but I’m giving it my best shot. And YOU lady… are the most “real” example of friendship I know.
¡Feliz Cumpleaños!
I hope you get everything on your birthday wishlist… forever!
MY BF, BF! I can’t believe you timed this perfectly so that your post would show up at 2:44. That’s serious dedication.
I’m so happy that I’ve done for you what you’ve done for me. We make a pretty great team, eh?
I had a great birthday, but my real presents are coming soon enough.
Thanks so much. You are awesomesauce 🙂
Well, I hope you enjoy those too.
Feliz cumpleanos amiga! imagine how funny you’ll be in another 31 years. Your posts are a highlight for me and always bring a giggle to may day. Whatever you choose to do, I hope it is enjoyable. Jen xxxxoooo
In 31 years I’ll be a character on Golden Girls which is pretty much my life goal. Thank you so much for the well wishes 🙂
Happy Birthday Jen. You’re still a baby so don’t sweat the age. Your post cracked me up…or down…hell, as long as there’s crack involved somewhere. Have a great one. xo
I do love when crack is involved.
Happy birthday! I hope there’s cake involved somehow! 😛
There was, and it was glorious!
Well, I’ve got to add my wishes as well:
Happy happy happy birthday!!! And you could always go jump out of an airplane with a parachute on or some such excitement for your birthday if you wanted 😉
And if not – ENJOY that huge-ass glass of wine, cig, and chillin’ on the couch. I did the same on my actual birthday day this year! (Minus the cig. And I drank an entire bottle of champagne rather than a glass of wine – those bubbles you know, they’re just good!)
And be happy in the knowledge that if all your blogging friends were where you are – you’d be plastered from the amount of drinks we’d buy you ^.^
I jumped out of an airplane, but failed to read your instructions about the parachute. On the upside, I look really good in a body cast.
And yes, if all the bloggers lived near each other, it would be the kind of party the world could never recover from.
Some of my children are older than you! Happy Birthday Jen! Hope you have the best day doing whatever it is you would like to do – isn’t that what birthdays are all about! And if you have cake – have a huge bite for me because I have a birthday coming up too & I never get cake for my birthday.
I had about eight huge bites for you. Lucky for you because I bet your pants still fit. Unlike mine.
Happy birthday!!
Thanks TD!
Happy Birthday Jen-O-Fair. Thanks for all the posts you have written this month, they are great to read when i’m sitting bored working, you have been a life (mind) saver each day. Congrats to your parents for having such a great daughter. Hope i’m still reading your blog in another 31 years, when I will be….erm…never mind that. And thanks for that awesome ‘milkshake’ photo…what the f*ck is going on there?
Ah, I’m glad that people are still enjoying them. I just keep thinking, “At what point are people just going to get sick of this stuff and unsubscribe?”
That picture is of me doing the Can Can. I think I pulled it off.
Happy birthday!!!!!!!
Thanks girl! 🙂
Happy bday Jenn! On the bright side, you’re younger than Demi Moore. She’d give every painkiller in her purse to be you. =)
I may dance better than she does, but I have always wanted to be a cougar…