NaNoWriNO Day 26
Topic: My Birthday
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On Thanksgiving Day in 1981, a very pregnant Mexican woman (along with her feathered-haired Caucasian husband) stumbled into a hospital, and gave birth to a baby girl. They looked at her and said, “What do we call this amazing gift to humanity?” They named her Jen and Tonic.
Fast forward 31 years. Today is my birthday.
When I think about being alive for 31 years, it kind of blows my mind. I mean, I’m older than some modern day inventions:
- Windows operating system
- Apple Macintosh
- Disposable cameras
- Digital cellular phones
- Viagra (I’m older than dinosaur boners!)
- High-def television
- HTTP and HTML
- Disposable contact lenses
Basically, I’m farting dust these days.
There’s so much pressure to “go big or go home” on your birthday. Everyone wants to know what huge party you’re throwing for yourself, or what bar you’ll be going to with your friends to commemorate the day. These types of events usually end with whiskey on my breath, and crying while “Cat’s in the Cradle” plays on the jukebox.
I killed it at my birthday party last year
So what should I do this year? I know 31 is a stupid age, but I should still try and celebrate it in some way.
Maybe bowling?
Bowling ad, or description of my typical Saturday night?
Getting a makeover?
I’m calling up my local raccoon and seeing if he can help me recreate this
Going dancing?
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
Wine tasting?
Watching a local dance performance?
This dollar bill isn’t gonna stuff itself into your pants, fellas.
Oh, who am I kidding? Here’s what I most likely be doing tonight:
Keepin’ it mad classy
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I guess I should thank my mom and dad for making me. Yuck.
Sips of Jen and Tonic 
We will thank your parents for producing you! Happy Birthday Jen, if it helps, I’m way older than you are. I could have driven your parents to the hospital for the big event.
That would have been very nice of you! My dad could have focused all of his attention on my mom who was surely screaming, “GET THIS THING OUT OF ME.”
Happy Birthday, Jen. Your immaculate conception is celebrated in California, today.
In the name of the Lord, Ajen.
Happy Birthday Jen! I really don’t see why you can’t accomplish all of these things today, on the wings of a unicorn.
I tried, but I’m just not coordinated enough.
Do you sing Harry Chapin at any old Karaoke night or is it only on your birthday? Inquiring minds must know! Also, Happy Birthday! Thanks Jen’s Mom and Dad!
(It’s not as gross for me to think about as it is for you…)
I can do either or. I’m very flexible that way. I guess I should thank my mom and dad for getting drunk and forgetting to use protection.
Happy Birthday!! I agree with Madame Weebles. And also you should make someone take you to your favorite restaurant.
Thank you! I ended up doing absolutely nothing which was what I wanted. Face mask, soaking in the tub, reading a book. Was very nice.
A very happy birthday Jen! 31… psh… you’re a baby! Super young! 😀
Is that why I still suck my thumb?
Please, I could almost be your mother. And as your almost-mother, I’d advise you to get laid and loaded on your birthday. But whatever you do, enjoy it!
I got loaded and then laid myself. It was the best I could do on short notice.
Happy Birthday, Jen! Enjoy! Do you whatever you want. Thirty-one is an excellent age.
I’m like a fine wine! I get more bitter by the year.
Or as I like to say on my natal anniversary, “another year, shot to hell.”
Happy birthday, Jen, and I hope it’s a lot more fun than you would even dare to dream!
I read this comment on my birthday, and I said “another year, shot to hell” whenever anyone asked me how I felt. Now everyone wants to stage an intervention.
Ha! See, all my friends buy me sympathy drinks when I do that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Thanks 🙂
The last option. Definitely. But in long johns of course. I think Le Clown would be somewhere in a window creepily watching you smoke too.
What if he was in YOUR long johns while watching me smoke?
Mind blown…
Happy Birthday Jen. I feel really old now. lol
Dani, we’re only as old as our youngest friends.
So you’re 18? Can I be your cougar?
You had to ask?
Don’t feel old! On the internet, everyone is the same age.
Cell phones, HDTV, Windows…ha! When I was born there were only 48 states! Happy birthday Jen! Have fun!!!
lol at Society Red. 🙂
They had to add two more to fit in your awesomeness.
Damn! I like that!
Happy Day, Jen!!
Thank you so much 🙂
Happy birthday, Jen! I’ll be 31 in January so you’ll have to tell me what it’s like so I can be prepared. Hope you have an awesome day!
So far my bones have cracked and I had to pay my optometry bill. Very exciting stuff.
You’re five years younger than I am. Shut up. That being said, it’s sad how many things are younger than we are. What do you MEAN the Internet hasn’t been here forevers?
The internet did not exist before Al Gore waived his wand and invented it.
Happy birthday! And it really doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you have fun! That’s the motto!
I thought YOLO was the motto?
Happy day of birth. Eat all the cake and watch them cry.
I ate cake while crying. Does that count?
Not quite.
Small disclaimer: There are men younger than yourself needing that medication due to impotency. I do like your joke on dinosaur boners, so I hope the pharmacy technician in me has not ruined it. Though, really, it’s a Jen and Tonic joke and I am pretty sure they have an impenetrable force field. Anyway…
HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY! I hope it’s as mad classy as you are aiming for. 😉
No, not ruined it at all! I feel sorry for young dudes needing boner pills. Seems like such a raw deal for them.
I KEPT IT MAD CLASSY!
Go on witcha bad self!
Happy Birthday!
Thank you!!
Happy Birthday Jen and Tonic — my parents almost named me the same thing back in 1962! No but seriously — I hope you kick ass today and enjoy the hell out of it!
That milkshake picture will have me laughing throughout the day thank you. I especially love the expressions on the faces of the people surrounding her — ahahahaha!
Two Jen and Tonics? Wow! My parents thought they were so original.
Many Happy Returns! Tell your parents thanks from me while you’re at it — only don’t, because I think we should all pretend we just magically arrived via the Cabbage Patch (at least your mother never told you the date you were conceived, that made me cringe so freaking much).
Point being, my life is so much richer for your presence, and I am grateful that you are sharing a part of your journey with me.
Love you to bits and pieces and pieces and bits!
Did your mom really tell you that?! HAHA!!!!! Nine months prior to my birthday is my parents’ anniversary. I did the math on my own. YUCK.
Thank you so much for your birthday wishes. You are truly one of the greatest friends a girl could ask for. XO!
Alles gut zum Garbutstag!!! You are younger than me by a decade if it makes you feel better….
And you’re Not older than me by a decade! =D See, not old!
Hee hee – My happiness was getting carded buying a lottery ticket – so I’m feeling better about being 41!!
Way to go! *super high five!*
hee hee…
You obviously wear your age better than I do!
immaturity keeps me young
Then I’m good to go!
YAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAAAAAY!! Whatever you decide to do, have lots of fun and remember you have an UNbirthday 364 days of the year, you can celebrate that lots and lots of times!! ^_^
*raises giant birthday glass* XOXO!!
PS: I couldn’t stop laughing when I read your last tag. I imagined baby jesus doing the UNTZ.
Ha, I forget to look at her tags. And unbirthdays are the best!
Ms. Alice!! You of all people would know about the unbirthdays 🙂 How cool! Want a cup of tea? *sings A Very Merry Unbirthday to You…*
I have a whole slew of unbirthday presents on my blog. And there’s always room for tea.
Perfect! I’ll be checking your blog tomorrow. Bed time here! 🙂
UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ!!!! I totally hip thrusted myself to a fantastic birthday. My room is adorned with things I’ve gotten from friends, and your cards, gift from last year, and the header artwork are all hanging up. It made me happy to look around and see such love and fun and color. Thank you for being my friend 365 days a year 🙂
Oh em gee!! I imagine your room super pretty now!! I’m SO happy you had an awesome day. Thank YOU for being a friend as well ^_^
Jen,
Mostly. You are older than Rebecca Black, even on Mondays.
Le Clown
Jen,
Shit. I forgot my birthday gift….. Which makes my comment irrelevant…
Le Clown
I can’t believe you posted this… I am crying with tears of laugher… if you did this to me I would be so pissed though! I cannot really even begin to express how much I hate this video and song… Happy birthday Jen!
She is proof anyone can be famous these days.
This song is the soundtrack to my life.