Tag Archives: Team Jacob

The Outsider

28 Sep

Credit: Adapted from Major Arcana

Being around groups of women makes me nervous. I’m not talking about the “I’m feeling a little anxious about meeting new people” type of nervousness, but in the “it feels like it’s raining from my armpits, and my bowels are in such distress I’m afraid I may crap my pants” way. My social skills have never been up to par (shocking, I’m sure) but they are especially terrible when I’m around other women. I can’t relate to most of what they’re talking about, and I find myself having to refrain from constantly making “that’s what she said” jokes.

All of my closest friends have always been men. This has never been by design; in fact, I’ve tried really hard to fit in with the ladies. I’m always on my best behavior at first: no swearing, abstaining from making a disgusted face when someone mentions a movie adapted from a Nicholas Sparks book, and keeping the fact that I’m wearing an adult diaper because of an impending backdoor blowout under wraps. Inevitably, my real personality comes out, and invitations to partake in “girls only” outings begin to dwindle.

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