Search Engine Awkwardization

4 Oct

A few months ago, Timmer from Second Lunch put up this post discussing how he was getting views from a search term unrelated to anything on his blog. More recently, Le Clown put up a post on his facebook page noting someone’s affinity for sperm and McDonald’s led the searcher to his site. We’re constantly being told, as small blog authors, that we’re buried deeply in the interwebz. If this is true, how is it possible people are accidentally landing on our pages using the strangest of searches?

This got me thinking about my own search terms. If you’ve read even one post from Sips of Jen and Tonic, you’d know this is not exactly the kind of stuff you’d read to your kindergarten class before nap time. Well, unless your teaching certificate is from The David Hasselhoff School of Hamburger Eating. In that case, thanks for giving the children a really eye-opening education.

I know this was you Speaker7

I haven’t paid close attention to the phrases/words used which led people to my blog, but after looking through the entire list tonight, I really should have. It’s obvious my readership is very…diverse. I had no idea I had been writing for what I can only assume are maximum security prisoners looking for light reading material.

I thought it’d be fun if I gave you a peek into the type of stuff rolling across my dashboard. This list is not all-inclusive, but it’ll give you a good idea of what kind of company you’re keeping by being a follower of my blog.

In order of most to least popular:

  • Ducks with afros/Afro llama
  • Penis dress up/penis dressed up as old people
  • Sexy french clown
  • Whore makeup
  • Helicopter penis
  • Woman screwing her dog
  • Colonic irrigation insertion my anus
  • Why don’t girls poop in front of their boyfriends?
  • Pubes
  • Make out with hand
  • Really bad STDs
  • Peeing my pants/How to pee my pants/Audio of girls saying ‘I’m gonna pee my pants’
  • Blowout in my adult diaper
  • Naked sexually charged middle aged women
  • Fidel’s thrilling speech on “the denouncement of imperialism and colonialism”
  • Boobs with writing on them
  • Serial killers notebook
  • “The moment you start treating me respectfully i’ll leave you for a headcase with a sleeve tattoo and trans am”
  • Mushroom tap
  • Jenn is a buttface/My sister is a buttface
  • Running from the long arm of the law
  • Punch you repeatedly
  • How to be a KKK member
  • People that look like Gary Busey
  • I took a picture of poop and sent it to wrong person
  • Excavate poo
  • Rogue farts out boobs

Not only do I feel the honor of being Freshly Pressed is just around the corner, but I’m also betting money I’m the next recipient of a Nobel Prize.

63 Responses to “Search Engine Awkwardization”

  1. Soul Walker 10/16/2012 at 8:27 am #

    I’m pretty sure Fidel is actually on the Nobel nominating committee.

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