Bugs crawling into my ears at night. Getting pregnant with triplets. Being forced to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon. There is only one thing scarier than all of those things, and it’s internet dating.
It should come as no surprise that I’m not the best at dating. I can certainly hike up my breasts until they’re at cruising altitude, and I always refrain from using my shirt collar as a napkin until we’re in the “I accidentally farted on you” stage of our relationship. The thing I don’t have on my side is the ability to pretend I like stupid people who waste my time.
Internet dating has its benefits, but the relative anonymity of it coupled with the ease of access to thousands of potential mates has created a problem for those interested in a serious relationship. Gone are the days of daters trying to pretend they’re halfway normal, and in are the days of suitors asking if you’d like a dick picture after you tell them you work in marketing.
Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at some of the gems I’ve met online.
The guy who isn’t letting his marriage get in the way of his dating life
Last night I became so enraged that I threw something.
This is highly unusual for me. I’m not the type of person who gets so angry that she throws a punch, or starts breaking her dishes. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gotten upset about things, but I’ve never even considered getting physical.
One of the reasons I’m going to therapy is to get in touch with my emotions. I’ve spent most of my life being rather robotic in this regard. I experience setbacks, I stuff my feelings down, and I move on with my life.
This is not a method I recommend to anyone. You’ll think it’s working, but what’s really happening is that your feelings are lingering just beneath the surface. You can run away from them, but they’ll always catch up to you. Continue reading
Yesterday I wrote a post that seemed to touch a nerve with quite a few people. Exes always drudge up mixed feelings, and a lot of you showed genuine concern for me. I’m here to tell you that I have not lost my damn mind.
Let’s clear a few things up…
I’m not going to be rekindling a romance with my ex. I’m not going to develop a deep bond with my ex. I’m not going to go down an emotional rabbit hole with my ex.
There are approximately 3.5 billion men on Earth. I assure you that I’m focusing my energy on the 3,499,996 men I haven’t already dated. I don’t even watch movies twice.
The whole situation got me thinking about blogging, and what it means to share yourself with the world. You’ll have readers from different parts of the world with different backgrounds, and different experiences. Sometimes this means that people won’t always agree with you. Continue reading
“How’ve you been?”
That’s the message I received earlier this week from an ex-boyfriend. Not just any ex-boyfriend, but the ex-boyfriend. The one who crushed my heart into a million little pieces over a decade ago.
He was my first real love, and our relationship was built on a great friendship. I remember staying up all night on the phone with him, talking and laughing about anything and nothing.
They say love is friendship set on fire, and this was definitely true for us.
Our relationship was great in the beginning, but eventually began deteriorating. He and I had two very different view points on what it meant to be in a relationship. We seemed to fight about everything, and spent the last half of our relationship making up more than we did actually getting along. Continue reading
This post could alternately be titled “You Shouldn’t Believe Everything You Read on the Internet” because there is some seriously inaccurate stuff floating around out there. I wasted years of my life reading Cosmo, and my brain bled after somehow stumbling upon Yahoo! Shine. Yesterday I had the privilege of reading the worst post on dating advice I’ve come across in quite awhile.
I didn’t comment on the post, nor will I link to it here. I understand and accept that other people are allowed to write what they want. That’s precisely what gives me the liberty to lambast that post here.
I assume that breakups are a dating blogger’s bread and butter because people are falling out of love all the time, and searching for ways to cope, and get back out there. Most of the time it’s pretty standard advice like keeping busy, and finding yourself. Continue reading
My friends mean a great deal to me. I don’t have very many of them, but the ones I do have are incredible people. My loyalty runs deep.
I recently got into a fight with one of my oldest and dearest friends. This is someone who knows me better than I know myself sometimes. He has been a listening ear over the years, and supported me when things in my life were falling apart.
Our bond is so tight that our friendship is like an extension of myself.
Our argument wasn’t explosive. Neither of us said anything hateful to the other, nor did anyone utter the words, “You’re dead to me.” It was simply one of those conversations where you realize you’ve reached an impasse with another person. Continue reading
I know this is hard to believe, but I’m single. I KNOW! What, with showing strangers my hershey kiss, and accusing random men of being murderers, you’d think someone would have locked this down by now.
I am not actively pursuing a relationship, but from time to time I like to look at what’s out there to see what I’ll be working with once I’m ready for it. Most ads are filled with the same things: age, physical traits, kids/no kids, smoking/no smoking, and a list of things he or she is looking for in a partner. Very benign stuff.
Experts say the key to standing out is to write punchy, attention-grabbing lines. I think the men below misunderstood what that meant. Continue reading