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12 Days of Christmas- Day 12

21 Dec

For those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile, you know I love giving back. I love charity. I love volunteering. I think acts of service towards our fellow (wo)man are the one thing we’re all capable of doing, and should be doing.

giving quote_0

That was my inspiration behind the 12 Days of Christmas series. This year has been huge for me in terms of my writing, and by that I mean I’ve actually been doing it. I’ll elaborate on that in a yearly wrap up post I’ve been working on, but wanted to take this moment to say I’m incredibly thankful for the community here on Sips of Jen and Tonic.

This was my way of giving to you what I’ve been taking for the last year.

I must confess that, while I was excited for each day and what it would bring, I was most looking forward to today. I figured out that I wanted to do this on the second day of the series, and have been anxious to get to the end ever since. That may also be because I can finally take a break from assaulting your inboxes on a daily basis. Continue reading

12 Days of Christmas- Day 11

20 Dec

I honestly cannot believe I only have this post and the one for tomorrow, and then the 12 Days of Christmas series is over. I should be flying high! My creative juices should be spilling over! I should be spinning plates on my fingers, toes and nose simultaneously. The closest I’ve gotten to that tonight is when I burped and hiccuped at the same time.

Instead, I’m left with nothing.

Credit: peanuts.wikia.com

Our male pattern baldness is eerily similar
(Credit: peanuts.wikia.com)

This is how tonight has gone: Continue reading

12 Days of Christmas- Day 10

19 Dec

I’ve come to accept that there are things in life I can’t control:

  • Death
  • People actin’ a fool towards me
  • Weather
  • MTV playing reruns of the MTV Movie Awards for 6 straight months after it airs
  • My bladder

56dc47cb78c4553a087f95ce8bb5b35b73

While driving today, I came up with a great concept for today’s blog. I was going to talk about my family, love, friendship and all that other crap you’re supposed to be thankful for around the holidays. I was going to win awards with this post. The Nobel Prize committee might as well have been polishing my medal (they give medals, right?) Continue reading

12 Days of Christmas- Day 9

18 Dec

My name is Jen, and I’m an addict. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment my habit made the leap from recreational use to full-blown addiction. Maybe it was the time I sat in my car during my lunch hour, participating in my new hobby. It could have been the time I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning partaking in it even though I knew I had to get up early the next day. How does one define these kinds of moments?

My name is Jen, and I’m addicted to internet memes.

I am ashamed, dear readers, because I should have been writing a post for you tonight. I come up with the concept to deliver twelve posts in a row to show my holiday spirit, and now I can’t deliver. Instead of typing feverishly, I’ve been pissing away my night looking at things like this:

88735055128250460_GX9hyLmm_c Continue reading

12 Days of Christmas- Day 8

17 Dec

Every year when Christmas approaches, I get really excited. Because of Baby Jesus? No. Because of all the presents I’m going to receive? No. Because of the paid day off from work? Nope. My panties get electrified because of the salmonella-laden drink we call Eggnog.

I have a love-hate relationship with The ‘Nog. When I first see this holiday treat decorating the dairy section, I do a little happy dance right in the middle of the aisle. It looks like a cross between the Harlem Shake and the Cabbage Patch. Basically, shit gets crazy at Safeway.

You too can do "The Eggnog" in your local grocery store. (credit: Polycore)

You too can do “The Eggnog” in your local grocery store (credit: Polyvore)

Unfortunately, my enthusiasm causes me to lose my ability to judge how much eggnog I can drink before I want to die. I always go for the big carton, have a couple of glasses, and then regret my decision to purchase so much buttermilk liquid butter of the raw egg concoction. Continue reading

12 Days of Christmas- Day 7

16 Dec

I’m a sucker for Christmas traditions. Some people string popcorn and hang it on their tree. Some people sing Christmas carols. Some people attend midnight mass. I have fond memories of these lovely Tonic Family traditions:

  • Cussing up a storm as we try to figure out which bulb is causing the whole strand to blackout
  • Having tree sap stuck to my skin and hair for days after helping get the tree in the base
  • Waking up at ungodly hours because a tiny person in the house wants to get up before the sun does to open presents
  • My parents arguing because my dad forgot to charge the camcorder battery for the 900th year in a row
  • Feeling bloated and praying for a swift death after consuming too many sweets
Christmas 2009. This is me right before I "gave birth" to the cheesecake, rum balls and fudge I ate earlier in the day.

Christmas 2009. This is me right before I “gave birth” to the cheesecake, rum balls and fudge I ate earlier in the day.

Continue reading

12 Days of Christmas- Day 6

15 Dec

I wanted to write this post last night while the feeling of yesterday’s events were still fresh in my mind, but I decided against it. I don’t believe in writing from an overly emotional place, and yesterday I had to take a step back. I needed to give myself time to process what had happened

Now I’m ready to take a breath, and type.

Earlier this week, there was a shooting at a mall in my area which left two people dead. As I’m sure all of you know, there was a horrific shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut yesterday which claimed many lives, most of which were children’s.  Also in the news yesterday, a man stabbed 22 children outside a primary school in China. After hearing about these acts of unspeakable violence, my first thoughts were, “What the fuck has happened to people?”

I cried. For the victims, for the families of the victims, for the people who will forever be haunted by the events, for everyone who lost a little faith in humanity.

I used to be very cynical and pessimistic, believing that people will screw you over when given the chance. “The world is full of opportunists” I’d say, and I meant that. I looked at everyone as though they were a suspect in a crime they had not yet committed. Innocent until proven guilty? No way. Guilty until proven innocent. Continue reading

12 Days of Christmas- Day 5

14 Dec

One of the great things about being a kid is that you can ask for the most ridiculous crap for Christmas. You have no problems writing down that you’d like a laser gun, a pack of Big League Chew and a new baby brother. My list used to look something like this:

Dear Santa,

I’d like to marry Jonathan Taylor Thomas for Christmas. I’d also like a puppy. Can you give me bigger boobs? Bigger than the ones that jerk Jillian has. Oh, and some of those shoes that turn into skates because I don’t look like a big enough asshole normally.

Thanks,

Jen

As you get older, and the suckage of adulthood sets in, you start asking for more practical gifts. Now, my list looks something like this:

Dear Mom & Dad,

I need a new set of dishes and silverware. I also just ran out of my hair serum and face lotion. It’s getting pretty cold here so some winter socks would be nice. I also need towels and meatballs so a gift certificate to Ikea is handy. If all else fails, cash is good. That way I can pay off the loan shark who is threatening to bust my knee caps.

Thanks,

Jen

Now I can get that new Flippenflappen couch I've had my eye on

I can get that new Flippenflappen couch I’ve had my eye on

Continue reading

12 Days of Christmas- Day 4

13 Dec

Holy bananas, Batman! You people really love gorillas. Or pizza. Or David Harding. Yesterday’s post was one of my most read pieces in the last few months.

I realized when I wrote this post that we’re four days into my “12 Days of Christmas” series, and I haven’t really talked about Christmas yet. Who has two thumbs and doesn’t think to talk about Christmas in a series with the word ‘Christmas’ in the title. THIS GIRL!

I'm going place

I’m going places

One of my favorite things about the holidays is the array of things you don’t get any other time of year:

  • Eggnog
  • Pumpkin Spice Latte
  • Christmas Peeps
  • A tree just straight cold chillin’ in your house
  • Wearing pants with elastic in the waist without shame
  • The McRib Continue reading

12 Days of Christmas- Day 3

12 Dec

I thought Day 1 of this series was great, but Day 2 was even better! All of you brought your ‘A’ game, and I saw a lot of really cool videos for the first time. If I could, I’d buy each of you a drink, and then yawn and put my arm around you. Let’s face it, you want that too.

Moving on to Day 3…

I look a good challenge. I tried to get David Hasselhoff to tweet me back when Le Clown issued this Twitter challenge on his blog. I created and completed NaNoWriNO. I once outdrank a Russian gymnast in an effort to win $20 bucks and a blackened liver.

I recently read a post David Harding put up about his PizzaBoxDrawcember contest, and knew I had to enter. You need to click that little link to read the full story, but let me summarize the rules here:

  • Order a pizza
  • Ask the pizza making wizards to draw a gorilla throwing dice on the pizza box (other drawings acceptable, but I tried to keep with the original theme)
  • Leave the fate of your drawing in the hands of a pizza pusher

I like pizza. I like gorillas. I  like David. I like winning. NO BRAINER. Continue reading

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