21 vs. 31

13 Nov

My birthday is in a couple of weeks, and I’ll be waving goodbye to 31, and saying hello to 32. I’m not one of those people who dreads her birthday; in fact, I’ve enjoyed getting older. There’s a certain confidence and wisdom I’ve gotten after experiencing a few things, and settling down a bit.

There’s no denying that you can run from aging, but you certainly can’t hide from it. I think I’m still pretty young at heart, but I’ve definitely noticed that some things have changed over the last 10 years.


21: Want a guy who is in a band

31: Want a guy who won’t ruin my credit score


21: Above my waist

31: Saying hello to my belt buckle

saggy breasts, getting older, boob meme, someecards


21: Pay $120 for jeans because YOLO

31: See a $5 fee on my cable bill and call to have it removed because I won’t let those Commie bastards take my money


21: Leave around 10 so as not to get to the bar too early

31: Make sure I’m home around 10 so I can watch Matlock reruns before bed

matlock, matlock meme, humor,



31: Have to stay away from tequila because of something stupid I did right after I turned 21


21: I’ll sleep when I’m dead

31: I need more sleep because I feel like death

taking a nap, nap meme

Facial hair

21: Wax/shave/pluck religiously

31: You win, chin hairs


21: All my favorite songs are played on Top 40 stations

31: All my favorite songs are played on Easy Listening stations

mister mister, broken wings, car stero

I want to know: have you noticed your age catching up to you?

152 Responses to “21 vs. 31”

  1. NotAPunkRocker 11/13/2013 at 5:05 am #

    I noticed changes in my attitude when I turned 36 last year. I questioned the whole blue nails, dressing like a sloppy teen craziness. Then I decided I was too old to give a damn what anyone thought and I would keep carrying on.

    Most of the other stuff you listed applied to me when I was 30-31, except for the radio. Satellite radio is the greatest invention ever, particularly the 80s station.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:16 pm #

      I dress like a teenager too! Who are these people who become sophisticated as they get older?

      • NotAPunkRocker 11/15/2013 at 3:44 am #

        I am convinced whoever they are that they have more time and disposable income than I do or ever will have.

  2. nobodysreadingme 11/13/2013 at 5:08 am #

    Well Jen, I hit 61 in about four months, so you’re a babe in arms.

    • herschelian 11/13/2013 at 5:46 am #

      Babe-in-arms sums it up nicely! I am 63 but in my head I am still 18! Seriously though, my 30s were fan-bloody-tastic, and I wish you as much fun as I had! Word of advice – at 31 you are too young to make jokes about facial hair….it is a serious issue.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:17 pm #

      You are going to be 61?! I thought you were in your 30’s. Where did I get that idea?!

      • nobodysreadingme 11/15/2013 at 1:35 am #

        I really have no idea, but thanks anyway. That’s made my day.
        PS. I’ve booked an appointment for you at the oculist.

  3. Vanessa-Jane Chapman 11/13/2013 at 5:15 am #

    I’m 43, and I’m constantly reminded of how old I’m getting by my teenage daughter! The caring less what people think thing is a definite advantage the older you get. I feel sorry for my daughter seeing the anguish of keeping up with what’s expected, and worrying all the time about what people will think, it’s rough! Particularly the constant worry that her 43 year old mother will embarrass her by not acting her age!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:17 pm #

      You’re absolutely right! The not caring is the best part of aging. Maybe this is why I love getting older, because my life seems less pressure cooker-ish.

  4. RFL 11/13/2013 at 5:15 am #

    Haha! This has been in the forefront of my mind since I turned 35 a couple of months ago. I don’t really mind getting older much either, but I feel it a lot more lately. I’m the same way on finances, going to bed early, and drinking. It takes about three days to recover from a hangover now, so I just don’t do it much anymore. I hope you have a great birthday!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:18 pm #

      You’re 35?! I thought you were younger than I am! Damn girl, pass the anti-aging cream.

      • RFL 11/15/2013 at 10:07 am #

        Haha! I would not have guessed your age either (and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t kind of make my day because I feel like an old fart all the time now).
        I’m not even sure if I’m trying to be funny anymore when I add “the” to everything these days. The Facebook, The Twitter, The sex. The fuck…is a Snapchat?

  5. She's a Maineiac 11/13/2013 at 5:20 am #

    Yes, I’ve noticed. Especially the morning last week when I could make a lovely beaded cornrow with my gray chin hairs. Also, my lab partner is 21 and can officially be my daughter. Oh, and my best friend is a grandmother now and she’s 42, one year younger than me. So yeah.

    But I feel exactly the same on the inside as I did when I was in my 20s. I just don’t give a rat’s ass about what people think anymore. So it’s kinda great getting old. happy birthday!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:19 pm #

      I think a beaded cornrow of gray chin hairs is the perfect mix of gangster and style I’ve been looking for.

  6. donofalltrades 11/13/2013 at 5:30 am #

    I didn’t realize that I had a problem with 40 until it happened. Suddenly, I needed a brown bag to breath into and a shot of something harsh to calm my nerves. Most of the men in my family have died pretty young, except my dad who’s only 63. Whenever I get a new pang in my chest or head or stomach, I assume I’m dying, otherwise it’s really not so bad. I have young kids so that helps me feel younger than I am like Darla’s lab partner. Happy birthday!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:20 pm #

      40 seems to be a critical year for a lot of people. A friend’s mom had a near nervous breakdown when she turned 40 years ago, and she still hasn’t accepted it even though she’s over 50 now.

      Stay healthy, Don. We need you around.

  7. El Guapo 11/13/2013 at 5:31 am #

    Happy pre-birthday!
    Someone asked me my age the other day. I had to check my drivers license.

    It’s not the years. It’s the mileage.
    (That line stolen shamelessly from Raiders of the Lost Ark.)

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:21 pm #

      I have already forgotten my age as well. Someone asked me how old I was and said, “32. Oh, wait. No…November 1981. That would make me 31 until my birthday.”

  8. puneybones 11/13/2013 at 5:32 am #

    You made me laugh! Thanks!

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  10. E. 11/13/2013 at 5:42 am #

    Considering I’m not even 20 yet, I feel like I don’t have any right to be here, but this: “21: Pay $120 for jeans because YOLO
    31: See a $5 fee on my cable bill and call to have it removed because I won’t let those Commie bastards take my money”
    apparently means I have a mental age of 31. $120 for a pair of pants seems ludicrous to me.
    Hilarious as usual, Jen! :)

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:23 pm #

      If this is how you feel you are WAY ahead of the game. When I think about how much money I’ve wasted over the years I feel sick inside. Besides, $120 jeans are $30 jeans with a fancy label on them.

  11. CrazySmartClueless 11/13/2013 at 5:48 am #

    Hilarious. And it sounds like your 31 is remarkably similar to my 41.. ach.. I always was immature.

    31. If the ATM dispenses it, I’m spending it
    41. Pondering if my 401k choices are still ok now that I’m less than 20 years from RETIREMENT

    FYI = thanks for the shout out yesterday.. you doubled my readers!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:25 pm #

      401k scares me. IRA scares me. Retirement scares me. I’m getting older, but I’m not sure I’m growing up.

      Oh, and you’re welcome! Awesome of you to support the cause!

  12. thoughtsappear 11/13/2013 at 6:11 am #

    I just turned 32 a few months ago, but according to your post, I started being 31 around age 26 or 27. I’ve always been very mature for my age….

  13. Exile on Pain Street 11/13/2013 at 6:22 am #

    I look at the marquees at Radio City Music Hall and Madison Square Garden and these giant venues are being sold out by bands I’ve never even heard of. Some of them sell out two or three nights in a row! Seriously, do you have any idea who Paramore is?! Or MGMT?! Because I don’t and they sold out the Garden! I used to keep my finger on the pulse of music. What the hell happened? Don’t say it. I know.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:27 pm #

      My youngest sister is 18, and came to stay with me during the summer for a few weeks. We took a road trip, and in the car songs would come on and I’d say, “Who is this?” She knew them all, and 50% of them were names I didn’t recognize.

  14. jeandayfriday 11/13/2013 at 6:30 am #

    I laughed out loud at this post! I completely agree with all – in fact, I called Verizon this past week about a random fee of six bucks and they removed it. ;)

  15. javaj240 11/13/2013 at 6:34 am #

    I’m staring 50 in the face, so, yeah, I’ve noticed LOTS of things have changed as I’ve aged. Mostly, though — and this is weird — I have more patience for some things and NONE for others. Back to the whole “you are wasting my valuable time” thing again, LOL!

    In terms of bands, I try to stay current. And, by “current” I mean that I’ve just discovered come new bands, namely, “Cold Play”, “Radiohead”, and “The Killers”. So, yeah, I’m pretty “hip”!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:28 pm #

      We are the same person, aren’t we? I’ve noticed that my patience for certain things grow while my patience for others is lessening. Why is this? The scream of a child doesn’t bug me as much as it used to, but teenagers talking in those valley girl voices bugs the crap out of me.

      • javaj240 11/14/2013 at 9:30 pm #

        OMAGAWD, YAH.

  16. omtatjuan 11/13/2013 at 6:42 am #

    At 51…. You regret ever buying that life insurance policy at 31..
    At 51…. You see a beautiful 31 year old woman and say, “She’s young enough to be my daughter.”
    At 51… You start to drink Probiotic drinks and think they taste good…
    At 51… A co-worker says he was born the year you started working for the company…
    Oh God I can’t take the pain… Take me now…

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:29 pm #

      I like probiotic drinks. We should totally hang out and clean our poopers together sometime.

      • omtatjuan 11/14/2013 at 9:32 pm #

        Yes… And when they ask you “What did two do one your first date….?” You better say we saw Wicked… Colon cleansing…second date:) You got talent my friend!

        • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:35 pm #

          I think once you’ve cleaned our your bowels the next step is marriage. There really is nowhere else to go from there.


          • omtatjuan 11/14/2013 at 9:37 pm #

            I truly have no come back for your last statement… Checkmate.. Oops I knocked over the board…

          • omtatjuan 11/14/2013 at 9:43 pm #

            Hey, whoever has you in their life better know they are lucky. You are incredibly smart and witty…. Hasta lombego..

          • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:50 pm #

            Thanks, omt. I’ll be sure to tell all of my potential suitors they’ll have to deal with you if they step out of line.

          • omtatjuan 11/14/2013 at 9:54 pm #

            Yes refer them to me! I can pinch like no ones business! I can bully them with my sharp tongue too…

  17. Katie 11/13/2013 at 6:46 am #

    Oh, you’re never too young or too old to wrangle chin hairs or call someone to bitch about a fee. I’ve been droppin’ the, “I can take my business elsewhere,” since age 18.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:29 pm #

      “I can take my business elsewhere” is a line I wish I had known years ago. It’s amazing how dropping the competition’s name also helps.

  18. elinwaldal 11/13/2013 at 7:26 am #

    A number of our family members died young, knowing they would take wrinkles and yes even chin hairs, for a chance to see another birthday has for sure kept us focused on celebrating the birthdays we get to have.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:30 pm #

      Such a great outlook, and so true. Premature death really puts vanity into perspective!

  19. Nicole Marie 11/13/2013 at 8:14 am #

    Is it bad that at 25 I related to almost all of the 31 year old scenarios? Does this mean by the time I’m actually 31 ill be 37? It probably has something to do with being married to a 40 year old ;) although sometimes I swear I’m older than him.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:31 pm #

      You’re in a good position because you still look 25, but aren’t as dumb as most of us were when we were 25.

  20. MakeWayForLindaJ 11/13/2013 at 8:16 am #

    Jen –

    LOVE this blog idea – too funny! I just turned 40 this year, and like you, I really don’t mind being my age. There are definite perks: a little wiser, more comfortable in my own skin, less apt to give a shit what people think about me, etc.

    Here are a few of the biggest differences I’ve noticed…..

    20: Shop for lacy bras at Victoria’s Secret.
    40: Shop for old lady “minimizer” bras in department stores, but keeps it a secret.

    20: What do you mean girls get facial hair?
    40: Competing with my husband to see who has the sexiest 5 O’Clock shadow.

    20: Don’t trust anyone over the age of 30!!
    40: Don’t trust anyone under the age of 30…. especially near my car, house, wallet, or teenage daughter.

    20: If it’s too loud, you’re too old!!
    40: Turn that shit down before I beat you to death with your own radio.

    20: Get embarrassed about trips to the gynecologist.
    40: Are genuinely curious about all the crazy shit that’s happening down there, and join your doctor during his explorations like you two are the vaginal equivalent of Lewis & Clark.


    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:32 pm #

      Legit just laughed out loud! I also buy minimizer bras which is basically saying you don’t care about sex appeal anymore. But damn, are they comfortable.

      Also, I’ve noticed that I am also really curious about what is happening down there. I told my gynecologist that I feel like my vagina is trying to communicate with me by acting up all of a sudden.

  21. stace8lynn 11/13/2013 at 8:20 am #

    Jen, I could SO relate to this post and was laughing out loud throughout the whole thing. I, too, am usually not bothered by birthdays but three days ago I turned 25 and this one got to me. Of course, it’s not so much about the actual number as it is about where I thought I’d be when I hit this number. I am “status post breakup” and graduate school withdrawal, wondering what comes next. Every month brings a new shower for another friend having a baby or a wedding or a baby and a wedding and then there’s me…but then again, I know a lot of my in-the-process-of-getting-married friends are sometimes envious of my glorious freedom (and I admit, I love it too!) so there are pros and cons. Anyway, I swear the day after I turned 25 my forehead wrinkle was a little deeper and I saw more gray hairs popping up than I care to admit. It’s happeningggggg!!! I guess what I want to know, moving forward, is why can’t I have a guy who is in a band and ALSO won’t ruin my credit score?? Is that too much to ask!?

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:34 pm #

      I had a freakout at 25 as well, and I think for the reasons you mentioned. My whole life was in flux at a time when so many people I know settled down. Interestingly, a lot of those people are now in flux, and I’m more settled even though I’m still in transition. Life has a funny way of working out.

  22. Carrie Rubin 11/13/2013 at 8:23 am #

    The main way I feel my age catching up to me is that I sweat the small stuff so much less than I used to. It’s much harder to ruffle me. Well, that and the fact that my knee cartilage is thinning thanks to years of high-intensity exercise. That kind of sucks.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:35 pm #

      Creaky knees! And yes, I’ve noticed that certain smaller things don’t grate my nerves as much as they used to. I can’t wait until I’m super Zen because I would kind of love that.

  23. Melanie 11/13/2013 at 8:24 am #

    25: No bras, no worries. 35: No bras, do laundry.
    25: First cup of coffee at Noon. 35: Stop drinking coffee at Noon.
    25: Spend $120 for one dress. 35: Spend $120 for four dresses.
    Yup. Life has changed.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:37 pm #

      Yes, yes, yes! When I was younger I remember loving the idea that I could purchase nice things. Now I pride myself on finding a good deal.

  24. mytwistedroad 11/13/2013 at 8:27 am #

    21: Dated long term. Way past the expiration date.
    31: Quickly breaks it off. I know when this isn’t going anywhere.

    21: Dad, can I have some money?
    Drove a fancy sports car that I couldn’t afford.
    31: Dad: Can I borrow some money?
    Paid off car and it is a multi use vehicle.

    21: Got dragged into the Party. What? School, then a 6 hr drive to Vegas with our BFs, an all day meeting at UNLV, and partying after. Sure!!! :-)

    31: Only goes out for REAL special occasions. Mentally prepares for how tired I’ll be the next day.

    21: Too many. I “thought” I really knew them.
    31: Can count them with my hands. I “know” I know them well.

    Have any friends that are still living like they are 21?

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:38 pm #

      I have a few, but most of the people who kind of got frozen in time got left behind. We ended up growing apart because we were at such different places in our lives.

      And about the dating thing…yes! When you’re younger you tend to hold on to something for far too long. I’m not perfect in this arena, but I’m much closer than I was then.

  25. daniheart21 11/13/2013 at 8:46 am #

    I might have to steal this one being that I turn 50 this year. I love this. So funny, and so true how things change. Some pretty cool things have come and gone in my lifetime so far. It’s weird to be able to say that you have seen the rise and fall of some major technological advances. :)

  26. The Byronic Man 11/13/2013 at 9:01 am #

    One of the things that surprises me most is when I’ve found myself somewhere with people in their early 20’s. I would have expected to feel like ‘Wow, I miss this. Oh, to be young and care free and blah de blah!’ but instead I mostly felt like they were just so tedious and insecure and really, really dumb. I’m glad they’re having fun but, yeesh.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:40 pm #

      THIS. SO MUCH THIS. I thought for sure I’d be that weird girl standing around at a college party, trying to pretend she’s young enough to hang out there. Now I go to bars and I think, “Put on more clothes! You’re drinking too much! Are you old enough to be here?”

      • mytwistedroad 11/14/2013 at 10:25 pm #

        Excellent comments Byronic and Jen. I thought I was just getting older, but it was just that I was getting wise.

        I think next time I’m invited to a “kid’s” birthday, I’ll have to kindy decline. I’m too old for the loudness, drama and the bullsh**! ;-)

  27. Brother Jon 11/13/2013 at 9:05 am #

    Yeah, this is funny because it’s true. I’ll be turning 32 in a couple of months so I know exactly what you’re talking about. For the music, now I catch everything on the top 40 stations….I used to listen to hard rock radio, Metallica, Korn, Tool, Limp Bizkit. Now those are a bunch of things that give me indigestion.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:41 pm #

      I used to love loud rap music, but now it thumps so deeply that I can feel it in my chest, and it makes me uncomfortable.

      • Brother Jon 11/15/2013 at 7:17 am #

        Oh, I still like rap music, but not too loud. I almost picked up the new Eminem album yesterday. I really like Flo Rida and Mackelmore too.

  28. EuphonicCharity 11/13/2013 at 9:14 am #

    I cried when I turned 25 because it meant that I was closer to 30 than 20. But it really hasn’t been so bad. Save for the fact that I just realized a Disney Movie that came out when I was a kid (and that still bears “new” connotations in my mind) is over a decade and a half old. @_@

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:42 pm #

      During Halloween, the movie “Hocus Pocus” came on a bunch of times, and one of the channels was doing a 20th anniversary special for it. 20 YEARS. Made me feel reeeeaallllyyy old.

  29. writerwendyreid 11/13/2013 at 9:25 am #

    First of all, Happy Birthday Jen! xo Speaker7 is also celebrating a birthday this week. Your posts are so funny. In fact, I like this one so much that I might borrow the theme for a future post if you don’t mind. I’ve noticed though, when I read yours, that I am STILL doing a lot of the things I did when I was young…and I’m turning a fuck of a lot older than 32 next spring. Maybe it’s my “I outright refuse to get old” attitude. I can’t see myself ever changing that, in fact, it gets stronger as I get older. I came into this world kicking and screaming and covered in blood and that’s the way I’m going to leave dammit! :-p

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:43 pm #

      Oh, absolutely, use it for a future post.

      You are definitely a little pistol so it is NO surprise that you are still very youthful. I was also born 20 so I think I’ve always been an old fart compared to everyone else my age.

      • writerwendyreid 11/17/2013 at 8:32 pm #

        Thanks..and I’m sure that’s not true. xo

  30. Author Catherine Townsend-Lyon 11/13/2013 at 10:03 am #

    WHAT a *KICK ASS* breath of fresh air your blog is! Love your honesty and “Tell it like it is” attitude. I will always be a “Work in Progress” as I’ve been in recovery almost 7 years, AND, live with mental illness. I have about 20yrs on you as I turn 51 the end of this month. What do I have to say about that?……AGE is nothing but a number! “SO BRUNG IT”!…LOL….I’m a new FAN, and will Visit Often! :-) Author, Catherine Lyon :-)

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:44 pm #

      Thanks, Catherine! And you’re right, age is nothing but a number. I definitely see myself as someone who is on the geriatric side, but sometimes I bust out and do the craziest things that someone should have outgrown by now. Like when my roommate bends over and I make a farting noise. Kills me every time.

      • Author Catherine Townsend-Lyon 11/15/2013 at 10:21 am #

        LOL…LOL…*AWESOME*!! Yes, I may live life in *Recovery* But I DO LOVE LIFE and LAUGH at it at times TOO! Hugs! *Cat* :-) :-)

  31. meltycheese 11/13/2013 at 10:05 am #

    SO true!
    I turned 33 a couple weeks ago and wrote a parody song of Taylor Swift’s 22 called 32 for my blog. Things have definitely changed…
    I just started following your blog the other day after your freshly pressed article. I’m really enjoying it. Thanks for the laughs!

  32. Psychobabble 11/13/2013 at 10:12 am #

    Word to all of those. Especially the $5 fee thing. They will feel my rage through the phone.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:46 pm #

      Me: “What is this $7.50 for?”

      Comcast guy: “Boost fee.”

      Me: “No.”

      CG: “No?”

      Me: “Yeah, no. Not paying it. I hate booster shots. I hate booster chairs. I hate booster fees.”

      CG: “um…okay?”

  33. Soul Walker 11/13/2013 at 10:54 am #

    I really haven’t. I have only noticed me catching up to my age. When I was a child people told me I was an old man trapped in a child’s body. When reached double digits people told me I had an old soul. When I was in highschool a teacher regularly called me “old boy” on purpose (it was not a joke and we both knew who Lao Tzu was). I haven’t noticed any real changes now that I am 34. My body hurt when I was ten; it hurts now. I had pain and grief then; I have pain and grief now. I liked to laugh then; I like to laugh now. I think that now I am just a bit more tired than when I was twenty-one… although, I’m not completely sure about that…

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:53 pm #

      Interesting that you feel like you’ve caught up to your age. You must have a COMPLETELY different perspective on aging that most people.

      • Soul Walker 11/15/2013 at 12:04 am #

        Not caught up… slowly catching up. But still, you are probably right. Also, get off my lawn.

  34. La La 11/13/2013 at 11:01 am #

    Soon we are going to have full beards. I just know it.

  35. michellestodden 11/13/2013 at 11:10 am #

    Yes, yes, yes– except for the guy in the band thing. I’m a magnet for men with guitars. I have no clue why they gravitate toward me. Accountants, not so much. I must repel numbers and logic. So… I take what I can get.
    I turned 40 in June and I am happier than ever. I definitely need more sleep than I used to (although I do have the Maya to help exhaust me), I can’t drink like I used to (nor do I want to), and I have to keep a closer eye on my diet, but I feel better now than when I was in my twenties and thirties– especially mentally and emotionally. I’m far more balanced.
    The one thing I can’t seem to do is become an old lady music-wise. I love music and stay fresh by checking out new indie rock/alt rock/whatever on songza. In fact, when we were visiting Maya’s dad, his teens were giving pop quizzes on which band was playing overhead at a hip restaurant and I could answer all. He couldn’t answer any. Yeah, I know, I know… but it’s the small wins for me.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:55 pm #

      Accountants seem like the sexual equivalent of a mop. Sorry to all accountants out there who are tigers in the sack!

      I am going to have to consult with you on new music so I can stay hip. It’s tragic how much Phil Collins I listen to.

  36. oldmainer 11/13/2013 at 11:48 am #

    Growing old is like riding a roller coaster. There are highs and lows, laughter and tears, and sometimes, you pee yourself a little bit.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:55 pm #

      The circle of life. You start this life peeing yourself, and end it that way.

  37. biancacmarais 11/13/2013 at 12:55 pm #

    “She is guilty of being old as fuck”. Classic! That’s going to keep me tittering for a while. I like getting older – I find it takes the pressure off. Also amazing how your definition of “old” changes every few years. I’ve now decided that 97 is old.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:57 pm #

      I remember when my older cousins were turning 30 and I thought, “Holy crap. Just kill me if I get that old.” Now I think, “60? Spring chicken!”

  38. beckysaysthings 11/13/2013 at 1:48 pm #

    Ohhhh so true. I am 28. Two things have started happening more frequently recently: 1) I find myself having intense discussions about electricity bills, boilers, where to buy the best spatulas, and the annoyance of ovens that don’t heat up quickly enough. 2) I find myself doing that classic middle aged thing of holding words far away from my face, making a very peculiar scrunched up expression and saying ‘Is it dark in here?’
    Hello, age. Happy birthday Jen x

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 9:58 pm #

      Oh, totally. I got excited when I went shopping and they had cookware on sale. I came home to my roommate and proudly boasted a new pan, and a set of ramekins.

      What has happened to me?

  39. kelsgonebush 11/13/2013 at 3:37 pm #

    I knew I was past it when Nirvana came on the easy listening channel :/ lol Xx

  40. Paul 11/13/2013 at 3:38 pm #

    I just turned 33 in October and Lou 34 a fortnight ago and although I still feel fairly young some things have definitely changed. Dressing gown, pj’s and slippers are a must and I can sleep round the clock at weekends through choice rather than hangover. I’ve noticed that things that made me depressed at 18 now seem like comedy and the gut I wish I’d had at 18 ( I was 8 stone until the age of 22) won’t budge irrespective of diet and exercise. I have the back of a gorilla and am noticing more grey hairs. I definitely feel happier at this age though. I like the contentedness of mid 30’s life in not worrying about girls etc. Just wish I could press pause and stay 33.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:00 pm #

      I need a dressing gown. People in the US don’t wear them like you guys do across the pond. I need to invest in one for sure.

      It’s amazing how, despite things sort of “breaking down” how much better people feel as they get older. I’d love to freeze myself in time too.

  41. Kylie 11/13/2013 at 4:26 pm #

    Girl–I’m going to be 40 in a couple weeks. FOOOORRRRTTTYYYYY. You are a baby. A mere baby. I felt old at that age. I believe my exact terminology was “faded” but little did I know. So little.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:00 pm #

      I can’t imagine what I’ll be like at 40. Surely I will have invested in a perm by then.

      • Kylie 11/15/2013 at 9:21 am #

        Well, if you’re like me, you may be “lucky” enough to have random, public-like, white hairs sprouting out from your head at all angles. Invest in hats. Hats, Jen. Hats.

  42. georgia + darlin' 11/13/2013 at 5:44 pm #

    bah!! this made me chuckle; it’s all true. i just had a panic moment when i read this, too. i said aloud, “wait, georgia, am i 31 or 32!?” my first moment of losing track. is this a bad sign? i’m 32, by the way. i think the year we “forget” equals the year we are in denial! // happy early birthday!! may you find a man with a credit score of 800.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:01 pm #

      YES! I might be in denial. Maybe I’m conveniently “forgetting” my age. Oh, and wishing me luck in finding a man with a credit score of 800 is an amazing present.

  43. PinotNinja 11/13/2013 at 7:39 pm #

    I am really good at forgetting that I am 33 until about 7:30 am on a Saturday morning, when my very crabby old lady body likes to remind me that I can no longer booze, dance, and eat pizza into the wee hours of the night without having serious repercussions that involve rummaging through my medicine cabinet for such sexy gems as tums and excedrin while cursing with a voice that sounds like that of an 88 year old smoker. It’s really a special level of pathetic. What happened to the days when I could do that on a Tuesday and then roll straight into work like it was no big thing?

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:02 pm #

      I was just talking to someone about that the other day! How I used to party all night like a rockstar, and then work the next day. Now if I don’t get at least 7 hours of sleep I feel like death warmed over.

  44. Seven 11/13/2013 at 8:04 pm #

    Your way to young to be worried about saggy breasts and facial hair.
    Give it a few decades.

    And yes with being sixtyish comes a certain maturity either that or senility.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:03 pm #

      In a few decades I’ll be kicking my tits around. 60 is the new 50 is the new 40 is the new 30 is the new 20. WORK IT.

  45. legendarypurple 11/13/2013 at 8:07 pm #

    It sure has. I get mad at young people more easily. Also, I hate their music. :-)

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:03 pm #

      I know. I seriously don’t understand a lot of new music these days.

  46. REDdog 11/13/2013 at 8:08 pm #

    What is it they reckon? Growing old is inevitable but growing up isn’t…
    21.drink like a fish…41. drink my 21 yo fish-arse under the table…
    21.fight like 10 men…41.is 10 men all you got?
    21.make hundreds of women fall in love with me…41.make my wife fall in love with me hundreds of times.
    Old age? Easy peasy

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:04 pm #

      “41: make my wife fall in love with me hundreds of times.” Sounds like you totally get what aging is all about. Love that.

  47. glendaherdman 11/13/2013 at 8:44 pm #

    I am 52 in a couple of weeks. Aging is a natural thing. Even though your body may be showing signs of getting older your mind just gets better. Life and aging is about how you think and feel. If you choose to feel old you will be old.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:05 pm #

      “Even though your body may be showing signs of getting older your mind just gets better.” Great way of putting it, and exactly why I’m not afraid of getting older.

  48. mabukach 11/13/2013 at 8:44 pm #

    This. So much this. We are so kindred spirits. Nothing like a warm glass of milk whilst watching that wily Matlock.
    When’s your b-day exactly? Mine’s the 24th, I’ll be 33 – and I’ll raise a nice glass of cabernet to you. I’m not allowed to do shots anymore because I wrecked my liver at 21.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:06 pm #

      We need to host a “Milk & Matlock” party. Make sure to end it by 9 so everyone can get home and in bed by 10.

      Happy pre-birthday! My birthday is the 26th. Saggittarius, unite! I’ll pour a little liquor out on your birthday.

  49. iRuniBreathe 11/13/2013 at 9:13 pm #

    Nothing wrong with Matlock reruns! That, and Law & Order, only seem to be on around bedtime. Must get home from the party to watch the ‘good’ tv shows. I like your wisdom.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:06 pm #

      LOVE Law & Order! I also used to be a huge Murder She Wrote fan.

  50. Robbie 11/13/2013 at 10:03 pm #

    I think we all have a bad tequila story…or a good tequila story that makes drinking it eveer again very very bad idea.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:08 pm #

      You’re probably right. Tequila is a tough liquor to face when you’ve had too much.

  51. stephrogers 11/13/2013 at 10:05 pm #

    Firstly happy birthday! And yeah I have noticed a lot of changes, both from childbirth and age. I have this one deep, annoying wrinkle that I can’t shift. It needs botox and fillers. Then instead of laughing uproariously at your posts I will say “Oh that’s funny” as my face remains wrinkle free and frozen as fuck. As for the facial hair, I hear you sister and laser is your new best friend. Medical grade laser, not the dodgy do it yourself kind. It really is a miracle thing.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:09 pm #

      Don’t you DARE lose that wrinkle! I think smile lines are sexy on people. Shows they have a bit of character.

      • stephrogers 11/15/2013 at 5:20 pm #

        Oh really? I hate mine. Photoshop is my friend

  52. rarasaur 11/13/2013 at 10:23 pm #

    I’m 29. I’ll sleep when I’m dead! And I’ve always been an easy-listening, eww-bars-suck-because-they-make-you-wear-pants, Matlock-watching, cable-bill-complaining person, so at least that adjustment will come easy. It’s nice watching my friends join me in my pursuits as we all age. I even knit, and darn my own clothes, and all sorts of other stuff that makes me sound 90 to people.

    But the chin hairs– gah, what is up with that? We send people to the moon and we can’t figure out how to cheaply permanently remove this stuff? La!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:10 pm #

      Why technology hasn’t caught up to the chin hair thing, I don’t know. Also, HOW DO YOU FIND TIME TO DO ANYTHING? I swear, you’re some bionic woman.

  53. ByAnUknown 11/14/2013 at 3:08 am #

    haha! I love your post! particularly now that I am also fast approaching the 3…2….
    Any advice on things to come?

  54. rachelocal 11/14/2013 at 3:57 am #

    I notice age the most in my relationships. My husband is six years younger than me and sometimes it’s so, so obvious. I also notice my age when I hang out with my friends in their mid-twenties. We do not think alike, have the same values, or treat friendships the same way. I find myself saying, “well, she’s so young” as a way to excuse their behavior. I’ve recently resolved to find some older friends!

    Overall being older is better, despite the fact that I shave my chin every morning.

    • rachelocal 11/14/2013 at 6:31 am #

      I realize now that I sound as if I’m at odds with my twenty-something friends or twenty-somethings in general. Didn’t mean it that way! Just meant that I notice that I was raised in a completely different age or generation when I hang out with them.

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:12 pm #

      I think the difference between 40 and 45 is not as obvious as 25 and 30. At certain stages in our lives those few years can make a huge difference so it’s not surprising you see yourself feeling a bit disconnected. I see that too in the blogging world. I’ll read something and think, “Oh man, I remember those times” rather than thinking, “I can relate!”

  55. shreejacob 11/14/2013 at 4:25 am #

    I just crossed 41 and yes to almost all except one…sometimes it’s beneficial to be small chested :P

    Happy Birthday to you!! :D

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:12 pm #

      You hold on to those perky boobies! They’re a gift!

      • shreejacob 11/15/2013 at 3:14 pm #

        I have never grinned + laughed at a comment as much as this one..LOL
        Yes ma’am..I shall protect and hold on to these little babies as long as I can..


        • Wheel Heung (@WheelHeung) 11/20/2013 at 11:47 pm #

          Be thankful there is a plus to having small breasts. As far as I can tell there is nothing good about having a small penis.

  56. Doggy's Style 11/14/2013 at 4:55 am #

    I love it!
    I can identify with the going out part.
    There’s no way and no power on earth that would make me go out after 9pm.
    By 11 I’m already freaking out because I gotta go to bed and watch my Golden Girls.

  57. yvonneyuenyuen 11/14/2013 at 7:37 am #

    wow, im doing all the 31 things but the sad part is i am only 23 years old..

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:14 pm #

      It means you’re more well-adjusted than most of us were at your age. You just keep being you.

  58. jeanjames 11/14/2013 at 8:45 am #

    I laughed all the way through this piece it was so funny, and so relatable. I don’t think my 21 year old self would hang out with my sorry 43 year old ass. But that’s where kids come in and can be especially helpful. Now I feel totally in touch with what’s going on vicariously through them. They keep me young. Eventually I’ll buy another Harley and start smoking again, but until then I’ll be hanging with the kids and trying to figure out what the fox says…

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:15 pm #

      The fox says, “Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!” At least that’s what my youngest sister told me…

  59. likeitiz 11/14/2013 at 10:28 pm #

    Wait! What? Mattock? You serious?

    • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:41 pm #

      I don’t fuck around when it comes to Matlock.

      • likeitiz 11/14/2013 at 10:42 pm #

        Wow. My dad would so enjoy your company. He’s a diehard fan!

        • Jen and Tonic 11/14/2013 at 10:43 pm #

          Tell pops I winked at him and say, “Wassup!”

  60. c to c friendspirations 11/15/2013 at 2:45 pm #

    Oh my goodness, I can definitely relate on most points (no chin hair here). Nevertheless, yes, things are much different now in my early 30’s as opposed to my early 20’s. I too just turned 32. Happy Birthday!

    • Jen and Tonic 11/16/2013 at 1:49 pm #

      Hey! Happy belated birthday! I am envious that the chin hairs haven’t waged war against you. I’d give anything not to look like Wolverine in the sunlight.

  61. jaklumen 11/29/2013 at 9:20 pm #

    I had to see what this post was all about.

    Totally reminded me of conversations with my wife, on this subject. She’s five years older than I am.

    Body parts: I have no idea what young Cimmy thought. But mention of “droopy boobies” now, gets me a dirty look from. Young me wanted a 6-pack. Middle-aged me just wants his pants not to fall down, and hates acid reflux.

    We did night life once upon a time. That quickly ended with children.

    Drinking: religious dietary law, but stubborn, traumatized younger me tried to get lost in booze. Wound up swearing solemn oath to wifey to never drink again because me + alcohol = scary bad times.

    Facial hair: young me= grow a beard, so I don’t look like a boy. Current me= grow a beard, so I don’t look like a boy, notice beard has silver hairs. (Mother-in-law, daughter, and Cimmy all notice current me has silver hairs on head.) Current me asks Cimmy to pluck hairs off ears.

    Young(ish) Cimmy: thought removal of upper lip hair was stupid (friends thought it would improve her dating chances). Middle-aged Cimmy: might allow jak to pluck chin hairs, but that’s it. Cimmy’s mom: has not cared for years and has visible goat hairs. I think we don’t much care either.

    • Jen and Tonic 12/01/2013 at 4:55 pm #

      “Cimmy’s mom: has not cared for years and has visible goat hairs.” I just laughed out loud.

      • jaklumen 12/02/2013 at 12:59 am #

        My mother-in-law is a wonderful woman. She keeps wanting me to call her “Mom”, but I have more respect for her than that (yeah, I have mother issues). I love her dearly, goat hairs and all.

  62. rainshadowfarm 12/09/2013 at 2:41 pm #

    I am guilty of being old as fuck. I’m so old my kids are complaining about getting old. I love your blog. Definitely following. Two out of three posts provoke me to laugh out loud. Awesome.

  63. GiggsMcGill Jill 03/04/2014 at 11:38 am #

    I don’t feel old until ladies at the bar try to set me up with their sons expressing their concern that, “you might not be able to have babies if you wait too long! What if your womb shrivels up before you have my grandchildren?!” (*Actual conversation with a patroness at my bar last night. Ooph…)


  1. Crossing the Finish Line | Sips of Jen and Tonic - 11/30/2013

    […] Top 3 posts: Things My Therapist Taught Me, 5 Stages of a Juice Cleanse,  21 vs. 31 […]

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