My name is Jennifer Sharp. My online persona is Jen and Tonic, and my friends call me Jen. My youngest sister calls me Jesher, and my hot neighbor refers to me as the girl who stares too hard when he jogs without his shirt on. These are my names.
What’s in a name anyway? I began thinking about this when I Googled myself the other day. I read an article about people losing out on jobs after employers did simple internet searches on them. It got me thinking about what someone would find out about me if they looked up my name.
What I found was appalling. They’d find next to nothing on me; instead, they’d find a wealth of information on other Jennifer Sharps around the world. These women are everywhere in internet searches because they’re doing things, and making a difference in the world. I’m writing this while wearing “Sunday Underwear” (which are called that because they’re holy as hell,) and hair that looks as though it’s terrified of brushes.
Who are these other Jens, and why are they hijacking my identity? Not only hijacking it, but making me look badly while they’re at it.
She’s not just a filmmaker. No, she’s also a director, writer, editor and producer. The closest I’ve ever come to releasing a film was the time I sold my VHS collection. This woman raised $18,000 in film funding along with another $4,500 in in-kind donations. She has screened at festivals, and won numerous awards for her work in film. She was making cinematic history while I was making Egg McMuffin runs.
This woman has one of my dream jobs. She gets to go on location and capture smiles, creating memories for families that will last a lifetime. The most notable thing I captured recently was a spider that had large fangs, and murder in its eyes. Her Facebook fan page has over 1,800 likes compared to mine which seems to have topped out at 259. The most notable thing I’ve ever caught on film was my friend’s dog taking a poop in her shoe.
She has held prestigious positions at companies that are household names. Her LinkedIn profile is so impressive that if I hadn’t done additional research, I would have thought she made it all up. Employers read her resume, and immediately figure out how to poach her from her current place of work. Employers read mine, and pass me up because they don’t think I’ll pass the drug test.
The Volleyball Player
I love playing with balls as much as the next girl, but I don’t have my own Wikipedia page, professional beach shots, or awards to show for it. While she isn’t an Olympic medalist, she and her teammate did place in a tournament a few years ago. The closest I’ve come to a volleyball in recent history is when I cried while watching Wilson float away from Tom Hanks in “Castaway”.
As my roommate told me, it’s not a competition. That’s a good thing because if it was, I’d be in last place right now. I can only hope that one day another Jennifer Sharp will Google herself, and find tons of search returns for an undeniably sexy writer with 11 best sellers to her name. What’s the point of existing on the internet if you can’t make others insecure with your presence?
I want to know: have any of you ever searched for yourself? What’s the best/worst thing you’ve found?