Real Lessons From Reality Television

I have a secret, Hooked on Tonics. It’s the kind of secret that will prevent me from running for Congress, or becoming one of Puff Daddy’s umbrella holders. The skeleton in my closet is that I am a reality television junkie. I’m an equal opportunity kind of gal which means I’ll watch just about anything, the trashier the better.

Most people think these shows are a total waste of air space, and are killing my brain cells one at a time. While I understand that position, I think those people are missing the little pieces of wisdom hidden in these programs.

Sometimes you’re simply overreacting – Real Housewives franchise

Every fight in in these shows boils down to one overly Botoxed person doing something to another overly Botoxed person, and it being completely blown out of proportion. I get it, it’s difficult to get over things when you can’t fully express yourself because your face is more frozen than a mammoth during the Ice Age. Still, these women fail to realize that they’re experiencing first world problems, and that the only person who thinks it’s an egregious error to show up in casual wear to a dinner party is themselves. Sometimes we all need to realize that “problematic” is a matter of perspective, and not a matter of fact.

There are some things you shouldn’t do for love – The Bachelor

When Meatloaf sang about doing anything for love, but not that, he must have been talking about going on The Bachelor. This show is similar to polygamy, but with less marriage, and more phrases like, “She’s such an incredible woman.” I’ll shave my legs, I’ll put on a bra that doesn’t look like it was purchased pre-Civil War, and I’ll even avoid a “that’s what she said” joke when my date mentions he fit into a tight spot while parking his big vehicle. I refuse to awkwardly stand in front of a born again virgin while he decides if he wants to give me a rose he most likely stole off of someone’s grave.

Making it work – Project Runway

I don’t want children, but if I did, I’d want them to be fathered by Tim Gunn. He’s a great dresser, incredibly supportive, well-mannered, and he shoots from the hip. Besides being a sexy little devil, Tim is known for his famous phrase, “Make it work!”  Just when the designers are ready to give up on their gowns made from shoes laces and hair from Robin Williams’s chest, Tim comes in and tells them to make it work. I think we all need to be our own Tim Gunn, pushing ourselves when we’re stuck because you never know what kind of masterpiece you can create with just a little perseverance.

Marriage is dangerous – 48 Hours Mystery, Snapped, Dateline, etc.

Most couples assume that the scariest part of their marriage will be looking back on their wedding pictures and realizing they looked like they were extras in a Billy Idol video. Based on these mystery shows, the real danger is snoring right next to you in bed. At some point in a marriage, a couple goes from picking out pillows to smothering one another with them. My advice? Don’t go on any cruises, don’t amass great wealth, and never, under any circumstance, let your partner take out a life insurance policy on you. You might as well hand them the knife, and walk into it, stabbing yourself to death.

Fess up, do you watch reality television? If so, what’s your biggest takeaway from all of those hours staring at pseudo celebrities?

Tags: 48 hours mystery, humor, life insurance policy means death, project runway, real housewives, reality television, the bachelor, tim gunn