Real Lessons From Reality Television

24 Jul

I have a secret, Hooked on Tonics. It’s the kind of secret that will prevent me from running for Congress, or becoming one of Puff Daddy’s umbrella holders. The skeleton in my closet is that I am a reality television junkie. I’m an equal opportunity kind of gal which means I’ll watch just about anything, the trashier the better.

Most people think these shows are a total waste of air space, and are killing my brain cells one at a time. While I understand that position, I think those people are missing the little pieces of wisdom hidden in these programs.

Sometimes you’re simply overreacting – Real Housewives franchise

Every fight in in these shows boils down to one overly Botoxed person doing something to another overly Botoxed person, and it being completely blown out of proportion. I get it, it’s difficult to get over things when you can’t fully express yourself because your face is more frozen than a mammoth during the Ice Age. Still, these women fail to realize that they’re experiencing first world problems, and that the only person who thinks it’s an egregious error to show up in casual wear to a dinner party is themselves. Sometimes we all need to realize that “problematic” is a matter of perspective, and not a matter of fact.


There are some things you shouldn’t do for love – The Bachelor

When Meatloaf sang about doing anything for love, but not that, he must have been talking about going on The Bachelor. This show is similar to polygamy, but with less marriage, and more phrases like, “She’s such an incredible woman.” I’ll shave my legs, I’ll put on a bra that doesn’t look like it was purchased pre-Civil War, and I’ll even avoid a “that’s what she said” joke when my date mentions he fit into a tight spot while parking his big vehicle. I refuse to awkwardly stand in front of a born again virgin while he decides if he wants to give me a rose he most likely stole off of someone’s grave.


Making it work – Project Runway

I don’t want children, but if I did, I’d want them to be fathered by Tim Gunn. He’s a great dresser, incredibly supportive, well-mannered, and he shoots from the hip. Besides being a sexy little devil, Tim is known for his famous phrase, “Make it work!”  Just when the designers are ready to give up on their gowns made from shoes laces and hair from Robin Williams’s chest, Tim comes in and tells them to make it work. I think we all need to be our own Tim Gunn, pushing ourselves when we’re stuck because you never know what kind of masterpiece you can create with just a little perseverance.


Marriage is dangerous – 48 Hours Mystery, Snapped, Dateline, etc.

Most couples assume that the scariest part of their marriage will be looking back on their wedding pictures and realizing they looked like they were extras in a Billy Idol video. Based on these mystery shows, the real danger is snoring right next to you in bed. At some point in a marriage, a couple goes from picking out pillows to smothering one another with them. My advice? Don’t go on any cruises, don’t amass great wealth, and never, under any circumstance, let your partner take out a life insurance policy on you. You might as well hand them the knife, and walk into it, stabbing yourself to death.


Fess up, do you watch reality television? If so, what’s your biggest takeaway from all of those hours staring at pseudo celebrities?

116 Responses to “Real Lessons From Reality Television”

  1. Le Clown 07/24/2013 at 5:03 am #

    It’s more like which reality show I don’t watch… Project Runway, America’s Next Top Model, Survivor. On the plus side, I did have enough of CNN, it was getting redundant…
    Le Clown

  2. speaker7 07/24/2013 at 5:13 am #

    I can’t believe you included Dateline, etc! Those shows are my crack. I will seriously flip over a table if anyone tries to change the channel when one of those shows are on.

  3. omtatjuan 07/24/2013 at 5:35 am #

    I’m more of a First 48Hours fan. As opposed to Survivor where the better lying psychopath wins. Me love TV!

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:03 pm #

      First 48 is such a good show! When I first watched it I was like, “Hey, this doesn’t look nearly as slick or sexy as Law & Order makes it seem.”

      • omtatjuan 07/24/2013 at 8:12 pm #

        Yes it is… A guy kills someone and is caught because he called a Domino’s Pizza hours later and thru triangulation they know it’s him?? Amazing.. And not one of them has a lawyer present during questioning..

  4. thefoodandwinehedonist 07/24/2013 at 5:48 am #

    I think people piss on reality shows because they all, except for maybe ice road truckers, hit way too close to home. They want to escape into a story and think they are above the people in the show. But they end up seeing the same type of asshat they work with on tv. And the kicker – those asshats actually get paid handsomely for it.

    We always end up watching those 48 hours and Dateline type things. Though one day I did watch 6 hours of Swamp People.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:04 pm #

      I haven’t seen Swamp People, but I’ve heard it’s a good time suck. I think there is truth to your statement about some people hating it because it’s too close. A friend of mine won’t watch it because it’s “beneath him” which is the same dumb asshattery he hates about the show.

  5. javaj240 07/24/2013 at 5:49 am #

    Once in a while I do watch Project Runway — I liked that “fierce” kid, LOL. And, I still contend, that if folks really want to watch a “real” housewife of New Jersey, the producers should give me a call. I could use the extra cash. LOL.

    Great post, by the way!

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:05 pm #

      Wait, are YOU a real housewife?! We need to hang out so we can fight, and then have a reunion special where we talk loudly over Andy Cohen.

      • javaj240 07/24/2013 at 8:26 pm #

        Contact Andy, I’m in!

  6. Stacie Chadwick 07/24/2013 at 5:51 am #

    I’m not big into reality TV, but I know that everything in Breaking Bad is real. I’m pretty sure opening a car wash and laundering huge amounts of cash is in my immediate future. Thanks for making my Wednesday morning all smiley, Jen…and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    • The Byronic Man 07/24/2013 at 6:53 am #

      I always – always – look at car wash places now with a suspicious/ giddily hopeful eye now.

      • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:05 pm #

        Same thing with the cleaners. How can people make a living off of pressing shirts for $1.25 a piece. DO THE MATH, I DARE YOU.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:06 pm #

      Happy birthday?! Is this just really early, or really late?

      I’ve never seen Breaking Bad. Feel free to slap me now.

  7. sistasertraline 07/24/2013 at 5:52 am #

    I, alas, have a terribly tenacious ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ habit which I call the ‘cannabis’ reality show because it invariably leads you into getting hooked on others, in my case the Real Housewives franchise (heroin) which is impossible to quit because just as one show (say OC) finishes, another bunch of extension haired, demented, middle aged, botulism/filler pumped, over privileged bitches (Atlanta perhaps) hit our screens ready to duke it out over someone not liking their weave, smiling at their boyfriend, chipping their nail polish or whatever.

    MM’s Patti Stanger in particular fascinates me though, in (a) the way she talks to people and (b) the way that they meekly accept her criticisms/condemnations/shrieking at them.

    She might want to avoid doing a Sarf London show as if she told a Brixton honey that she looked like a slut/needs to lose weight/was having a midlife crisis, she’d be picking up those veneers with broken fingers, believe me….

    Bravo is of course the dealer and should be stopped! But not until the next series of New York is aired. :-)

    Just one more series and I’ll quit, honest….

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:08 pm #

      How could I forget about the dating devil, Patti Stanger?! She is the worst. I can’t believe people fork over hundreds of thousands of dollars for her “consultation fee” or whatever bogus thing it is. Here is how I feel: if you are a millionaire and can’t get laid, YOU DON’T DESERVE TO.

      I also love that she broke off her engagement at the last minute with her last boyfriend, and then was engaged like a year later to a guy she just met. Methinks she needs to get her shit together first.

      • sistasertraline 07/25/2013 at 1:54 am #

        I’d love someone to critique her the way she does others, and perhaps send her off to one of those mad therapists she uses.

        Can you imagine any man sharing a home with her?!

  8. Carrie Rubin 07/24/2013 at 5:54 am #

    I don’t watch reality TV, but I watch enough crime dramas to make me just as guilty of being a time waster…

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:08 pm #

      Crime dramas are the best. They’re also kind of the worst because then I can’t sleep.

  9. Christopher De Voss 07/24/2013 at 6:58 am #

    I like the competition reality shows: Survivor, Big Brother, Amazing Race, etc. Nothing wrong with that.

  10. wakinyanwinyan 07/24/2013 at 7:06 am #

    I don’t watch any reality show regularly, but I have been known to (sadly) check out Read Housewives and…Keeping Up with the Kardashians, from time to time.

    What I take away from these types of shows is how shallow and vain some people in this world can afford to be. It’s kind of sad, in a way. I can’t relate to anything or anyone on these shows so I am often confused about why I can’t seem to turn the channel sometimes….

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:09 pm #

      Oh, honey, I’ve kept up with the Kardashians. There is something about the sisters’ dynamic that I love. It kind of reminds me of me and my sisters, except I’d never squirt my sister’s breast milk on my leg.

  11. Fresh Ginger 07/24/2013 at 7:10 am #

    I watch. I’m ashamed. But, I just can’t turn down the opportunity of seeing spoiled rich people act like total jerks. I get sucked into Real Housewives almost every time. We also started watching Below Deck, rich people on yachts. Just as obnoxious. Is there a Betty Ford clinic for reality tv viewers?

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:10 pm #

      WHOA WHOA WHOA. There is a show about rich people on yachts? I need to step my game up.

      • Fresh Ginger 07/25/2013 at 7:03 am #

        even better, it’s about the drunk people who serve people on yachts … white trash and ultra rich at the same time! boom

  12. El Guapo 07/24/2013 at 7:11 am #

    The one thing I’ve learned about reality shows is that I can identify, assess and disregard tehm in the time it takes me to click “next channel” on the remote.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:11 pm #

      So help me God if I get a reality tv show one day and you turn the channel…

      • El Guapo 07/24/2013 at 8:22 pm #

        I think reality shows are the Devil’s purview.

        Besides, how could I not want to miss HGTV’s “Tonight on Jen Beats The Crap Out Of Stupid People And Pours Tonic In Their Open Wounds: The DMV Lady”?
        Emmys for sure!

        • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:24 pm #

          I would love to be a traffic cop on a segue. I just think me being on a segue would be good.

          • El Guapo 07/24/2013 at 8:25 pm #

            I’ve ridden a Segue in Portland.

          • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:38 pm #


          • El Guapo 07/25/2013 at 5:27 am #

            It was fun. We went along the river, crossed along the railroad bridge, then went up along the river promenades.
            It wa a good time, about a two hour tour.

  13. rachelocal 07/24/2013 at 7:15 am #

    I’m addicted to all cooking competition shows. Eight seasons of Chopped just came on Amazon Instant Video – I’ve already watched two seasons. And I will sit all day and watch Gordon Ramsay yell at people on his million shows. (I wish he would yell at me.)

    Oh, and the one I’m a little ashamed of is America’s Next Top Model. No talking is allowed when I’m watching. It’s like art to me.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:12 pm #

      Tyra Banks is like part Deepak Chopra, part Anna Wintour in that show. I love how seriously she takes herself without acting like she is. Sometimes I just want to scream, “JUST SMILE WITH YOUR EYES SO TYRA WILL SHUTUP ABOUT IT.” (Note: I’ve practiced smizing)

  14. The Cutter 07/24/2013 at 7:46 am #

    My wife always watches the Real Housewives. I like to call it “Rich White Women Yelling at Each Other”

  15. Fat Bottom Girl 07/24/2013 at 8:59 am #

    Oh, dirty little secret. . .I too indulge in reality TV. Please don’t tell. Love watching the House Ho’s duke it out rich bitch style. Even love Hoarders, because it always gives me the incentive to clean my own hovel. Unfortunately, can’t afford satellite anymore, so am stuck with watching re-runs of My Strange Addiction on Netflix. However, ran across a piece of hillbilly delight the other night called The Fabulous Whites of West Virginia. Co-produced by Johnny Knoxville, how can you go wrong?? ;)

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:14 pm #

      Hoarders is a train wreck for me. I never want to watch it, but if I catch a glimpse of it I can’t look away. The thought of my dead cats just being buried beneath a pile of stuff I’m laying on top of makes me sick. I don’t even like it when my magazines pile up.

      • Fat Bottom Girl 07/25/2013 at 5:29 am #

        I have a hard time with the dead animals too. :( I freak out every once in awhile if I have too much stuff stacked on a table, and will just push it all off on the floor, forcing me to do something with it.

  16. shalilah2002 07/24/2013 at 9:01 am #

    I don’t watch these shows because I want to go through the TV and tell them to go to anger management and other things. I am hooked on Dance Moms and get angry at the Moms and the teacher for yelling at the kids. My blood pressure is still up from the last show.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:14 pm #

      That lady on dance moms is cray cray. All of those people are off their rockers.

  17. Ned's Blog 07/24/2013 at 9:07 am #

    Admittedly, I am a big fan of Hell’s Kitchen. Only because it brings back so many fond memories of my years as a chef. Not that I yelled a lot…

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:15 pm #

      You were a chef? Did you make desserts with those tiny torches? That is my only motivation in being a chef, using one of those things.

      • Ned's Blog 07/25/2013 at 6:46 am #

        Oh yeah, torching a brûlée was my favorite. Mostly because it sounds like something from one of those naughty self-help books. Seriously though, that was always fun. I knew one chef who always lit his cigar with one. Until he lost his mustache.

  18. daniheart21 07/24/2013 at 9:14 am #

    We watch survivor and The X Factor. That’s pretty much it as far as reality tv goes. That life insurance policy made me laugh..cause we do watch Who the Bleep Did I Marry? lol

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:16 pm #

      I can’t do X Factor being Howie Mandel really bugs me. There’s something so obnoxious about his bald head.

      • daniheart21 07/24/2013 at 10:01 pm #

        Howie’s on America’s got talent. X Factor has Simon Cowel and Demi Lavato and 2 other chicks. Love X Factor.

        • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 10:40 pm #

          Oh damn! Too many shows for me to remember!

          • daniheart21 07/25/2013 at 7:58 am #

            lol. there are too many shows…

  19. Soul Walker 07/24/2013 at 9:49 am #

    I like watching “The Amazing Race.” I only really like watching it with friends and family, though. I can’t really enjoy it alone.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:16 pm #

      I’ve only seen that show twice, and one of the episodes was where that girl got hit in the face with the watermelon when she tried to use a slingshot.

  20. Elyse 07/24/2013 at 9:50 am #

    My TV and my head both explode whenever one of those shows comes on. Or most other things, too, now that I think about it.

  21. michellestodden 07/24/2013 at 12:20 pm #

    Do HGTV shows count as reality tv? Totally hooked on Income Property. The show’s host/home contractor, Scott McGillivray, makes me school-girl giddy. Same with Kitchen Cousins.
    Hoarders/Hoarding: Buried Alive sucks me in every time. Bonus: by the end of the episode, my home is spotless.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:17 pm #

      I love HGTV! It makes me want to get super handy and build myself a desk. That’s probably why I have all of this plywood laying around.

  22. Is Everyone an Idiot but Me? 07/24/2013 at 12:55 pm #

    I do love reality tv, if only to marvel at how some people act. It is a little insulting though when people act so over the top that it’s obvious they are just putting on a show for the cameras. Come on, give us some credit, we are not that gullible!

  23. UndercoverL 07/24/2013 at 1:07 pm #

    I love you, Jen. Guilty of it all, I am!

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:18 pm #

      I wish we lived closer to each other so we could watch them together. Real Housewives party!

  24. reneejohnsonwrites 07/24/2013 at 2:21 pm #

    I’d rather watch nothing at all than to have to pollute my brain with the rantings of some of these ‘contestants’ or whatever it is they call themselves. Dancing with the Stars isn’t so bad I suppose. There are guidelines and parameters and something is being taught and hopefully learned. Project Runway fits that category too – something tangible comes as a result. But I’d rather have needles in my eyeballs than to have to listen to the ‘housewives’, ‘tiara toddlers’, or the ‘bachelorettes’. Yikes.

    • calahan 07/24/2013 at 3:06 pm #

      I was writing my own response, then saw this and decided, “No, I won’t respond. Renee already said what I wanted to.” Thanks for saving me from typing, Renee!

      • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:21 pm #

        Um, when we hang out we are totally watching Real Housewives of Gilroy.

        • calahan 07/24/2013 at 10:18 pm #

          Only if we get to eat lots of garlic.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:21 pm #

      I can’t watch Dancing with the Stars. There’s something so sad about washed up actors trying to dance. Some are surprisingly good, but most…I just hope the paycheck was worth it.

      Project Runway is probably the best reality show on television.

  25. persephone2013 07/24/2013 at 4:34 pm #

    Ok, I’ll fess up. For some reason I love Gordon Ramsey and Kitchen Nightmares. When he goes ballistic on the people who ask for his help and then don’t want to make any of the changes he suggests, you just want to slap the people silly. Because I can’t get in their face or bitch slap them, I love that Gordon does it for me. They don’t get that they are insane: doing the same thing every day, making no changes, and expecting a different outcome.

    Oh, and I like Tabatha Takes Over, and have recently discovered Bar Rescue.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:22 pm #

      I freaking LOVE Tabatha. Everything she has ever been on, or hosted, has been awesome. Even when she was on Shear Genius she stole the show, and she was a contestant!

  26. sassypanties 07/24/2013 at 7:43 pm #

    I watch them. I’m not that proud about it because I’m certain my hubby is having conversations about me behind my back with his friends like, “I’m so proud…I walked into the living room and she was watching Dog the Bounty Hunter…AGAIN!”

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 8:22 pm #

      Maybe he’s saying, “My wife was watching this show about really crazy wives, and I realized she isn’t so bad.”

  27. List of X 07/24/2013 at 10:31 pm #

    I’ll just take your lessons without actually watching any of these shows, thank you very much.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 10:40 pm #


      • List of X 07/24/2013 at 10:44 pm #

        All of it?? like 1000 channels 24/7/365? I feel overwhelmed just looking at my Netflix instant queue.

        • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 10:46 pm #

          Don’t watch the show Hoarders then. All those dead bodies and mold living beneath newspapers from 1978-present day overwhelms ME.

          • List of X 07/24/2013 at 10:48 pm #

            Ok, now we’re getting somewhere – from 1000 channels on 24/7/365 to 1000 channels 23.5/7/365…

          • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 10:50 pm #

            Just take it one step a time. Eventually, you too can be a junkie.

          • List of X 07/24/2013 at 10:53 pm #

            I am already a junkie – a WP junkie. TV can only replace my addiction.

          • Jen and Tonic 07/24/2013 at 10:56 pm #

            Stay strong, my friend.

  28. Katie 07/25/2013 at 2:57 am #

    I’m so glad someone else shares my position on reality TV. I also humbly submit this piece of wisdom that I’ve gleaned from watching Bad Girls Club on Oxygen: snatching someone’s extensions or throwing precious overpriced mixed drinks on them is the best way to solve a problem.

    Also, I want to Tim Gunn to be my mentor.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/25/2013 at 10:53 pm #

      Bad Girls Club is one of those shows that is truly a train wreck situation for me. I don’t want to watch it, but I have to. Also, Tanisha is my favorite girl from any of the seasons. SO MUCH CLAPPING.

  29. Monk Monkey 07/25/2013 at 3:42 am #

    No I don’t watch any but I would watch a show where everyone had your face posted on it. I call it Jen Around the World and – nah that’s crap. But it is funny when you stick your face on other faces. You did that in this post! And in some other ones too. PS: Flower and flour are homonyns which is a homonym of hommonim.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/25/2013 at 10:54 pm #

      I’m just going to start posting blog entries that are nothing but my face pasted on other people’s bodies.

      • Monk Monkey 07/27/2013 at 2:22 am #

        Please do! Have you ever done the hoff or is that sacreligious?

  30. PinotNinja 07/25/2013 at 5:09 am #

    If its on Bravo, its on my television. I cannot get enough of the Real Housewives, Princesses, Tabatha, Patti, etc. When I feel like classing it up, then I’ll put on Top Chef. Because that IS classy damn it.

    And, Tim Gunn. I would follow that man to the ends of the earth so long as every once in a while he threw me an “Andre? What happened to Andre?” and “Designers!”

    I mean, how is this not one of the best moments of modern American television:

    • Jen and Tonic 07/25/2013 at 10:56 pm #

      Santino’s impression of Tim NEVER gets olds. The part where he’s doing the robot motion kills me. That’s probably my favorite season of all the seasons.

      Also, I totally heard Tim’s voice in my head for, “Designers!”

      Bravo is like the heroine of reality television.

  31. Ashley Austrew 07/25/2013 at 7:20 am #

    I want a Tim Gunn. Everyone wants a Tim Gunn. Heidi Klum better pay him a lot because he kind of makes that show for me.

    Those Dateline, etc. murder mystery shows? Yeah, I watch way too many of those. Sometimes I look at my husband and think, “Man, he seems so normal. That’s going to make it really weird when he flips out and unexpectedly murders me someday.”

    • Jen and Tonic 07/25/2013 at 10:57 pm #

      HAHA!!! I used to look at my ex-boyfriend and say, “You know, I’d just GIVE you the money if you needed it. You don’t have to murder me. Just say you might kill me if I don’t give it to you, and I will.”

  32. She's a Maineiac 07/26/2013 at 4:47 am #

    Big Brother. I’ve seen every season. My kids love to watch it too. It’s a great lesson for them. I point to whoever happens to be up on the screen and say, “See that, kids? Never act like that in real life.”

    • Jen and Tonic 07/28/2013 at 1:06 pm #

      Big Brother is kind of like living with your family, only it’s all the relatives you hate. The racist uncle, the promiscuous cousin, the hillbilly aunt. And yes, it’s an excellent PSA for kids.

  33. BrainRants 07/26/2013 at 5:10 am #

    Precisely why I watch science shows and things narrated by Morgan Freeman.

  34. Adam S 07/27/2013 at 8:12 am #

    Don’t ask me why, but I used to watch Tabitha Takes Over – religiously. I think it’s because it was so perfectly balanced with complete weirdos from both ends of the spectrum.

    • Jen and Tonic 07/28/2013 at 1:05 pm #

      When she was on Shear Genius, she was the STAR of the show. She was even better than the host. I want to get drunk with her.

      • Adam S 07/28/2013 at 1:24 pm #

        Careful, shes a feisty one!

  35. Rebecca "Sweet Mother" Donohue 07/28/2013 at 10:23 am #

    ohhhhhhhhh, you nailed me on that last one. it’s so strange, but i kinda love those ‘who murdered who shows.’ for some reason they are my ‘tune out and don’t want to think, but still feel like i’m watching a narrative’ kinda shows. i even watch the dominck dunne ones, which kinda suck, but i don’t care. and hold on to your hats, the wifesy and i to debut on a reality show. shhhhhh, deets, coming this fall. miss you and your blog, j and t. xoxo, sm

    • Jen and Tonic 07/28/2013 at 1:04 pm #

      WHAT?! WHAT? WHAT?! I just shit my pants with happiness.

  36. Rohan 7 Things 07/30/2013 at 2:51 am #

    Haha, awesome post! I don’t watch any telly, I’m a total TV snob. As for reality TV I watched the first season of Australian Big Brother about a million years ago and had my fill. But I hold nothing against those who like it, we all have our guilty pleasures :)

    Your lessons are all really awesome though, especially making it work!

    Thanks for the giggle and good advice Jen :)


  37. Wendy Reid 07/30/2013 at 7:27 pm #

    I don’t like reality tv…but I like you so that’s why I am here. I prefer Breaking Bad as well. And Sons of Anarchy. And Dexter. :-)

  38. travellingmo 08/04/2013 at 3:39 pm #

    I don’t really watch any reality tv, but I used to be really into Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model, because I do costumes and makeup so these fed into my interests. I agree with you that Tim Gunn is an amazing human being and the phase “make it work” is actually ligit advice!

  39. vyvacious 08/09/2013 at 12:55 am #

    This post elicited a snortle from me.

    FYI: snortle = snort + chortle <– You're welcome.

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