There is a woman here on WordPress, you may have heard of her, The Ringmistress. She is married to a guy you may also have heard of, Le Clown. Together they form an incredibly sexy and disgustingly romantic couple. They make me puke in a way only Canadians in love can.
Today is Le Clown’s birthday, and The Ringmistress thought it would be fun if she sent him on a blog scavenger hunt. You know, because nothing says love like making someone work for their birthday gift. She asked his best bloggy friends to put up posts providing clues which would help him navigate the hunt. She gave me my assignment, cracked her whip, and I started brainstorming.
My first thought was to dress up like a clown. He’s a clown, I like makeup, and my nose is already red from all of this drinking. It just makes sense to commemorate his birthday in this way.
I look good, don’t I? A little too good. My eye diamonds, my blushing cheeks, my jazz hands. You can’t upstage someone on their birthday! Back to the drawing board.
I decided I’d enlisted the help of one of my dearest friends in the word, Sylvester Stallone. I met him a few years ago through Brigitte Nielsen. She and I met in a hand-to-hand combat class, and bonded over our love of all things Flavor Flav. I asked Sylvie (that’s my pet name for him) if he could send over a picture wishing Le Clown a happy birthday.
Okay, so my “special celebrity guest” idea was a bust. No sweat, my pet. Perhaps I needed to pare it down a bit, not be so flashy. How about paying him sincere compliments? Like Herpes, compliments are the gift that keep on giving.
Le Clown, you are:
As you can see, I ran out of steam towards the end. Come on Tonic, get your head in the game. Then it hit me! I wasn’t appealing to his senses. What better way to honor a man with an ego the size of Texas (have they seceded already?) than by building him a shrine?
Oh yeah, I said it. A motherfucking shrine.
Happy birthday, Le Clown! You’re a fantastic blogger, and an even better person. You deserve all of the fanfare you receive today, and then some.
Off to your next adventure…