Every year when Christmas approaches, I get really excited. Because of Baby Jesus? No. Because of all the presents I’m going to receive? No. Because of the paid day off from work? Nope. My panties get electrified because of the salmonella-laden drink we call Eggnog.
I have a love-hate relationship with The ‘Nog. When I first see this holiday treat decorating the dairy section, I do a little happy dance right in the middle of the aisle. It looks like a cross between the Harlem Shake and the Cabbage Patch. Basically, shit gets crazy at Safeway.
Unfortunately, my enthusiasm causes me to lose my ability to judge how much eggnog I can drink before I want to die. I always go for the big carton, have a couple of glasses, and then regret my decision to purchase so much
buttermilk liquid butter of the raw egg concoction.
I let it sit in my fridge for at least a week before I’m forced to make a crucial decision. Do I guzzle the remainder of the container, or do I admit my mistake and throw it away? I’m the world’s biggest cheapskate so there’s no way I’m tossing my money down the drain like that.
Drinking the last of the eggnog is a complicated and painful process for me. It looks something like this:
Day 1: Contemplate drinking the eggnog, but watch “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” instead.
Day 2: Open carton and sniff it. Order pizza and then claim I’m too full to eat or drink anything else.
Day 3: Check the expiration date and see that I have a few more days. SCORE!
Day 4: Pray that the eggnog will magically disappear. Cuss like a sailor when I see that it’s still there.
Day 5: Drink a glass. Unbutton pants and let the bloat set in.
Day 6: Avoid the kitchen at all costs and eat a chip that fell out of my bra the night before.
Day 7: Decide to woman up, and drink the rest of the carton. I’M THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!
Today’s challenge is to tell me if you overindulge in a certain holiday treat, and how you manage to get through it.
Last, but not least, I want to congratulate Dani Heart who is Day 7′s winner! E-mail me at Sipsofjenandtonic@gmail.com to claim your prize.