NaNoWriNO Day 27
Topic: Greeting cards- the final frontier
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I didn’t intend to do another set of greeting cards as I have already done two posts like this during NaNoWriNO. In the comments section of the last post like this, a few of you requested specific/customized cards. How can I possibly say no? You guys have been kind enough to read this crap every single day for a month, the least I can do is give back a little.
To old wife from new wife (requested by UndercoverL)
Mother’s Day card for a terrible mom (requested by UndercoverL)
Early birthday card for Madame Weebles
Christmas card for Emily
Thanksgiving card for Lyssa
Final note: I am going to be making a fun little greeting card line on the side. The people have spoken, and I was listening. I’ll let you guys know when that is up and running.
Final final note: Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday yesterday. I had the craziest day ever, and haven’t gotten a chance to respond, but wanted you all to know I read each word and was very appreciative.
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Thanks to the following bloggers for making these requests:
OMG,,,your so hiliarious!!
Happy Belated Birthday Gurl!
Thank you and thank you!
That Thanksgiving card…it’s like you were there! Spooky!
Maybe I was…outside…staring in your window.
Double spooky!
Happy belated birthday! And tripping over tits has to be the greatest imagery ever created.
It’s a beautiful thing to be able to just kick your boob out of the way.
Hmmm makes me want to write a poem…any suggestions? I can spurt filth and obcenities and make them rhyme…don’t you worry about that!
The holiday season! It’s coming up, and it looks like people really want to hear cuss words in the same line about their families.
I really don’t know why you aren’t at Hallmark. When you care to send the very shittiest, just ask Jen, I say. You could also take over the channel and make movies that were about mean hooker mothers who ruin Thanksgiving and get depressed at Christmas and burn down the houses of their husband’s ex’s. Wait – they already have that on Lifetime. Nevermind.
Hey, you should totally work for Lifetime.
I would love to produce those movies! My first film would be, “My daughter got pregnant with my gardener’s baby who also happens to be my lover…but wait! He’s bisexual and also sleeping with my husband”
That’s a working title.
Brilliant. TLC actually has a show called “My teen and I are pregnant!” Yay, world!
SHUTUP! Dear god…
Yay for seizing entrepreneurial opportunity!
MONEY!!!!!!!
I love the Christmas and Thanksgiving ones. So much fun. LOL
You and Noelle will be getting some in the mail
Well, if I die tomorrow, I can honestly say I lived long enough to crap myself, cause I just did… So thanks loads < See what I did there?
I see what you did there, and I loved it.
That first one. Oh my oh my. I saved that shit right there. I even shared it with a friend whose husband is living with another woman, but won’t admit it even though we know. He’s in the Navy and stationed across the country.
WOW! He is seriously doing that? Kudos to your friend for not going psycho pants on him. I hope the card helps.
Pure genious and kudos for making a girl choke on her coffee in the morning!
I hope you recovered! Wouldn’t want anyone dying here.
I’m weeping with laughter and gratitude. WEEPING.
You can thank me in person when I’m over changing your diaper.
I have to tell you off, Jen. I am supposed to be on permanent sabbatical from WordPress because I was unkind to my husband’s ex in my previous blog and he banned me from blogging. He doesn’t know I am on WordPress again. This morning, I thought I would start my day off by looking at my stats (no, I am NOT obsessed with followers and views), and I saw this post. I tried to hold it back, but I snorted in bed. Twice. My husband asked me what I was laughing at. I lied to him, Jen. I told my husband that I wasn’t laughing, I was clearing my nostrils. I lied to my husband because your clever writing methods are too great not to laugh at. If I get divorced over WordPress, Jen, I am blaming you. (I also might subpoena you because you can tell the court that my witty writing pleases all the people who are blessed to be able to read it– all 4 of you. I might need character witnesses.)
I may be responsible for breaking up a marriage. Wow. I’m kinda digging this new responsibility and power. Is this the first step to becoming a villain in a movie? I think it is.
The boys won’t come to your milkshake because… Your. Milk. Is. Sour. (duhn, duhn, DUHN) You ARE a villain!
I am telling you right now: You could sell these! Starting crafting up some and putting them on etsy or pinterest! Do it now, woman!!
I definitely will! Promise.
They’re all hilarious, but the one for Madame Weebles is a gem indeed. May we all live that long.
I don’t need to live another day to have boobs that hit the floor. I just need to take off my bra.
Happy Birthday after your actual birthday. Now let’s see the card you sent yourself.
OOOOOOH. I like this idea. I may have to craft one and post it on my facebook page.
Yes, yes!
I could have used that Thanksgiving card a few years ago. And every year since.
*puts arm around you* we need to celebrate thanksgiving together next year.
Alright, but I mean, did you read my post from yesterday? Consider it fair warning.
I so need the Mother’s Day one. Happy belated birthday
Thanks lady! And who knows, you could be receiving EIGHT of these.
Eight?? There was a possibility of five, where did the other three come from?
I need a holiday card like no other…
‘Cause I’m a man with no sister or brother…
An “only child” limerick…
Will do me the big trick…
Until a well-written, all-purpose card that covers all forms of awkward family interaction during holidays, joyous celebrations, and all other odd ancillary social occasions is created and distributed under the catchy (and copyrighted) label, “Phonics by Tonic”.
There… that ought to do it.
(and my birthday is January 17th)
Does this mean I have to cut you in on the profits because I’m TOTALLY STEALING THAT NAME IDEA.
Oh, and I’ll remember your birthday this year. I know I really didn’t do anything huge or big or orchestrated for your last birthday.
Yeah, THAT birthday totally slipped by unnoticed.
These are AWESOME!! I would so buy one or all of these! Great job…
I’ll definitely be posting when I make these for real.
I would buy your cards, Jen. I’d use a bad check, but I’d still buy your cards.
You always know the right thing to say.
I will absolutely be buying your cards!
Omg – me too! Could you have predicted NaNoWriMo leading into a side business??
NEVER EVER.
“For when you care to send something to mediocre to someone you can’t stand”
Same as La La. I can hardly wait for your cards to come out for real. Funny as always.
I’m going to make at least $50 from this side business!
Happy belated birthday!
And I love your cards.
Thanks and thanks!
Yessss!!! This will come especially helpful next year.
I like that you’re planning ahead to destroy next Thanksgiving. It shows you’ve got determination.
Good, quality destruction always requires planning.
Funny shit! Nothing says christmas like buddy jesus and ass spreads.
Only if Buddy Jesus had a spread ass.
Res erection.
I am beyond ecstatic that you’re starting a greeting cards line. I hate all greeting cards except yours. Yours I want to make out with. Sorry if that sounds weird.
Please, make out with them all you want. I may actually include a lip imprint on the back just so you know where to go.
will you employ me in your card making sweat shop? I want to be near you.
Of course! I’ll make sure Tiny Geek is there to keep you awake during the long hours.
I so wish I had the first card for a few of my ex-boyfriends. I so quickly found out why they were such jerks. You put it great! BTW my birthday is a week today if you have another small card in you.
IT IS?! Oh man…I may have to come up with something.
From one Jen to another, a heartfelt thanks for your wonderful mini-review of my blog in Brother Jon’s recent post, http://ldsconvertblog.com/2012/11/28/sainted4/. It was so unexpected and made me feel pretty damn special. Jen xxx
Oh yes, of course! You totally deserve it. I really do love your blog, and even though I don’t always have time to comment, I always enjoy reading you.
Jen,
Yes, yes, yes! You MUST start a card business! I, too, love the one for Weebs! But all of them rock.
Cathy
I definitely will! And thanks
Great post Jen, but I’m a little disappointed that there weren’t any cards for me. It wasn’t my birthday or anything. I just crave the attention.
I need to think of a reason to celebrate you. Maybe a “thanks for being sexy” card?
hehehe….nobody’s ever thanked me for that before. Sure!
Awesome, as per usual. The “mom” one really touched me.
I’ll make sure to have that one done by mother’s day so that you can get one for all the women in your life.