NaNoWriNO Day 26
Topic: My Birthday
—————————————————————————————————————————————–
On Thanksgiving Day in 1981, a very pregnant Mexican woman (along with her feathered-haired Caucasian husband) stumbled into a hospital, and gave birth to a baby girl. They looked at her and said, “What do we call this amazing gift to humanity?” They named her Jen and Tonic.
Fast forward 31 years. Today is my birthday.
When I think about being alive for 31 years, it kind of blows my mind. I mean, I’m older than some modern day inventions:
- Windows operating system
- Apple Macintosh
- Disposable cameras
- Digital cellular phones
- Viagra (I’m older than dinosaur boners!)
- High-def television
- HTTP and HTML
- Disposable contact lenses
Basically, I’m farting dust these days.
There’s so much pressure to “go big or go home” on your birthday. Everyone wants to know what huge party you’re throwing for yourself, or what bar you’ll be going to with your friends to commemorate the day. These types of events usually end with whiskey on my breath, and crying while “Cat’s in the Cradle” plays on the jukebox.
I killed it at my birthday party last year
So what should I do this year? I know 31 is a stupid age, but I should still try and celebrate it in some way.
Maybe bowling?
Bowling ad, or description of my typical Saturday night?
Getting a makeover?
I’m calling up my local raccoon and seeing if he can help me recreate this
Going dancing?
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
Wine tasting?
Watching a local dance performance?
This dollar bill isn’t gonna stuff itself into your pants, fellas.
Oh, who am I kidding? Here’s what I most likely be doing tonight:
Keepin’ it mad classy
—————————————————————————————————————————————
I guess I should thank my mom and dad for making me. Yuck.
Jen,
Mostly. You are older than Rebecca Black, even on Mondays.
Le Clown
Jen,
Shit. I forgot my birthday gift….. Which makes my comment irrelevant…
Le Clown
I can’t believe you posted this… I am crying with tears of laugher… if you did this to me I would be so pissed though! I cannot really even begin to express how much I hate this video and song… Happy birthday Jen!
She is proof anyone can be famous these days.
This song is the soundtrack to my life.
YAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAAAAAY!! Whatever you decide to do, have lots of fun and remember you have an UNbirthday 364 days of the year, you can celebrate that lots and lots of times!! ^_^
*raises giant birthday glass* XOXO!!
PS: I couldn’t stop laughing when I read your last tag. I imagined baby jesus doing the UNTZ.
Ha, I forget to look at her tags. And unbirthdays are the best!
Ms. Alice!! You of all people would know about the unbirthdays
How cool! Want a cup of tea? *sings A Very Merry Unbirthday to You…*
I have a whole slew of unbirthday presents on my blog. And there’s always room for tea.
Perfect! I’ll be checking your blog tomorrow. Bed time here!
UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ!!!! I totally hip thrusted myself to a fantastic birthday. My room is adorned with things I’ve gotten from friends, and your cards, gift from last year, and the header artwork are all hanging up. It made me happy to look around and see such love and fun and color. Thank you for being my friend 365 days a year
Oh em gee!! I imagine your room super pretty now!! I’m SO happy you had an awesome day. Thank YOU for being a friend as well ^_^
Alles gut zum Garbutstag!!! You are younger than me by a decade if it makes you feel better….
And you’re Not older than me by a decade! =D See, not old!
Hee hee – My happiness was getting carded buying a lottery ticket – so I’m feeling better about being 41!!
Way to go! *super high five!*
hee hee…
You obviously wear your age better than I do!
immaturity keeps me young
Then I’m good to go!
Many Happy Returns! Tell your parents thanks from me while you’re at it — only don’t, because I think we should all pretend we just magically arrived via the Cabbage Patch (at least your mother never told you the date you were conceived, that made me cringe so freaking much).
Point being, my life is so much richer for your presence, and I am grateful that you are sharing a part of your journey with me.
Love you to bits and pieces and pieces and bits!
Did your mom really tell you that?! HAHA!!!!! Nine months prior to my birthday is my parents’ anniversary. I did the math on my own. YUCK.
Thank you so much for your birthday wishes. You are truly one of the greatest friends a girl could ask for. XO!
Happy Birthday Jen and Tonic — my parents almost named me the same thing back in 1962! No but seriously — I hope you kick ass today and enjoy the hell out of it!
That milkshake picture will have me laughing throughout the day thank you. I especially love the expressions on the faces of the people surrounding her — ahahahaha!
Two Jen and Tonics? Wow! My parents thought they were so original.
Happy Birthday!
Thank you!!
Small disclaimer: There are men younger than yourself needing that medication due to impotency. I do like your joke on dinosaur boners, so I hope the pharmacy technician in me has not ruined it. Though, really, it’s a Jen and Tonic joke and I am pretty sure they have an impenetrable force field. Anyway…
HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY! I hope it’s as mad classy as you are aiming for.
No, not ruined it at all! I feel sorry for young dudes needing boner pills. Seems like such a raw deal for them.
I KEPT IT MAD CLASSY!
Go on witcha bad self!
Happy day of birth. Eat all the cake and watch them cry.
I ate cake while crying. Does that count?
Not quite.
Happy birthday! And it really doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you have fun! That’s the motto!
I thought YOLO was the motto?
You’re five years younger than I am. Shut up. That being said, it’s sad how many things are younger than we are. What do you MEAN the Internet hasn’t been here forevers?
The internet did not exist before Al Gore waived his wand and invented it.
Happy birthday, Jen! I’ll be 31 in January so you’ll have to tell me what it’s like so I can be prepared. Hope you have an awesome day!
So far my bones have cracked and I had to pay my optometry bill. Very exciting stuff.
Happy Day, Jen!!
Thank you so much
Cell phones, HDTV, Windows…ha! When I was born there were only 48 states! Happy birthday Jen! Have fun!!!
lol at Society Red.
They had to add two more to fit in your awesomeness.
Damn! I like that!
Happy Birthday Jen. I feel really old now. lol
Dani, we’re only as old as our youngest friends.
So you’re 18? Can I be your cougar?
You had to ask?
Don’t feel old! On the internet, everyone is the same age.
The last option. Definitely. But in long johns of course. I think Le Clown would be somewhere in a window creepily watching you smoke too.
What if he was in YOUR long johns while watching me smoke?
Mind blown…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Thanks
Or as I like to say on my natal anniversary, “another year, shot to hell.”
Happy birthday, Jen, and I hope it’s a lot more fun than you would even dare to dream!
I read this comment on my birthday, and I said “another year, shot to hell” whenever anyone asked me how I felt. Now everyone wants to stage an intervention.
Ha! See, all my friends buy me sympathy drinks when I do that.
Happy Birthday, Jen! Enjoy! Do you whatever you want. Thirty-one is an excellent age.
I’m like a fine wine! I get more bitter by the year.
Please, I could almost be your mother. And as your almost-mother, I’d advise you to get laid and loaded on your birthday. But whatever you do, enjoy it!
I got loaded and then laid myself. It was the best I could do on short notice.
A very happy birthday Jen! 31… psh… you’re a baby! Super young!
Is that why I still suck my thumb?
Happy Birthday!! I agree with Madame Weebles. And also you should make someone take you to your favorite restaurant.
Thank you! I ended up doing absolutely nothing which was what I wanted. Face mask, soaking in the tub, reading a book. Was very nice.
Do you sing Harry Chapin at any old Karaoke night or is it only on your birthday? Inquiring minds must know! Also, Happy Birthday! Thanks Jen’s Mom and Dad!
(It’s not as gross for me to think about as it is for you…)
I can do either or. I’m very flexible that way. I guess I should thank my mom and dad for getting drunk and forgetting to use protection.
Happy Birthday Jen! I really don’t see why you can’t accomplish all of these things today, on the wings of a unicorn.
I tried, but I’m just not coordinated enough.
Happy Birthday, Jen. Your immaculate conception is celebrated in California, today.
In the name of the Lord, Ajen.
We will thank your parents for producing you! Happy Birthday Jen, if it helps, I’m way older than you are. I could have driven your parents to the hospital for the big event.
That would have been very nice of you! My dad could have focused all of his attention on my mom who was surely screaming, “GET THIS THING OUT OF ME.”
Happy bday Jenn! On the bright side, you’re younger than Demi Moore. She’d give every painkiller in her purse to be you. =)
I may dance better than she does, but I have always wanted to be a cougar…
Happy birthday!!!!!!!
Thanks girl!
Happy Birthday Jen-O-Fair. Thanks for all the posts you have written this month, they are great to read when i’m sitting bored working, you have been a life (mind) saver each day. Congrats to your parents for having such a great daughter. Hope i’m still reading your blog in another 31 years, when I will be….erm…never mind that. And thanks for that awesome ‘milkshake’ photo…what the f*ck is going on there?
Ah, I’m glad that people are still enjoying them. I just keep thinking, “At what point are people just going to get sick of this stuff and unsubscribe?”
That picture is of me doing the Can Can. I think I pulled it off.
Happy birthday!!
Thanks TD!
Some of my children are older than you! Happy Birthday Jen! Hope you have the best day doing whatever it is you would like to do – isn’t that what birthdays are all about! And if you have cake – have a huge bite for me because I have a birthday coming up too & I never get cake for my birthday.
I had about eight huge bites for you. Lucky for you because I bet your pants still fit. Unlike mine.
Well, I’ve got to add my wishes as well:
Happy happy happy birthday!!! And you could always go jump out of an airplane with a parachute on or some such excitement for your birthday if you wanted
And if not – ENJOY that huge-ass glass of wine, cig, and chillin’ on the couch. I did the same on my actual birthday day this year! (Minus the cig. And I drank an entire bottle of champagne rather than a glass of wine – those bubbles you know, they’re just good!)
And be happy in the knowledge that if all your blogging friends were where you are – you’d be plastered from the amount of drinks we’d buy you ^.^
I jumped out of an airplane, but failed to read your instructions about the parachute. On the upside, I look really good in a body cast.
And yes, if all the bloggers lived near each other, it would be the kind of party the world could never recover from.
Happy birthday! I hope there’s cake involved somehow!
There was, and it was glorious!
Happy Birthday Jen. You’re still a baby so don’t sweat the age. Your post cracked me up…or down…hell, as long as there’s crack involved somewhere. Have a great one. xo
I do love when crack is involved.
Feliz cumpleanos amiga! imagine how funny you’ll be in another 31 years. Your posts are a highlight for me and always bring a giggle to may day. Whatever you choose to do, I hope it is enjoyable. Jen xxxxoooo
In 31 years I’ll be a character on Golden Girls which is pretty much my life goal. Thank you so much for the well wishes
So Ms. Tonic… today’s your birthday? Or more specifically, right the hell NOW is your birth minute. It isn’t every day that you get to tell your bestie from another testie just how much she has meant to you over the years. You have encouraged me to do the one thing I want to do more than write… and that is, be “real”. Not easy to do, but I’m giving it my best shot. And YOU lady… are the most “real” example of friendship I know.
¡Feliz Cumpleaños!
I hope you get everything on your birthday wishlist… forever!
MY BF, BF! I can’t believe you timed this perfectly so that your post would show up at 2:44. That’s serious dedication.
I’m so happy that I’ve done for you what you’ve done for me. We make a pretty great team, eh?
I had a great birthday, but my real presents are coming soon enough.
Thanks so much. You are awesomesauce
Well, I hope you enjoy those too.
Merry birthday. MAKE IT RAIN.
All I had were quarters. True story: strippers don’t like it when you throw coins at them.
Your birthday celebration looks an awful lot like mine except I wear even dirtier socks. Happy Birthday, my dear friend. May it be filled with cake and not with dinosaur boners.
I got cake AND dinosaur boners, so basically it was a wash.
Happy… birthday. Mama’s… vajay.
Baby… booties. Boys have…. cooties.
Tiny… kittens. Ate your… mittens.
Grown assed…. woman. Now I’m… all done.
(that’s ^ said in a robot voice)
exes and ohs
This may be the most romantic and wonderful birthday poem ever created for me. You’re the best! XO
Happy Birthday, Jen! I hope your 31st is a lot more memorable than mine was; no big whoops, no major events, but on the plus side no arrest report or lost rent deposit, either…
I did get frisked by an officer. Well, actually it was just a guy I know dressed up as an officer. Same thing.
Happy Birthday!! I think I may have a gift for you.
LOVED the gift!
Happiest Birthday ever Jen! I hope your year is so awesome that rainbows appear when you open the door, and glitter pours from the ceilings of every room you enter!
It did! But do you know how hard it is to remove glitter from certain places? I do now.
That is my challenge ever day Jen.
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6azy9YYea1qed9sb.gif
Mixed kids are the best – I know, I have three. Happy birthday Jen.
*HIGH FIVE* to your awesome kids.
(Me singing)
Cumpleanos, Feliz
Cumpleanos, Feliz
Felices, Querida Jen
Cumpeanos, Feliz!
(don’t know how to do a tilde, sorry)
Happy Birthday!
Cathy
No tilde needed. Thank you so much Cathy
That is exactly what I do on my birthday. But, you know, in my birthday suit (I keep the socks on though)
Am I too late? Damn!
Happy Birthday! Hope you had a great one
I couldn’t do any of this in my birthday suit. WAY too much jiggling for my taste. Or anyone else’s.
I just want to tell you that you have ruined my day now,because I am now humming Feliz Navidad over and over in my head because at the beginning of this post I had no idea what Feliz Cumpleanos meant.
Oh and happy belated birthday gurl! xo muah!!
Isn’t that the worst? I hope this comment isn’t a reminder to GET FELIZ NAVIDAD STUCK IN YOUR HEAD AGAIN.
I think your birthday means you were conceived in the day I was born. I am 9 months and 1 week older than you, which means I need to start thinking about retirement (can you retire from being a mother?). At any rate, I hope you had a great birthday and I would definitely go to the yard for your milkshake.
The two greatest days aligning like that. Could it be possible? I shook my milkshake super hard, but no boys came to the yard.
Oh no! You didn’t milkshake yourself into a sore back, did you? You know, ladies of our age have to start worry about breaking a hip and sciatica. Maybe the boys are just lactose intolerant. O_o
DAMN! I’m going to start advertising that I’m using lactose free milk. Thanks for the tip!
Happy Birthday!!!!!
No reason why you can’t do them all…at the same time.
I got stuck while singing “Cat’s in the Cradle” and it was all downhill from there. Fun fact: my landlord doesn’t appreciate me bowling in the apartment. Or smoking in it. Or not paying him each month.
I hope you had an awesome birthday… or a really great bottle of scotch… either one.
Why choose?
You leave a blessed life, don’t you?