Feliz Cumpleaños

26 Nov

NaNoWriNO Day 26

Topic: My Birthday


On Thanksgiving Day in 1981, a very pregnant Mexican woman (along with her feathered-haired Caucasian husband) stumbled into a hospital, and gave birth to a baby girl. They looked at her and said, “What do we call this amazing gift to humanity?” They named her Jen and Tonic.

Fast forward 31 years. Today is my birthday.

When I think about being alive for 31 years, it kind of blows my mind. I mean, I’m older than some modern day inventions:

  • Windows operating system
  • Apple Macintosh
  • Disposable cameras
  • Digital cellular phones
  • Viagra (I’m older than dinosaur boners!)
  • High-def television
  • HTTP and HTML
  • Disposable contact lenses

Basically, I’m farting dust these days.

There’s so much pressure to “go big or go home” on your birthday. Everyone wants to know what huge party you’re throwing for yourself, or what bar you’ll be going to with your friends to commemorate the day. These types of events usually end with whiskey on my breath, and crying while “Cat’s in the Cradle” plays on the jukebox.

I killed it at my birthday party last year

So what should I do this year? I know 31 is a stupid age, but I should still try and celebrate it in some way.

Maybe bowling?

Bowling ad, or description of my typical Saturday night?

Getting a makeover?

I’m calling up my local raccoon and seeing if he can help me recreate this

Going dancing?

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

Wine tasting?

Watching a local dance performance?

This dollar bill isn’t gonna stuff itself into your pants, fellas.

Oh, who am I kidding? Here’s what I most likely be doing tonight:

Keepin’ it mad classy


I guess I should thank my mom and dad for making me. Yuck.

NaNoWriNO Day 25

NaNoWriNO Day 27

127 Responses to “Feliz Cumpleaños”


  1. The Feminine Touch | Sips of Jen and Tonic - 05/24/2013

    […] NaNoWriNO Day 26 […]

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