26 Oct

So, there’s this little thing called National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for short. For those of you who haven’t heard of it, it’s a challenge to get writers to complete a 50,000+ word fictional novel between November 1st and November 30th. The goal isn’t to write something you’ll eventually publish (although some do) but to flex your writing skills by pushing yourself to complete a project of this magnitude.

I know several people who have participated in it, and all of them ended up loving it despite being terrified at first. They were able to network with other writers, surprised themselves by actually finishing a novel, and none thought their end result was too shabby. I’ve wanted to join NaNoWriMo for the last couple of years, but sincerely haven’t (and don’t) have the time for it.

Instead, I decided I would simply do a 30-day blog challenge where I wrote a blog post each day of November. The lazy man’s NaNoWriMo, if you will. So I searched for one of those standard blog challenges floating around the internet, but none of them appealed to me, and I didn’t feel they would be interesting for you guys to read.

Then it hit me: why don’t I let my Hooked on Tonics choose what I write for what I have now dubbed “NaNoWriNO”? I want you to throw out anything you’d like me to write about. Seriously, anything. I will choose the topics using a very scientific method of drawing slips of paper from a hat. Suggestions could include, but are not limited to:

  • Anything about me you’ve wanted to know
  • An open letter to the Republican Party for being such penis holes this election season
  • Dating advice
  • How gladiator sandals are the worst thing to happen to fashion since knitted ponchos
  • Which Golden Girls character I would be, and why
  • Why I think all women are a little bit lesbian
  • Scientology and their medication-hating psychologist-at-large, Tom Cruise

Basically, just have fun with it. Anything deemed to be asshat-ish (think: homophobic or racist) will be disqualified. My peeps are very respectful, but I had to put that disclaimer in because I like to pretend I’m a lawyer.

Feel free to submit your questions via:

  • This post, or future NaNoWriNO posts
  • E-mail:
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

If your topic is chosen, I will include a link back to your site unless you’d like to remain anonymous. If that’s the case, tell me you’ve got a reputation to uphold, and I’ll just say the submission was sent by Captain Whiny Baby from the SS Sissy Pants.

My Hooked on Tonics are a mixture of binge drinkers, ex-cons, sociopaths and sexual deviants. You’re also a funny and creative bunch. I look forward to this being both frightening and entertaining.


114 Responses to “NaNoWriNO”

  1. Christopher De Voss 10/26/2012 at 6:12 am #

    Topic: Boxer shorts- Men wearing them vs Women wearing them

  2. Love and Lunchmeat 10/26/2012 at 6:28 am #

    I would agree that all women are a little bit lesbian, probably even the Golden Girls. Perhaps you could also do an in-depth analysis on why people dye their hair blue?

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:16 pm #

      God, you’re so right. I always felt there was a bit of sexual tension between Dorothy and Blanche.

  3. Love and Lunchmeat 10/26/2012 at 6:30 am #

    P.S. I would never look good with blue hair, so I’m actually jealous that others are able to pull this off. I’d end up looking like Casper only with blue hair.

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:17 pm #

      I have a coworker who dyes her hair red and blue and purple, and she seriously pulls it off. It makes me want to steal her life.

  4. Storkhunter 10/26/2012 at 6:45 am #

    I like the idea of the letter to the GOP. I don’t really care about politics but politicians really do give us a lot of blogging fodder. We should thank them. Unfortunately the British politicians are so boring … even to boring to mock

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:19 pm #

      It’s like WordPress and the GOP got together, and discussed helping bloggers with a SHIZTON of material. Really, every other week they are saying some things that make you want to write an entire book about them.

  5. Stacie Chadwick 10/26/2012 at 7:22 am #

    As a heterosexual lover of women, I choose the last topic. Throw in a little lost sisterhood/possibly that we were separated at birth stuff and a reference to Maker’s Mark and Ginger Ale and you have my perfect post.

    I’m actually doing NaNoWriMo for the first time ever and I’m scared.

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:21 pm #

      Ah, I see what’s happening here. You are just REALLY into Tom Cruise. I don’t know if we can continue to be friends…

      You are?! WOW! You’ll have to do intermittent blog updates on it.

      • Stacie Chadwick 10/27/2012 at 7:14 am #

        My favorite search term for my blog is
        “Tom Cruise Crazy Face” with “1,000,000 Tan Babies” as a close second.

        • Jen and Tonic 10/27/2012 at 12:22 pm #

          Why search for “Tom Cruise Crazy Face” when you can just search for “Tom Cruise”? EVERY picture that comes up will be his toothy smile and untrustworthy weasel eyes.

  6. speaker7 10/26/2012 at 7:22 am #

    I would like to know which type of rape is legitimate and which type is, like, illegitimate.

    • speaker7 10/26/2012 at 7:24 am #

      Another suggestion:
      Because I’m an egomaniac, I would like to know your take on what happened to Speakers 1 through 6

      • aliceatwonderland 10/26/2012 at 8:03 am #

        Check out my suggestion. It is even more egotistical than yours! I would like to know what happened to the other speakers. Did they read an even worse book than 50 Shades?

      • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:25 pm #

        This could go to very interesting places. First, I’d like to discover where the hell YOU came from.

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:24 pm #

      Illegitimate rape is rape born from two rapes who aren’t married. I’m pretty sure that’s the definition in the Book of Asshattery, or as it’s more commonly known, Mitt Romney’s Binders Full of Women.

  7. aliceatwonderland 10/26/2012 at 8:02 am #

    Oh man, oh man, I like the Republican and Scientologist ones from your suggestions the best! Lemmie think. How about “Why has Alice not been pressed when she is so fabulous?” Or “Why are there so many stupid people?” Or “What is your opinion on automatic flushing toilets?”

    • aliceatwonderland 10/26/2012 at 8:03 am #

      Or wtf is wrong with WP’s comment box and why won’t it let me like certain people’s blogs and is this a conspiracy?

      • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:28 pm #

        I think there IS a wordpress conspiracy. I get about 10% of the updates for everyone I follow.

        • twistingthreads 10/27/2012 at 1:04 am #

          I have to keep unfollowing and refollowing people to get updates. I need a special stretching rack to keep my panties from being constantly in a bunch.

          I follow people because I want to read their blogs, WP! I know some people have other intentions, but I actually care. Therefore I vote for the exposure of WP update issues. I also second the angry letter to the offending Repubs. I don’t believe some of these people can actually be human. Maybe they’re robots, or aliens.

          • Jen and Tonic 10/27/2012 at 2:24 am #

            I have had to resubscribe to a number of people in the last few weeks after realizing I wasn’t getting e-mail or reader updates on their new posts. Super annoying.

          • Giggles McGill Jill 10/30/2012 at 5:34 pm #

            WP has been doing that really annoying thing that when you subscribe, in your reader it automatically has it as “never sent email updates”. I agree – I follow because I want to read – I WANT to get updates!!

          • Jen and Tonic 10/30/2012 at 8:10 pm #

            WP is such a player hater.

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:28 pm #

      Wow, you’re full of all sorts of ideas. The “why are there so many stupid people” is as elusive as finding the meaning of life. I’m not sure it can be done.

    • Aimee 10/27/2012 at 6:43 am #

      Oh…do the toilets!!! I’m an elementary school teacher and I can tell you, they scare the bejeezus out of 5 year olds!!!! This is what I hear all day long…”pee, flush, hysterical crying” :) And my friend just told me last night that her keys fell in at a rest stop and got flushed!

      • aliceatwonderland 10/27/2012 at 7:02 am #

        I still have to put a hand over the sensor so my 8 year old will go pee. They scare the crap out of her.

      • Jen and Tonic 10/27/2012 at 12:19 pm #

        I blame Look Who’s Talking for why kids are so scared of the toilet:

      • Giggles McGill Jill 10/30/2012 at 5:37 pm #

        ooo – one step further, what’s your opinion on fully automatic bathrooms? (toilet, toilet seat covers, soap, sink, handtowels/dryers)

        • Jen and Tonic 10/30/2012 at 8:09 pm #

          Robots will eventually take over the earth. It’s inevitable.

  8. aliceatwonderland 10/26/2012 at 8:06 am #

    Oh, another comment (I win on the number of comments! It’s like I’m drunk but I’m not!) I did Nanowrimo three times and “won” twice. Not even time / energy this year. Maybe I can think up something for November too – like besides the mustaches stuff. Maybe a story in multiple posts that makes no freaking sense? Wait – I’m already writing about one that makes no sense. Hmmm.

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:30 pm #

      You WON! You need to hook up with Stacie up above, and steer her in the winning direction.

      I would love to read your gibberish. I’ve built an entire blog around talking nonsense.

  9. Dani Heart 10/26/2012 at 9:06 am #

    Jen I love the “All women are a little bit Lesbian” I so would like you to do that one, but lets see what else I can come up with…:) I will give it some serious thought and message you. :)

  10. badfads 10/26/2012 at 9:36 am #

    While I agree with you that gladiator sandals are ridiculous, I would put in a strong vote for tights as pants, high waisted crop top outfits or “bralettes” if you are Marc Jacobs, or anything unnecessarily see-through as winner of the worst thing to happen to fashion. But you could do a competition or poll or something about which is actually the worst.

    If you’re wanting to write something less rage-fueled, you could write a love letter to all of the amazing women who have shouted back at the Republican penis-holes for their collective asshatery.

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:32 pm #

      I think noting all fashion tragedies throughout the years would warrant multiple posts, but I’ve got an idea on how to approach it if it’s picked.

      Highlighting the “good gals” is a great idea.

  11. Carrie Rubin 10/26/2012 at 9:46 am #

    I would like to know Jen’s professional opinion of hair disasters throughout time. For example, the mullet, the big-bangs look, and combovers, with, of course, a special tribute to the biggest ass-head hair of them all, Mr. Donald Trump.

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:33 pm #

      I wonder what Donald Trump’s head looks like when he first gets out of the shower *shudder*

  12. melissasuewho 10/26/2012 at 9:49 am #

    I’m voting for some tales of dating shenanigans. Mostly because its what my blog is (primarily) about, and I’m sure you’re spin on this social punishment would be delightfully entertaining. Besides, I can’t be the only who has a guy ask about having anal sex over coffee, right?
    I’m also down for “All women are a little bit lesbian” and “Golden Girls” posts.
    Best of luck in your challenge! I know I’ll enjoy the efforts!!

  13. Katy Kern 10/26/2012 at 10:01 am #

    If you could be ANY character in any movie, who would it be and why? Plus, if you could be thankful (since Thanksgiving is just around the corner) for one actor/actress and their ability to make you smile, who would you thank? And if you met them in real life – how do you think YOU would behave? ;-)

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:37 pm #

      Is that one question, two questions, three questions? Sounds like I could spin them in multiple directions.

  14. Lyssapants 10/26/2012 at 10:11 am #

    That is all.

  15. Madame Weebles 10/26/2012 at 11:03 am #

    I would love to get your dating advice. That would be epic. But I would also like to know which Golden Girl you would be. More than a few people have ACTUALLY TOLD ME that I remind them of Dorothy. I love Bea Arthur more than life itself but I’m not sure how I feel about this.

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:39 pm #

      People always tell me that too, about Dorothy. I think it’s because I’m snarky, have a mustache, and couldn’t get laid if I paid a man.

      Dating advice from me? Get ready to have your world ROCKED.

      • Madame Weebles 10/26/2012 at 7:04 pm #

        You sound like me, with the snarkiness and the mustache. And I still have to pay Mr. Weebles to put out–don’t think marriage changes anything.

  16. calahan 10/26/2012 at 1:31 pm #

    Insert yourself into classic movie scenes where you’re one of the characters (ex: Bogart saying goodbye to you at the end of Casablanca, your sassing Rhett Butler after he calls you a spoiled child, you asking a favor from Don Corleone in the opening of The Godfather)

    Maybe that’s too weird of an idea. I’m tired.

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:40 pm #

      That’s actually a really creative idea. I immediately got several different scenes in my mind…all of them from porns, of course.

  17. Ruby Tuesday 10/26/2012 at 3:03 pm #

    I say you write about how your boobs suddenly going from A cups to D cups in the space of a summer sucks whether you’re 13 or 32, and no, it doesn’t make me feel better to be told, “Well, at least you didn’t have to pay for them.”

    I would write about it, but you would make it funny, and I would make it angry. I’m trying to keep the ranting to a minimum these days, and more importantly, I would love to read your public treatment of that.

    And more, more importantly, I get to read a post from you every day next month! If that doesn’t keep me from offing myself (or someone else), nothing will!

    I don’t suppose you could keep this up through the end of December?

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 3:42 pm #

      Ah, writing about Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum? My male demographic would shoot up, that’s for sure.

      If people like the series, and want to keep giving me questions, I could see myself extending it.

      • Ruby Tuesday 10/26/2012 at 4:14 pm #

        I like reading your blog, probably more than anyone else I can think of. Seriously. Other bloggers make me laugh, but you’ve got the direct line to my particular humor. And yet you write about serious things so beautifully and honestly as well, and some days you manage to do both. It probably also helps that I like you so very much, and have such respect for you.

        I dunno. I just get very happy every time I see a post from you in my inbox.

        • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 10:44 pm #

          Your comment meant so much to me, it really did. I’m glad you get joy from seeing new posts in your box. The biggest reason I started this blog was to share humor with other people, and maybe a few musings here and there.

          I’m glad we know each other beyond these words.

  18. John the Aussie 10/26/2012 at 4:52 pm #

    As a man, and to not lose any manliness, the only manly thing to do is to pick something that said something about Lesbians…

  19. writerwendyreid 10/26/2012 at 5:21 pm #

    I’d like to know why a man will ask for your phone number and then never call. If you don’t intend to call, then just don’t ask for the freakin’ number. Imbeciles.

    • Jen and Tonic 10/26/2012 at 10:49 pm #

      Noted. I may have to poll some dudes for this…


      • writerwendyreid 10/27/2012 at 2:48 pm #

        I talked to a guy at work about this. I said that I’ve always wanted to know why some guys ask for your number but never call you. He said, “Uh-oh….I think I AM that guy.” I told him that I ought to beat the shit out of him for every woman out there who has sat by her phone waiting for a call that never came.

  20. Fern DeVilliers 10/27/2012 at 6:58 am #

    OK, I’m getting rid of my three knitted ponchos. One is crocheted, so I might keep that one. ;)

    • Jen and Tonic 10/27/2012 at 12:20 pm #

      You’re only allowed to keep it if it’s macraméd.

  21. sweetmother 10/27/2012 at 8:41 am #

    of course, i liked this even from the title. thank you for now giving me plenty of people i love to read. with you at the tippy top. momma loves you! xoxo, sm

    • Jen and Tonic 10/27/2012 at 12:25 pm #

      And now Speaker7 is going to be doing it too. I think she might be trying to upstage me, and she probably will. I feel a DIY assassination coming on…

      • sweetmother 10/27/2012 at 12:43 pm #

        looool. i think you’ll be fine. of course, i want to throw in my 2 cents that you should do the whole, ‘how every woman is a little bit lesbo’ post… xo

  22. Cathy Ulrich 10/27/2012 at 10:04 am #

    I’d love to read your spin on Scientology and Tom Cruise. I heard one time that science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard started the cult on a bet…

    • Jen and Tonic 10/27/2012 at 12:26 pm #

      Oh god, is that true?! Wouldn’t surprise me. It seems like a big joke that has gone on way too long.

  23. jdanryan 10/27/2012 at 8:38 pm #

    Well, you asked, so how could I say no…?

    • Jen and Tonic 10/28/2012 at 11:36 am #

      You can’t. When you’re the meat in a Speaker7 and J&T sandwich, you just let things play out.

      • jdanryan 10/28/2012 at 11:51 am #

        And that’s an analogy right there where I should *not* make a comment…

  24. SocietyRed 10/28/2012 at 8:23 pm #

    Three ideas:
    1)Lingerie football
    3)Summer scarves
    Random…yes. I’m afraid that’s all I got, and I gave you two ideas for upcoming posts on my blog—you’re welcome!

    • Jen and Tonic 10/29/2012 at 12:37 am #

      I am guessing you suggested #2 because you wanted tips? ALWAYS go with the lightning bolt.

      • SocietyRed 10/29/2012 at 3:27 am #

        Really? I was thinking arrow!

        • Jen and Tonic 10/29/2012 at 2:44 pm #

          You know, you’re right. Giving them directions is a good idea.

  25. mrmarymuthafuckingpoppins 10/29/2012 at 8:10 pm #

    I would love to here about how you [ Jen'] Rock a party to the early light

    • Jen and Tonic 10/30/2012 at 11:39 am #

      I am going to give away the keys to the kingdom when I answer this one. I make being fly look easy.

  26. mrmarymuthafuckingpoppins 10/29/2012 at 8:11 pm #

    I figure also “Jungle fever” … any where you wanna go with that :-)

  27. Viciously Sweet 10/30/2012 at 10:32 am #

    I have got to ask since I am a tv nerd. What character(s) do you associate most with on tv shows? Are you a Liz Lemon, having it all? Are you a Michael Scott, who is trying the best he can? Are you a Leslie Knope? A Fred Mertz?
    I have to know. And I want diagrams.

    • Jen and Tonic 10/30/2012 at 11:38 am #

      Diagrams?! I’m going to flunk NaNoWriNO.

      • Viciously Sweet 10/30/2012 at 11:50 am #

        Well I could always help you out! I would like to make a venn diagram about this and in the center is JEN!

        • Jen and Tonic 10/30/2012 at 11:58 am #

          If I pick it from the hat, I’m taking you up on that!

  28. Bill Friday 10/30/2012 at 12:00 pm #

    I know this comment is a long time in coming, but I was trying to be your 100th comment, and as it seems this thread has, sadly, shot its creative wad, I saw this as the time to jump right in with my request…

    Bloody Awful Poetry.

    And not some anapestic in which every line ends with a word that rhymes with “Nantucket”.

    Consider yourself double-dog dared!

    • Jen and Tonic 10/30/2012 at 12:16 pm #

      I got you to say “shot its creative wad” in public which is a shining moment in my life. Now on to the rest of my comment…

      I want to choke you out for this! You KNOW I don’t do poetry. When I see you I may have to kill you. Just sayin.

      • Bill Friday 10/30/2012 at 1:07 pm #

        Hey, I said it could be “Bloody Awful”. I hear Bloody Awful Poetry is the wave of the future. It might even warrant a mention in The Urban Dictionary ;)

        • Jen and Tonic 10/30/2012 at 1:16 pm #

          “Bloody Awful” sounds like an Urban Dictionary term that even *I* couldn’t bring myself to write.

  29. Giggles McGill Jill 10/30/2012 at 5:43 pm #

    I’m sure you’ve seen this, but:

    And on that topic:
    How do you feel about auto-tuned news stories (and they’re ridiculously catchy tunes!)?

    (If more examples are needed:, and one of my faves

  30. Brother Jon 10/31/2012 at 8:31 am #

    I have to say I’m a little disappointed. I feel left out of your “reader profile”. Maybe I still count cause I’m an ex-binge drinker, ex-sexual deviant, and pro-con. How about this for a writing idea. I consider myself not-the-usual-type-of-Mormon. How bout you write something that blast holes in all sorts of various stereotypes.

    • Jen and Tonic 10/31/2012 at 9:51 am #

      Oh, Brother Jon, I’d never want to exclude you! I see you as our role model. You know, the one who will show us how to stop being hot messes.

      Love that idea!

  31. incognitomusicmagazine 11/09/2012 at 10:10 am #

    How do you handle that person at work that will detain you for 20 minutes even though it’s clear you checked out about 5 seconds into the person’s monologue?

  32. incognitomusicmagazine 11/09/2012 at 1:53 pm #

    Why do women pay some astronomical amount for a hairdresser only to come home looking exactly as they did before the “new style?”


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